REMEETING A JERK

Vittoria fished out a couple of drachmas from her bag. "What are you going to buy with them?" I asked. Vittoria pointed to the seven-story building on the next block. A billboard on top read LUCKY HERMES HOTEL! with an arrow pointing down. "Hermes, like the greek god? He owns a hotel?"

"Yeah," Vittoria nodded. "He has a whole chain of them. He made them for travelers who needed a safe house or a place to stay for the night."

"Why didn't we go to one sooner? We didn't have to sleep outdoors."

"The houses aren't everywhere, Yiannis. There's a lot of them, but they're not in every American city. Anyways, since one is here, we should crash there tonight."

The inside looked like your average three-star hotel. A decently sized dining room was where people ate their breakfast, lunch, or dinner. The room I was assigned had two beds and a table with a lamp on top. The TV had about every channel imaginable. It seems that the hotels aren't limited to heroes or gods, either. There were plenty of ordinary people paying for lunch with dollar bills, not drachmas. So the hotel wasn't unique in any way, but its guests were, as I found out.

Helen and I shared a room while Vittoria got her own. The two were taking a shower while I lay in bed, playing Monument Valley. I was about to complete a level when Vittoria knocked on my door. "Is Helen out of the bathroom?"

"No, but I think she'll be out soon, so wait a bit if you want."

The three of us paid for lunch in drachmas. "Ahh, I haven't had good food in forever," I rubbed my belly. "Yiannis, you're going to look pregnant if you keep eating like that," Helen said.

"But I'm not. Starting tomorrow, we're going to go back to our regular schedule of sleep deprivation and hunger."

"We could always take the food with us."

"Yes, but it's never enough. I still end up hungry."

"Helen, does Yiannis always eat this much?" Vittoria asked. "Yep, if he didn't have a fast metabolism, he'd totally be obese."

"That's so not true. I eat as much as you do. I'm only stuffing myself to gain a lot of needed calories," I argued.

"Sure you are," Vittoria smirked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Go back to eating."

"I'm not being subordinate to you."

"How about me?" Another voice bellowed behind me. I turned around and saw a familiar face: Ares. It's funny he asked that question since he's doing everything I told him to. I love irony.

Ares sat down at our table. His flaming eyes targeted me. "Hey there. You're Hades's brat, right?"

"Yep and the two ladies here are my friends, Helen and Vittoria." The last thing I want is for Ares to find out Helen is my sister and kill her. He's supposed to kill me. I need him to focus all his attention on me. "What brings you to our comfy little group?"

"To give you some help, kid," Ares said. I saw his mouth curve into a twisted smile. He actually thought he was in control here: how laughable. "I'm going to guess that you're a god and that you were sent to help us out."

"That's right," Ares nodded. Helen hugged my arm. Monsters scared her plenty, but gods were even scarier. She put her head on my chest. I hugged her back. "Is she your girlfriend?" Ares smirked.

"She could be," I shrugged. "More importantly, who are you?"

"Ares, the god of war, that's who."

"What help, in particular, are you offering?" Vittoria asked. Ares chuckled. "About the thief, of course. Although, I have a feeling you've been keeping your two friends here in the dark."

"What do you mean?"

"Aw, don't play dumb now. I won't reveal your little secret, so don't worry, princess." My eyes narrowed at Vittoria as she turned away. The color was drained from her face. I remember Kronos saying about how Ares had almost caught the thief and that it was a female. Interesting. I'll have to ask Vittoria about it later. "So, Lord Ares, what have you got to tell us?" I knew he liked getting called "Lord." I bet all the gods did, as they looked down upon us mortals as inferior but useful pawns.

"I'll make a simple deal with you. Help me out, and I'll give you a ride to the Mississipi River."

"What do you want, then?"

"You see, I was strolling nearby on a date. My girl dropped her scarf, and I was hoping you could get it for me."

"If your girl dropped her scarf, why didn't she pick it up?"

"Because she didn't want to. Like how I don't want to turn you into a boar, but could," Ares growled. Or it could be that you're trying to gain my trust and doing a horrible job of that. I didn't feel like arguing. Ares was one of the pettiest gods, and he might actually turn me into a boar if he got too annoyed. "Fine. Where's the dumb scarf?"

I should have refused Ares on the spot. We were almost at the Mississipi River anyway. The place where Ares's girl dropped her scarf was apparently in an amusement park. An abandoned one. Nice place to go dating, that's for sure.

I took out the winged Jordans Nathan gave me. "Before we go in, someone should wear these and scout the area. Let us know if any traps are there. Any volunteers?" To my surprise, Helen raised her hand. "Helen, I think I should go-" "No, Vittoria, I want to do it." Helen cut Vittoria off and winked at her, and the latter's face started becoming a shade of red. "I told you already, it's not like that," Vittoria sighed. "Please don't tell me that is why you volunteered." My little sister nodded, and Vittoria rolled her eyes.

"Anyways, if Helen wants to do it, I guess she can," I said. Helen strapped the Jordans on and began flying around the amusement park. "I don't see any traps!" I told her to keep looking, then turned to Vittoria. "Ready? We're about to find something that scares the war god."

