UNRHYTHMICALLY

A love lady riding with her horse. I smiling stupidly while watching her. Her long straight brunette hair and sweet roses lips.

"Hi, would you like some coffee?" I suddenly asked. Her eyes blinking for a moment.

"Yes, Monsieur."

When talking to you, I'm crazily driven. Can't help my self from deeply falling. Meeting you was like listening to a song for the first time. Not knowing it'll be my favorite one. You're like a note that perfectly fits my rhythm, and the most suited rhyme on my poem. You're always there on my side, to guide me when I can't decide. As your rainbows just starting to shine, bringing you to every place so celestial. You are the clear sky I ever wanted—but I am held back by a love that's unrequited.

We first become strangers, met you on an unexpected way. Lifted me up, when I'm feeling down, made me happy just like a clown. Having a friend like you is more than enough. Your vibe and understanding are really precious, my beloved.

Just like the moon, you caught my attention. Feels like I've found my only sunshine, who can make my every mood fine. Without knowing it would turn into affection.

Although we're still distant and far. With these feelings so real, our love won't keep us apart. Don't worry, we'll create our own destiny. You never knew how much you mean to me. Talking to you becomes my darkest day's remedy. As time passes by, we became closer. Vibing and getting along, each day. I really wanna live my lifetime with you, wait for you in the aisle, as we both say " I do."

I know, I can't repay those kindness you've shown me, the way you've loved me unconditionally. Knowing an amazing person like you is such a great pleasure. You already are, a big part of my life. Hoping you'll stay, and never me leave behind.

Not until those rainbows, begins to fade. Meanwhile, dark clouds from above was formed, causing to another cluster of storms. Then instantly disappeared, leaves you uneasy, and unprepared. You were drowned from too much rain, until it finally leaves you to drain.

You're hiding there on the corner—unhappy. Seeing your man, finally found his own milady. Breaking your heart, trying to fix those broken pieces. You've wounded your skin, leaving remarkable bruises.

I started to hate myself. I'm insecure...

You are like the brightest star, I keep chasing from afar. While I am just someone who wished to have you. Even though I know it's impossible to.

You are the sunrise, I always looked upon. I am the sunset, left behind. You are the the most satisfying rhythm, I am the one who never gets tired to listen.

I never thought that sun give me hope, where I scape in the darkness. Imprisoned myself for a decade. My eyes can't take the brightness, try to see and not to hide. I'm so scared to be a prisoner of my tribulation.

I saw the wonderful nature, run so fast as I can. Flying birds with liberty in the beautiful azure sky.

It gradually burning yet I found my purpose in life. I chase the time but time never stop to runs. Reminisce the tribulation I had because I live in the tyrant world.

The hostility between the past and present. Huddle myself in the dim history that I can't tell the whole story. I'm not a niggard but I realized that thriftiness such a good thing. Maybe I'm just a nomad who wandering and misleading myself to be vanish. Omit what we need to eradicate in life in order to be free from being inmate. A plenty onlookers who can clap and disappoint to you but never degrade yourself instead use it as your shield. Protect yourself from another damage, let yourself heal and win this time. The magenta in the wounds still oozing, remember your scars has story. Overhaul yourself so you can find out what you need to change. Exertion in life is a key in the door you need to open to see the opportunity in any sideways.

I'm still trusting people that always ruin their promises. Witnessing the cruelty. Hope gone that make me sick. Disappointed to myself mistakes. Drowning in the ocean after the unaccomplished the task. Still learning how to swim.

Sorry for being myself but now I learned how to fight in the battle. I am pointing out two people in my life who gave me the same love and satisfaction. My heart loyal for two. I just remembered my father who beaten me up because I like a dress even though I playing toys of boys.

"You are a man, not a GAY!" my father slapped me so hard that I couldn't move.

"I am a man!" I insisted.

My life today is better than before. The past... Don't tell me that's already past. For the most expensive time I have, I found myself genuine smile with my real family treat me as a human and not a beggar who always asking why the world is unfair to me. My childhood was ruined by the decision I made, done in this way of being unloved. So there's no way to unlock myself in the desolation I have in my entire life. They tortured my mind to filled in their lies. People behind who am I today is not a gift but the ferocious that I know. I learned and still learning. I never stop to learn until I accomplished something. The first step of moving on, after several years passed, still drowning myself vanquished alone. The chances that I have was gone after I gone my humble abode.

After a long voyage. I can't hide the pain caused by my childhood. Traumatized by so many obstacles from the bewilderment.

Today, after seven years that I kept it to myself. I almost out of my mind when I realized all the tribulation I have. The chaos in my heart was suffered from the verbally abused. This afternoon I gave time to myself to cry all the pain. I was a kid, innocent and pure heart. They, society, destroyed my world turned in the abyss. I hope for the light but they made me blind in the darkness.

I am Elias Vygotsky who fell in love with my best friend, Kalixter Muñoz, and my beloved wife, Aila Sia.