Chapter 1 - Abandoned by my Childhood Friend

The driving force that set my heart on fire was anger and helplessness.

In my younger years, I was just an ordinary kid from a rural village. Like any typical farmer's child, I idolized knights and Heroes from storybooks, dreaming of becoming one someday.

Broken twigs served as my swords, and stolen copper pots from the kitchen became my helmets. With a group of boys, we played games pretending to be heroes and villains in the hills behind the village, having a great time.

Looking back, it all seems silly, but amidst the boys' games, there was a girl who played the role of a princess.

Her name was Ella, the only daughter of the village's innkeeper.

Ella's mother used to be a servant in a noble household but returned to the countryside with her father, Ella's grandfather. Inheriting her mother's beauty, Ella was the prettiest girl in the village.

Unlike the other village children covered in freckles, her skin was white and flawless, and her manner of speech was gentle, as if she were a young lady from a wealthy household. Of course, she was not comparable to a real noblewoman, but to us ignorant country bumpkins, that's how we saw her.

Due to her unusual appearance, Ella didn't fit in well with the other village girls. Maybe it was because of jealousy. As a child, I couldn't bear to see Ella alone, so I brought her into our group of boys, albeit somewhat forcibly. Ella seemed secretly pleased by my actions.

Being the strongest and most physically fit boy in the village, it was always my job to protect the princess. Of course, Ella was always the princess. When I put a flower ring made of picked flowers on her left ring finger, she shyly smiled, a smile that stole the hearts of ignorant country bumpkins like me.

Ella never hid her longing for the city. Whenever she had the chance, she would talk to me about how beautiful the streets of the city were, and what her friends were like there, and she was amazed by how glamorous the people in the city looked, with their designer suits, stylish dresses, and impeccable grooming.".

As I listened to her stories, I tried to imagine what the city looked like with my limited imagination. I pictured Ella walking through a beautiful city, not just in this dull countryside, and imagined myself next to her.

I wanted to become a brave knight with a real sword and armor, and take her to the city like a princess.

"Someday, I'll take you to the city," I said.

"Really? Will you promise me?" she asked.

"Yes. There are many beautiful palaces and parties in the city. I'll take you to all of them. It's a promise," I said.

Even though the palace and the parties were just the naive dreams of a country bumpkin who would never go there, at that moment, Ella's dream was my dream. With sincerity in my heart, Ella nodded and smiled brightly.

We intertwined our pinky fingers together. It was a promise we made secretly, without the knowledge of the adults. I focused on my training to become a knight, believing in our promise with all my heart.

There was no one in this village who could teach me how to use a sword, so I focused on building my strength by climbing up and down the hill every day. It was a crude form of training, but as I continued to repeat it consistently, I became so strong that no one in the village, including the adults, could beat me. I thought that if I became strong enough, I could keep the promise I made to Ella.

But as time passed, Ella...

One fateful day, Ella disappeared from the village with a group of mercenaries she met while staying at an inn. Leaving behind only a single letter with the words, "Please give Ion my regards," she vanished without a trace, and despite my denial of reality, there was no hope of her return. The promise we made to each other as young children was naive, and only I took it seriously. The traces of Ella's existence were everywhere in the village, and it was agonizing to be reminded of her when she was no longer there.

Unable to bear the weight of my resentment and loss, I made the decision to leave the village and join the military. My hope was to be stationed at the frontline near the border, where memories of Ella were far from reach.

As a new recruit, I had no choice in where I was placed, but through a stroke of luck, I was able to be stationed at the very place I desired. It was there that I lived like a soldier who could not die. I fought against the demons that came swarming in from outside the realm of humanity during the day, and at night, I trained to the point where my muscles trembled from wielding my weapons. Even veteran soldiers in my unit were amazed by my stubbornness.

Despite the advice and care of some of my peers, I refused to listen to their warnings that my recklessness would lead to my death. Pushing away everyone who approached me, I was inevitably alone.

I couldn't understand why I was so desperate. Was I trying to succeed and make Ella look back at me? Did I want to make her regret it?

I lived like a ghost within the military unit. It was only natural that no soldier wanted to befriend someone who was going to die, especially someone who was infamous for being cowardly. I had even heard strange rumors about myself, such as being cursed or bringing bad luck, after surviving intense battles where I was the only one left alive from my unit.

