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"Being rich is not fun if you have demons haunting you occasionally"

F.A.B.

Who on Earth is this?

"Who are you?" I texted back.

"Just an admirer of yours dear," the person replied, I don't want to place a gender because I don't know if it's a boy or girl.

Just an admirer.

"How did you get my number and how did you get into my room?"

"Well, I can't say for now...that's a story for another day poppy."

"Bye"

I can't waste time talking about one thing with someone who doesn't have sense...sheesh. The thing with me is I don't involve in anything social, neither do I give my number out, I'm not on any social media platform, I'm only on "Sappy" because I need to be updated with issues or changes in my time table, other than that, I don't use "Sappy". Yes I'm broken, yes I have problems making friends, and yes I have trust issues, but you can't blame me, you just can't say it's my fault I'm this way, what happened to me caused this, my childhood was broken, no, I wasn't raped, neither was I assaulted nor molested, neither did I have a near-death experience, it was something much worse than that, much worse.

What happened ushered a huge wave of anger and hate into my heart, soul, body and mind, it altered every freaking detail about me, I wake up each day with flashes in my mind, those flashes serve as my morning alarm, they make me jump out of bed and shiver even when there's no cold, it makes it seem like the walls are closing in on me, even though my room is very wide. It reminds me that I'm an empty soul and no one can fill that emptiness.

Anger.

Sometimes I feel like...taking that anger in me into my hands and burning it, but that only makes it burn hotter and multiply, even now, I'm not so sure I feel anger, it's just... emptiness... black...numbness...I've been so occupied I forgot I needed to eat, like, eat filling food...I'm grateful for the food I was given, but my tommy isn't satisfied one bit.

I picked up my wet clothes and washed them, it might have rained but I don't want them to stink, it's jeans and hoodie for crying out loud, so also my sneakers...those worth a fortune to me... literally.

Should I read? Should I sleep? Should I eat? Should I binge watch Netflix? Should I stare into space with nothing running through my head? Should I enter my head and get lost? What on Earth should I do? I hate the feeling that I have nothing to do, I hate being idle, when you're idle you have bad thoughts, and even regretful memories weave their way into your head.

Poppy...poppy...poppy.

I wonder who sent me that obnoxious text. Whoever it was...is a discovery for another season...or never, all I want now is sleep. She did say I should come on Sunday, this is Friday, the day I always look forward to, it signals the end of the school week, the end of me having to be with people I can't relate with in any way, it signals the beautiful beginning of my full weekend of joy and peace being all by myself, total bliss. I might be a bit boring to some, but...I don't blame them, I always repel them, even boys...yuck. I hate it when I see a couple...nothing personal but...keep your business private please, not all of us want to be irritated in public.

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