Chapter 4

Chapter 4

May 6, 2019

By the sixth day, I leave my room. Sitting there all day only reminded me of the weeks after I lost June. It hurt too much, and I can tell Mother was getting worried. I can't do that to her. I have to be strong. For Mother.

For the next few days, I settle into a new schedule; wake up, go for a run, shower and make myself look nice, go to lunch with Mother and her friends, go play tennis until it's time to make dinner, eat dinner with Mother, then finally go to my room and sit peacefully in the dark until I go to bed. I wish I had more time to spend with Jay, especially alone. I guess that's just not how it works though. The schedule is busy, but at least it gives me something to do.

I'm okay when I'm with others, but alone, I feel numb, almost empty. Most nights I stare at the wall and lose myself in my thoughts. Other nights I paint, sometimes I read, maybe even write. My only requirement for myself is to be alone in the comfort of the dark. To take a moment to breathe.