Chapter 10 - March

Luck of the Irish around this time for a guy like me.I have mother concerned on me spending too much time inside, I have gone in a slump.Haven't worked out in weeks now.I have gained 15 pounds back, very depressing.I have been in bed all this month, eating like a pig.I felt in my prime back in December now I feel like a pig.I just had mother order me a pizza and wings.You might wonder oh you guys are gonna eat together, nope.It's all for me, this is gluttony at its finest.

It's scary to be self-aware yet still indulge in the acts of sin.

Like Sisyphus I too am attached to this boulder of emotions I must carry by my own.I have cheated death only once, never again will I let it surface to my attention.I've been through a lot of horrible things and I know I've done horrible things.It's all Karma in the end, it all comes full circle.Being isolated for so long can show you the error of your ways in the perspective of those you've hurt.You see how I trial off with this philosophical talk ? God I have to stop eating like this.

Mother knocks on my door, signaling to help her open it.I get up quickly and open it as she walks in with the pizza and wings, "Christ I almost dropped it, clumsy me huh ?" She says jokingly as she places it on the bed.She stares at me in disgust and says "Enjoy…..remember in the fridge we have vegetables if you want some…." She says as I look at the food in excitement, "alright….thank you…." I say as I shun her away.She exits and looks through the door in sheer embarrassment as I start to eat.She walks and goes downstairs, she heads for the kitchen and sits in distress.Dolby enters as she fixes her posture and goes back to an upbeat attitude.

"You hungry, I can make up some hotdogs right now ?" She asks him as he heads for the fridge and gets a water "No just getting a water for now, are you okay ?" He asks her as he stands over her.She gets up and says "Yea I'm fine, Glenn's Passport came in today, I don't know when I should book the flight …" she says as be responds casually, "Well let's say the latest is May, or at least June …..Because I feel he still wants to enjoy this place….you should really push him to go out more….being in here too long will make him go crazy you know…." He says as he starts to walk out the kitchen.She follows as he walks past the living room and enters his room.She heads upstairs as She heads for my room.I am in full degeneracy as I've finished the pizza and now and demolishing the wings, think of that.There conversation was about 5-6 minutes plus those little seconds of walking back and forth.I somehow ate this whole pizza in less than Ten minutes, that's just sad.

Time flew by as It's March 14, some see it as a normal day but I see it as PI day.I decided to learn some, I'm my best of knowing was a couple dozen like Six dozen tops.Now I only one off the top of my head is 3.141592653589793238462643383, that's as far as I remember.Why you ask would I learn it ? Out of boredom.I even wrote all of the periodic table on paper, with symbols and everything, again out of boredom.I know you'd say just go outside for Christ sakes but I feared it, felt ashamed.Sure no one knows very well of my birthday incident but I still keep it scarred.Like many bad memories, this wasn't my first time being assaulted in life but it was the first time, it was publicly known.

I've picked up many hobbies through the months, I've given Drawing a big passion but most are very lewd drawings I keep hidden.I gave weapons a love, I'm slowly learning to make a nail bomb.I've learned how to do origami, more specifically Origami swans, I've made hundreds by now.I have them all in a little chest box I have, its a calming thing to do.without mother knowing, in the month of February, I tested to see how long I could've gone without eating, it was 12 days.I caved in after nearly collapsing, I didn't workout for those days to save as much energy but no dice.I survived only on water, on the 13th day I ate at least 4 bananas in a row until I felt nauseous.Well even more bizarre things, I fallen in love with the world of comic books.O even made my own makeshift character, but I try to forget that part of me.

Well I take out the box of pizza and wings and leave it on a table next to that Clock.Gosh all this loneliness just gets a person to the brink of heaven.I miss the moments with friends, they don't even keep in contact no more.Which is understandable, high schools over.I keep mentioning it like that was my prime, it really wasn't.All that Misery was worth the experience in the end.Mothers gone into her room to rest, it scares me to think I won't have my parents around much longer in life.All this food has gotten me quiet sleepy as well now.

As I slept I am awaken by mother, it's around 6:30 PM."Hey honey, wake up…..I have to tell you something…." She says as I slowly awake.Half asleep I ask "what is it ?".She takes a breather as she starts to sob, I assess what's happening and awaken faster. "mom, what is it are you okay, what happened ?" I ask as she calms down and says "it's your father…..he's in the hospital…." She cries out as I blank out.I stare into the wall, never noticed it's baby blue color mixed with ocean blue, very passé."Why ?" I ask as she sits next to me in bed, "He had a stroke, they say it could be his diabetes or his age but he's in recovery….." she says as she cries in my shoulder.I don't understand what's wrong with me, I've been given awful news but show no emotion.I should be crying with her, I should be

Asking god why ? I should hoping and praying I should be there. "I should be there…." I tell her as she stops sobbing and asks "what ?" As I repeat, "I should be there with him, I have to see him mother...when do I leave, I have to leave immediately!" I demand as she cleans up her cries and gets up.She looks at me in shock and goes to her room to get my Mexican passport.I sit there as she hurries back and throw it on the bed. "You wanna leave so bad….go, forget about how I'm feeling….go see your father….." she screams, I don't understand this.My father is in bad health, probably needs the comfort of his family and my mother is angered I want to see him.I could see why as we both share a lonely life, her perspective is one I can't quiet decode.I feel her suffering as well, she has been alone with just the dog and Dolby but I see she has a bit of a life here.She's got some friends here and knows the area well but I understand she's missing her family.If only I can understand why she left, I'll never question her on it but I know it was for our own good.

She storms off into her room as I look into my passport, the picture makes me look like awful.

I set it aside on my table and look myself in the mirror, I feel a destroyed and there it goes again.That awful presence reveals itself again, I hear whispers.I feel another with me, like a navigator in this journey, ever since that bad dream I don't feel the same.

I go to mothers room and look at her as she's crying herself to sleep.I still am regretful but am not so apologetic.Was never taught that very well, like I've said in our family.Something bad occurs, oh well move on with it.It'll just be another burden for you.I walk back into my room, I'm worried for father.I call my sisters but no answer, I panic and frantically walk around the room and start to punch the cabinet.I punch my knuckles bleed, I don't feel the pain as much.I push it to the limit more, I band my head over and over repeatedly against the cabinet until I get lightheaded.I nearly collapse and stumble on my bed.I lay there in a bliss, I now sleep.

It's been two weeks, April is near.My favorite month, April is special in many ways.It's Dolby's birthday on the 20th and it's M&M's on the 30th.Mother and I have kept it calm and left things uneasy but talk casually.I awoke around One in the afternoon, I went to the restroom to pee and didn't pee so well.I peed blood, It felt awful, it burned badly.You can feel it as the stream exits, that burning feeling.I screamed in agony, after I finished I see the redness in the liquid as I flush.I breath heavily as I go to wash my hands, I wash them vigorously as I look in the mirror in fear.I get out quickly as I rush downstairs and see mother and Dolby in the kitchen eating peacefully and chattering.I interrupt them by saying " uhh mom I need help…." I say as she annoyingly says "with what ?" As I reply quickly "I just peed blood." I say as they both look at me in confusion.