Spreading the "Knowledge"

****(POV)

This author is mad. While writing this he kept mumbling about random stuff. Something about having added an ecchi scene in the novel. Something about being able to use a lewd bait cover now justifiably.

Then kept saying he wouldn't really do it. Then perhaps. He is so difficult to follow.

I'm not really sure about what this is really about. He did say something about anime-style classic comedy jokes.

I told him that I didn't really get it. He told me that only men of culture would, He told me not to worry about it. In fact, he said that I am better off if I don't get the context behind it all.

This is so cryptic! Should I try to understand? Should I give up? This is akin to Pandora's box.

I learned about that recently. Humans have a way to screw themselves up. It always ends in such a glorious fashion too.

The other day I asked him about what would happen if nuclear warfare happened. He shrugged not especially concerned.

Apparently, this chapter has questionable teachings. Should I read it? Ah, guess I will. After all, knowledge is power!

Even if that very same power can cause my demise! All so I can assist any reader that needs psychological counseling afterward!

See how dedicated I am?! So, remember to vote for me in character polls!!!

****

Wow. Just wow. I'm not sure how to deal with this.

"*Whisper* Teacher why are you grinning so much?"

"This tiger thinks it was related to the scene before. Not sure. This tiger doesn't understand."

The scene before. The spider and a very natural outfit. I take a deep breath and make sure my voice is as steady as possible. It is time to educate my disciples.

[You guys. Let me teach you a life lesson right here and now.]

"Nodding while intently listening*

[Repeat after me. Breasts are no lumps of fat; breasts are filled with men's hopes and dreams!]

*Repeating conscientiously. *

[Did you guys properly memorize this?]

"Yes, teacher! X2"

[Perfect!]

"This Tiger has a question! *He raises his paw*Does this mean that girls without any chest are worthless?"

Ah! How careless of me.

[Listen carefully, you guys! While this saying is true and valid, there also exists an opposite one. It goes flat is justice!]

*Repeating carefully*

They seem to be confused.

[Alright guys, now for the last teaching to unify it all. It is not the size of the breasts that matters truly but who they are attached to!]

*Repeating the teachings aloud*

"Does that mean we were supposed to feel hopeful when we saw the guardian's breasts earlier? Is that why you kept the praises coming earlier teacher?"

I feel like I perhaps made a mistake telling them all that bullshit.

[Not especially. Before was a special case. Objectively speaking the only valid reaction when seeing breasts that perfect is to take a moment to appreciate the view. Otherwise, that would be disrespectful to her.]

"Ah, but teacher! What if the breasts in front of us aren't perfect?!"

[Depends on who is in front of you. If the girl is worth it then, no matter what, her breasts will be perfect because you will even love her imperfections.]

"Understood teacher! X2!

Both are answering but really, it's just the tiger that I'm hearing. I truly wonder how long the bear will keep whispering. Not forever, right?

Then again, he is one stubborn creature. Who knows if he might very well do that? Should I already start designing some sign language for both of us?

Otherwise, should I try to develop some mind-reading magic? Nope, that would be me getting way ahead of myself. So far, my attempts at using magic have been pretty disastrous.

An effect was produced every time, but …. Yeah, not exactly what I wanted. First, the horrifying masochistic foul-mouthed dummy. Second, the muting of my companions. Third, the destruction of the spider's shirt. Okay, that one wasn't was I wanted, but perhaps what I needed to cheer me up instead.

I really need someone to teach me magic. The old ghost is out of the question. He already pointed me in the wrong direction before. Seriously that siren was no use at all. If anything, she almost felt like the real-life version of a comic relief character. How horrible!

Now there is the dwarf, but he clearly doesn't want to. He was grumbling about returning to his forge two seconds after his earlier apparition. Big nope!

In the guardians, that leaves the spider. Let's just say I should leave her alone for a little while. Plus she's not the best teacher anyway.

Let me think, is there anyone else that could teach me in this situation? Not that know of. Pretty sure the only other creature I saw coming here was the roc. Yes, the one that just…forgot to flap its wings. How does that happen?

Well, apparently seeing someone on Yggdrasil's branch alive was too big a shock. To be fair it did almost skewer the bear when he came even remotely close to it. Is there any chance that this bird knows magic?

Perhaps, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. No seriously. I know a successful author that was failing just because of his simplistic cover for a while. Anyway, I digress.

But what if that bird is an extremely wise and knowledgeable old wizard?! Yeah, don't think so. Well, there would be a straight upside to a bird mage. If by some bad luck he adventures in an old dwarven city, now filled with goblins….

…And encounters a fiery creature on a small stone bridge …

...Then sacrifices himself to let all his friends survive….

…Then fall into a bottomless hole dragged in by the whip of the enemy…

…Well, he'd be able to just fly back up!

*Deep breath*

...You know instead of going missing for a super long period and coming back later with a new hairdo.

Nope, he would be able to skip all the suspense and just deal with the problem like a boss!

Anyway, the conclusion is that I have no clue what to do. There is one thing that always helps in such a situation. Screw all this, I'm going home to sleep. I'll deal with all the problems tomorrow in the morning!

I'll find a solution, right?

I hope. *Sigh*