8 6

“One thing is...life certainly doesn’t care what race you are, it gives you what suits you, rather, it gives you what it thinks will suit you, even if it wouldn’t...it’s no respecter of person.”

F.A.B

Art, that is what I wish to be called, but who will I tell to call me that? I’m likely to be labelled “crazy” or “weird” and I’ve been labelled as that for a long time.

“Today I don’t feel like doing anything

I just want to lay in my bed”

I could relate so well to the lyrics of “The Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars...I want today to be my lazy day, to get lost in my thoughts and to understand why I received a box of cookies last night.

Poppy .

The reminder of the name should have made me cringe, but it didn’t, a normal girl would have had butterflies in her stomach each time she remembers it, but I’m not the normal or regular teenage girl. 18 years of my life and I’ve never been engaged in anything “normal,” never attended parties, never got invited for a shopping spree, never had friends or acquaintances of any sort, never engaged in small talk. I could have developed at a stage in life, but when tragedy struck, it made me withdraw the more and forget about everything good life has to offer.

When you have everything luxurious that you can think of, you ought to be happy, but material things do not bring happiness all the time if you do not have that one thing that would make you feel complete, everything else is just a waste and items for display.

I want to be lazy today, but my perfect attendance and grades wouldn’t want me to risk it, I’ve never had a bad grade, it just comes naturally, I spend most of my time alone reading, so everything sticks and I pour it all out in my examinations...that makes sense.

I got into my bathroom and I swear if I see another package on my bed when I get out, I would definitely freak out. As the water cascaded down my skin, it felt cool, just the right way I wanted it. Today I will not stress myself over things I can’t control, I’ll just let everything be the way today has been mapped out...no stress.

One annoying thing is picking out clothes to wear, it makes me confused, sometimes you have you pick something fashionable, classy, not revealing, modest and not an outfit that’ll pass you out as a slut or a child without home training. Whatever, I’m going with my jeans and black hoodie, yes, I wear dark clothes, I don’t wear red, it reminds me so much of the trauma, everything looked so red that day...blood, blood is life. Neither do I wear white, it signifies purity, I’m not pure, my body might look like it, but my soul has been stained badly with no spot missed. But Black...it signifies nothingness...the exact way I feel everything, the exact way my soul is, the exact way the event left me...black.

So yes, most of my clothes are black or a deep shade of a particular colour, my room is painted a deep blue, so is the rest of my apartment. Why is it so hard to forget the past especially when it hurts you? Why is it so hard to let go?

Why is it so hard to feel complete when the person that’s supposed to fill that void doesn’t exist?

I grabbed my backpack and phone and headed out to school, to see the world again, to see new events unfold, to observe with a snarky smile on my face, to be alone and lonely in the midst of a lot of people. The loneliest people live in the most crowded places and that’s no lie, when people are together and maybe in groups, they become too busy to notice that lone figure in the centre of them all, they become too busy to notice that dark figure lurking in the shadows observing them all and identifying their strengths and weaknesses without even getting close to them....that’s how it always is.

I walked softly in the hallways while seeing people huddled together talking about who knows what. I wasn’t lost in thoughts, my mind wasn’t far away either, my eyes just weren’t looking right, my eyes just didn’t acknowledge the figure I was walking towards, it was just like a blur in my sight, so when my shoulder bumped into something hard, I was taken by surprise, I looked up to see what I bumped into, then I saw him.

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