"I'm not ready at all."

A broken-down playground would be an apter term to describe my surroundings. "Amusement park" was not the vibe I got from torn-down roller coasters, a dusty circus, empty food stands, and the fact that there was nobody besides the three of us here. Who would go on a date in a place like this? Either it was a rendevous-point or Ares and whoever his girl was decided they wanted some alone time. Still... this place gave me the creeps. No way I would choose to spend time with a girl here.

Helen still flew in the sky but said she couldn't find the scarf. "Did Ares trick us?"

"No, Hermes is the god of trickery. Also, if this was a prank, it's a bad one. We're just wasting time. Keep looking, little sis."

"I'll look around too," Vittoria offered. "I think Helen will need some help."

"Good idea," I nodded. "I'll help you search." Helen landed on the ground next to me. "I can't see any scarf here, but there are some places I didn't check."

"You mean the circus and the places with a roof on them?" I asked. I wondered if Ares came here just to boink his lover. Nobody would want to be here, so it was the perfect place. Helen nodded. "What do we do now, Yiannis?"

"We split up and look everywhere at ground level. It's the fastest way to find the damm scarf."

An hour later and no luck. None of us saw a scarf. I guess Ares really was wasting our time. Vittoria shook her head. "There's one more place we haven't checked out." She pointed to a water ride titled "Hydrospeed!" It was no different than a roller coaster, except there were no tracks. It was a boat, and to me, at least, it looked like its way of moving was via magnetic levitation or something like that. There was something clearly wrong. America doesn't have levitating trains, yet we have a ride that uses that technology in an abandoned park? Who made this?

Helen pointed, and on the seat of the boat, I saw the scarf. Only now, I wasn't so eager to pick the thing up. A god chickened out from that, and the ride used technology not seen anywhere else in the country. Was it some sort of trap?

Vittoria reached out for the scarf. "Wait, remember that even Ares backed out for some reason. What if there's a trap?"

"But the scarf's right there." She swatted my hand aside and grabbed the scarf. The second she did, she was thrown onto the boat. I ended up on top of her as the ride went at full speed, almost sending us flying. "Get off of me!" Vittoria yelled. We managed to sit down as we headed into a dark tunnel. We accelerated underground as the place lit up. Up ahead was a golden net submerged in a pool of water. Not too far from us, there was a platform where a pink scarf sat. I took that as a taunt. This was meant for Ares, but we were the ones who were getting humiliated.

Vittoria cursed. "Hephaestus planned this! Of course!"

"What are you going on about?"

"You see, Yiannis, Hephaestus actually married Aphrodite, but she ended up having an affair with Ares. Hephaestus got really mad, and now he spends his time setting up traps for them and letting the other Olympians watch and laugh. Very soon, we're going to get laughed at by Ares and about everyone on Olympus."

I pointed up towards the scarf. "We need to jump."

"Are you insane? At this speed, we'll be sent to the moon!"

"We don't have a choice. We can either shove the scarf to Ares's face or become laughing stocks trapped in a net. I like being free."

The two of us stood up. Vittoria slipped her hand into mine. "We need to jump at the same time. Follow my lead. On three, we jump." I nodded.

"One...two...three!" I managed to grab the edge of the platform and pull Vittoria up. Then we checked to see if there were any more traps, and when we thought there wasn't, we picked up the scarf.

"Where's Helen?" Vittoria asked.

"Right here." My little sister flew right in front of me. "The train moved so fast I couldn't keep up," she huffed. "But I'm glad nothing bad happened."

"Back at you, little sis," I said. Now that we got the scarf fly us out of here."

"I can't carry the two of you."

"I'll wear shoes then. We need to chat with Ares."

Ares was grinning from ear to ear when he saw us. That massive jerk. "Hey, wassup? You guys were hilarious on Olympian TV Live." I threw him the scarf. "So, where's our ride?" Ares pointed behind him. A huge van filled with zoo animals was apparently his definition of a "ride." At the very least, couldn't this guy let us hop on his motorcycle? Garbage service, I tell you. But what can you expect from the gods?

"You guys are fighting a lost cause. One of the top three gods is responsible for the theft. How are you going to take them on?" I glanced up at Ares. "You talk big for someone too scared of a simple trap. Did you pee your pants?" Ares clenched his teeth, and that made me happy. I was only going to be more satisfied as things progressed. "Watch your back, Yiannis Cirillo." With that, he popped out of existence.

"You don't want Ares as an enemy," Vittoria warned.

"Something you already managed to do," I retorted.

"What do you mean?"

"That little conversation in the cafeteria. Ares mentioned something that caught my interest."

"Yeah," Vittoria sighed. "It was when I ran to camp half-blood with Nathan and Julien." This interested me even more. Ares told Vittoria to "stop playing dumb" when the thief was brought up, so I know she knows something. Continuing the act only makes the possibility more likely. But I pretended to fall for her trick. "You three know each other?"

Vittoria nodded. "We were friends for a long time, until..." She shook her head. "I'll talk about it in the van. Let's get going."