Chapter 9

June 23, 2019

The sun set over a half hour ago, but I don't want to get up. I had planned to lean on Jay, but when I went to place my head on his shoulder, he pulled away. It was a small motion, somebody watching us wouldn't have noticed, but I did. I can't tell if he noticed or not, because now he's holding my hand.

"We should head in, it's dark," His voice is thick as he speaks to me, dropping my hand and getting up. I only nod, standing with him. Assuming he's going to follow me like usual, I head back inside to my room. When I turn to make sure he's there, he's gone.

He probably just went home to help his brother with homework or something.

No, he doesn't want you, he's done with you.

The voices in my head begin to argue, I want to say there's probably a reasonable explanation, but my anxiety says otherwise.

When he said he loved you earlier it sounded thick and forced.

No, he was just tired.

He doesn't want me.

He promised he would always love me.

People lie.

The voices go on and on, keeping me awake all night.

When I walk out to the deck just before sunrise the next morning, Jay is there like usual. He offers no explanation for last night, only a nod of acknowledgement as I sit beside him. I want to ask him why he didn't follow me inside last night, why he went home, but I'm too scared. I've never been scared around Jay before, everything is usually easy with him. He's here now though, that's all that really matters.