Chapter One

July 9, 2020

"Brooklyn & Jay"

It had been carved into the sand on this day, only a year ago, I can still picture it in my mind. So much can change in a year . My eyes lock on the spot 'Jay' was as a wave crashes, water making its way onto the sand. Onto me. The water is cold against my bare skin, covering my feet completely, making its way halfway up my calves. I've missed the feeling of the water at this beach, it's always been smooth, like glass, comforting, like that one pillow you always cry into. Finally, the thought hits me.. it's my first time back since him.

It feels wrong to be here without him.

The thought crosses my mind before I can remind myself that I can't think about those things. I have to be okay, if I'm not okay then Mother will throw a fit. I don't like when Mother throws fits, so I prevent them whenever I can.

It's been a year. I should be over it.

I'm not though.

I can pretend I am though..

I wish my thoughts were true, but I guess we can't have everything we want.

I remember the way the wave crashed on the shore that day, the way the water washed away our names. They were there one second and gone the next, just like him. Just like there had been no trace of the carving, there was no trace of him anymore, only memories.

Looking out into the water now, I can picture his face in my mind. I can hear his laugh, feel his arms around me. Every second I stand here I can feel more and more memories rushing back. Some are perfect in every way imaginable, like he was. Others are like a dark, stormy day, bringing all of the pain back. I miss all of them, even the stormy ones. Each memory is a reminder of what I once had, what I lost.