Day 5 of Craze

Ahh... I'm in a chaotic mind again... I hate it every time this happens... I can't just explain it... maybe I'm just getting lonely and wanted to talk to someone... But I have tried chatting with other people, yes it does relieve it sometimes... But it just that.. I don't know if it actually just relieve it or me just forgetting about it... I did create a lot of acquaintances... I've tried flirting to a lot of girls on the internet... But nothing seems to cure it... I've never talked for the pass 2 years already... Maybe that's the reason why I feel like I'm going crazy everytime... Time and time again... I sometimes just relieve it with... I don't wanna say it... But let's sa- fck it... I relieve it through msterbation... Some of the pass cures it... But after some time.. It just couldn't be enough... The lust grows as you feed it and they're right... I actually did try count days for me to prevent it... I almost lasted for a month then do it again... I just couldn't do anything... There's nothing to do... I'm stck on a prison of a house... Going out is not a choice either... I'm a depressed person but I don't wanna admit it.... I'm planning to go out when I really get a flow of inc... Get a job.. Get money... Get a house... I did start YouTube... I have probably 3 channels... But none seems to have worked out... I'm still am trying... But I'm losing hope day by day... I actually just wish not to care about these things... I just wanted all of these to end... But... But... I want experience... I just... I need it... And there's still things I haven't done... To do that I have to go out... To go out.. I have to have a money... A job... But it always feels the world is against me... I do hear this phrase a lot on the internet... World that is against you... And so you'd think maybe I'm really not just the only one... But this is too much! How am I going to believe that! This is just too much... Everything just seems to be planned out... I actually have a dream before... A dream where an invisible entity is taking my phone away...