So, there was no one who approached me except for one person - Sister Charlotte, the war nun. She was the only one in the unit who showed concern for me. Although she was not a native of the Empire, she had an unwavering faith in God, and her legal skills were second to none, even when compared to the priests of the Kingdom. I had never met a priest from the Kingdom. Still, the soldiers who received treatment from Charlotte unanimously agreed that she was amazing, so even a country bumpkin like me could tell that she was impressive.

Despite being such an impressive nun, Charlotte paid special attention to me for reasons I couldn't understand. During the day, if I were wounded in battle, she would prioritize me over other injured soldiers. At night, she would treat my torn muscles, which were often strained due to excessive training, with her healing magic. Without Charlotte's healing magic, I would have died a long time ago or become disabled.

At first, I pushed her away, but Charlotte stubbornly clung to me, citing her duty as a clergywoman and providing various bizarre reasons. She was so attentive and kind to me that I wasn't foolish enough not to notice, nor was I an ungrateful person who only received her healing magic when necessary. We became naturally close.

Little by little, Charlotte and I opened up about things we hadn't told anyone else. She lost her parents to a demon at a young age, grew up in an orphanage, and volunteered to be on the front lines so that there would be no more children like her.

Charlotte's dream is to create a world where children don't have to be afraid of demons.

I confided my past to Charlotte, which I had never told anyone before. Until now, I didn't have the courage to bring up Ella. If the fact that my reason for pushing myself so hard was just a mere disappointment became known to others, whether it was Ella or me, we would surely be laughed at, and that was not what I wanted.

After speaking, I regretted it for a moment. I thought I shouldn't have said anything, that I shouldn't have spoken up. I was afraid of how she would look at me. Compared to her noble mission to protect people, it wouldn't be strange to see me as a foolish child who came to the battlefield just because of a mere disappointment. Maybe I would be contemptible.

But Charlotte didn't ridicule me.

"It was very difficult for you, wasn't it?"

She hugged me with a sad smile.

"It wasn't your fault."

No, it was my fault. If I had been stronger, and more reliable, Ella wouldn't have been abandoned like that. But I cried like a child for a long time at the feeling of affection and warmth from others that I felt for the first time in a while. I don't believe in God, but at that moment, I felt like I had been saved, and the long-standing burden in my heart was washed away.

The next day, I changed my mindset. I didn't change the fact that I led dangerous missions, but since I had a place to go back to, I didn't risk my life. As I gave up the attitude of pushing people away, I gradually gained recognition from those around me, and I achieved fame and even received promotions.

I didn't become a knight, but I became a decent soldier. Even though my job wasn't stable, after rolling in the front line for several years, I saved enough money to buy some land and livestock. Maybe it would be nice to go back to my hometown. If I had one wish, it was that Charlotte would be by my side.

"I've decided to follow the Hero."

Charlotte entered the Hero's party.

"...Let's never meet again. Ion."

With just those words, she left my side.

The demon army has crossed the border. The war between humans and demons has begun, and the prince of the empire and the hero chosen by the holy sword gathered their allies to defeat the demon king.

The joining of a nun who was renowned as the "Saint of the Battlefield" for her exceptional magic skills, received cheers and praise from all the people of the Empire, except for me.

What went wrong? Was it wrong to seek stability? Was it wrong to find happiness in weakness? Was it wrong to give my heart to someone? I remained alone in the void left by Charlotte, endlessly beating myself up, regretting, and raging.

If I had been as strong as the hero, she wouldn't have left me. But because I was weaker than the hero, I couldn't hold onto Charlotte when she left. The sense of helplessness about myself ignited another spark in my heart.

I crossed the front lines and entered the territory of the demons, territory that had been taken from humanity by the demon army, territory where no human had ever set foot, and I stabbed, slashed, and killed every enemy in sight.

The reason was still unknown to me. Even though I had killed more monsters than a hero and my hands were soaked with blood, it wouldn't change the fact that Charlotte had left my side. Even if she were to turn around and look at me now, nothing would change. Amidst these unanswered questions, I simply pushed myself relentlessly.

I have experienced countless battles. I have witnessed countless deaths, most of which were my

own doing. I achieved feats that were unbelievable for a single soldier. Someone people even labeled me as a hero.

Years have passed since then, the war ended, and more years have gone by.

I no longer felt anything when I thought of Ella and Charlotte. The excruciating pain in my torn heart, the emptiness in my heart, and the intense anger burning in my chest, none of it can be felt anymore.

The fire in my heart had finally been extinguished.

"...I guess I have to retire."

This was the first thought that came to mind.