deja vu

Malia sits in front of her therapists, one by one stared at her as if they saw a woman with a past, perhaps that was true, or perhaps she was a tired Taurus that was pushed so far by the love of her life, by family, by friends, by society itself. Malia was tired and she couldn't explain the words or feelings she was feeling but she tried anyway, she tried to explain her darkest sides. The therapists stared at her once and for all, as they gave another glare back at her.

What are you feeling right now, miss? The woman therapists stared at her paper but she couldn't pronounce her name correctly.

My name is Malia Williams, I changed my name after my husband disrespected me.

How did he disrespect you? Asked the therapist?

Malia sighed. Lighting her cigarette, glaring her eyes up to the woman that asked. Giving a smirk, giving a small smile. The therapist face was straight, without any laughs, or without any giving humor. Malia nodded.

It is a part of me that left, once my husband and I got married, he was a sweet, lovable guy that made all the women look at him, that's probably why the women hated me, but other then that... Months later, he was... he turned cold, really cold, he didn't touch me, he didn't talk to me, he didn't introduce me to his family, & that hurt a lot but it was part of me that wanted to leave but I just couldn't... He was my all. I couldn't just give up, over something small. After months came it was Still the same, 6 months I kept that neglect to myself, I didn't yell, scream, or act cold cause he was. I did my part as a loyal, ride or die Queen like I said I would be but he didn't hold up his end until that time came of losing his sexual frustration.

The therapist interrupted, clearing her throat before she spoke. When you mean by " losing his frustration." What did you mean by that?

I would always wear lingerie, bend over so he could see my ass, tempting him to give in to my sexual desire but he wasn't going to give in unless I did something that grabbed his attention and that was by wearing something that brought the hopeless, hoeness in him. Malia laughed but then stopped laughing as her tears rolled down, but dried up. Malia became quite as she was remembering bits of pieces.

Would you like to share that moment that you described? Asked the therapist. The other therapists were writing, while the middle therapist was asking questions but Malia didn't mind that. She sighed.

I remembered when that moment came, I threw him on the bed, and started to kiss him, but he didn't kiss back, he withdrew his affection from me, he stopped midway before we even got started, and that made me feel like I was not wanted. I guess I was his first. Explained Maila as she puffed her cigarette.

Malia

I felt like I was being used, weeks later he was all over me and I allowed that, of course why not. I was his wife, he was my husband. My grandmother would always say, that he doesn't marry you just to look at you but that was not the case at all. I felt like I was his trophy, but was never shown, if shown, I would be placed on the shelf, behind a glass, never known, never touched.

Therapist

That seemed to be tough, seemed like he was... Closed husband. It is like he was not their for you doing the time of comfort or anything. How did you cope with this?

Malia

I placed it all behind me, he never liked dealing with pain, or liked dealing with the responsibilities of his mistakes, it was not like I was penalizing him or anything... Once tired... I wanted him to pay by everything he had done.

Therapist

And that would be? When you mean by "Pay for what he had done" what do you mean by that? Have you ever wanted to hurt him in anyway.

Malia choked, coughing at the same time.

Therapist

Are you okay? Mrs. Williams?

Malia

Hurt him in anyway?

Therapist

I know your hurt, and I know that your going through a hard time but murdering is not the answer.

Malia cocked her head sideways, giving a malicious look, leaning forward. Then what is the answer? Asked Malia.

Therapist

Do you think murdering is the answer?

Malia knew it was a trick question, she knew she was being recorded and they were taking notes. If she would have admitted that murdering was the answer, with witnesses around, she could have been in a lot worse then therapy. So, she answered the question no by shaking her head.

A year passed but she was still seeing things that she kept seeing over and over again. Day by day. The face of her lover came day in, day out, night in, night out but that one night tragedy knocked on her door.