BURDEN

For most of the journey, the truck zigzagged and took sharp turns without rest. Occasionally, heavy objects collided with its sides, followed by hoarse cries, which sounded muffled and distant from within the vehicle. Although the back compartment lacked windows, they weren't needed in order to guess what was happening. The streets were surely infested with shamblers.

Nora held Lilian's hand firmly. So small, so fragile… Her sister's gaze was lost in the wall ahead, her head swinging from side to side following the vehicle's movement, making no effort to stay upright. Nora looked her in the eyes, knowing that she wouldn't find anything pleasant in those dark pits.

The bond that united them was falling apart. Lilian didn't seem to be aware of her presence anymore. It was like trying to speak with an unconscious person. ¿What could she possibly achieve? Perhaps all she hoped to do was comfort herself. She was right where she wanted to be: on her way home, with Lilian by her side, and surrounded by people willing to fight for their safety. However, she felt more vulnerable than ever.

'Lilian… Can you hear me? Are you there?'

[*whispers*]

'Lilian, sweetie?'

[*whispers*]

Holding the tears was no easy task, and her face must have contorted in a strange manner, since it caught the attention of the soldier accompanying them. "Are you okay, miss?" he asked, observing her from the opposite side of the compartment.

"Yes, yes… I'm sorry. Must be the nerves." replied Nora.

"Try to stay calm. You'll be safe soon. Is the girl alright? If I'm not mistaken, you understand her better than anyone."

Nora shook her head.

"I see… Come on, don't worry, I promise you'll—"

"This is Captain Isaac, from Alpha team, talking to all units." a voice emerged from the radio in the truck's cab. "We have visual contact with the evacuation point. Charlie team, initiate the distraction maneuver. All the other units, stay in formation and get ready to secure the perimeter. Over."

"This is Charlie." said the vehicle's driver. "Understood, Alpha. Initiating distraction."

Seconds later, the truck took a notorious turn to the left, after which it kept going in a straight line. They had changed direction.

'What's happening? Distraction…?'

"Excuse me, is everything okay?" asked Nora.

Something wasn't right, it hadn't been right ever since they left the research center. The other trucks carried a large number of civilian and military personnel. However, the only other people in Nora's truck were Lilian, and two soldiers, driver included. It wasn't a coincidence, that was for sure.

She couldn't help but think that those soldiers had no reason to give her an explanation. Communication with those people was uncomfortable, as if they stood on the other side of a wall; but she had nothing to lose by asking.

"Don't worry, everything's okay, so stay calm. We'll be there soon."

"You can tell her, Quinn." said the driver, from the front of the truck.

"Are you sure, captain…?"

"Yeah. What does it matter? It's better if she knows what we're doing. She's directly involved after all."

"Alright… You see, miss, we're going to take several laps around the perimeter of Kurtis Tower. We'll be the last ones to get there."

"What? Why?"

"The girl attracts those monsters. If we take her directly to the tower, our comrades won't have any time to secure the area before things start heating up. So, we'll take laps around the perimeter, and let them follow our trail."

He pointed at the truck's back door. Nora followed the finger with her gaze and saw what looked like a ventilation grate, across the entire upper section of the door.

"Ah… T-Then, we're… bait…?"

As she spoke, the truck continued zigzagging, without slowing down, the inertia sometimes making them wobble on their seats.

"Hey, listen to me. We won't let you get hurt, okay? If we're doing this, it's to keep danger away from the others. But don't forget that you two are our main priority, we won't put you in danger either. We're all going to make it out of this, understood?"

Shaking, Nora nodded.

"Good. Hang on tight and look after the girl. We'll be there soon, I promise."

She took her attention back to Lilian. Her hand, small and delicate, was frigid to the touch. She held it with both hands, in an attempt to heat it up.

'Lilian…?'

[*whispers*]

'…'

******

"You heard that? We're close."

"How long until they get us out? Is a helicopter coming?"

"Honey, it's over, it's over…"

The compartment was cramped, there were too many people in there. At least, too many for William's liking, although he wouldn't even think of complaining at this point. They were all thrilled after hearing Captain Isaac's message, which made sense; the light at the end of the tunnel was finally visible.

William, however, didn't feel relieved. He didn't bother keeping track of all the possible things that could still go wrong, it wasn't worth it. Whatever needed to happen, it'd happen, and he'd worry about it only when it did.

Besides himself, another two people in the truck stayed in impassible silence. To his left, permanently glued to his jacket, Eleanor drew circles with her finger on the metallic surface of the seat. Her gaze was still lost, but at least she was doing something, no matter how trivial it was. To his right, Claire curled up in the compartment's corner, biting her nails.

'What's up with her? She's been doing weird stuff since yesterday…'

"What's got you so jittery?" whispered William.

Claire glanced at him, and left her nails alone. "I thought you weren't in the mood for talking…"

"Those nerves of yours are contagious."

Claire avoided looking at his face, and made a long pause. "…have you ever thought that you don't deserve to be alive…?"

"What…? Are you actually asking that for real?"

"Yes, I'm serious."

"Where is this coming from? You've been sulking since we boarded the truck. What's going on?"

"I feel like a burden, William. I can barely do anything useful for anyone. What's more, I end up causing trouble, but I somehow manage to slip out of every dire situation ever. I-I haven't earned it, I don't deserve it…"

"Hold on, what the hell are you talk—?"

"I-If I hadn't suggested the smoke idea, maybe the people who came with me wouldn't have died in that elevator; a-and if I had performed better when we were attacked at the apartments then maybe I could've stopped that infected bastard from going back to the subway, and we wouldn't have needed to risk our lives in that nest, and we wouldn't have had to leave all those people to die; and… and i-if I hadn't done what I did at the tower—"

William placed his hand on Claire's shoulder and shook her up a bit. "Hey… Hey!"

As if taken out of a trance, her teary eyes finally decided to look back at him. They were overflowing with fear, but William wasn't sure what it was they feared. She hadn't noticed, but she had raised her volume as she rambled on, attracting curious and bewildered gazes from everyone else in the compartment. One of the soldiers approached them, swinging from side to side due to the vehicle's shaking.

"Is everything okay?"

"Y-Yes… Yes, everything's fine." said Claire.

The soldier didn't look very convinced, but he accepted her reply and went back to his post at the front of the compartment.

"I'm sorry…" she continued, lowering her voice. "There's a lot going on in my head."

William sighed. "Look, it's not about being deserving or undeserving of living, okay? Life isn't a prize you have to earn. We all deserve to get out of this. You fucked up once or twice? Okay, you fucked up, can't do much about it now. We all make mistakes, damn it. I better not tell you about all the regrets I have. But you can't fall apart because of it. Especially now, you get it?"

"Mhm…"

"Focus on what you want to achieve. You have a goal in mind, don't you?"

Claire nodded. "Of course I have… To go back to a normal life. I don't wanna keep going to bed fearing that I might not wake up the following day. I don't wanna keep watching the people I care about suffer. I don't wanna be left alone again…"

"Keep your eyes on all that. Until we're out of this city, don't think about anything else, alright?" William laid back against the wall and made a pause. "At least you're clear about it… Take advantage of it."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind…"

'It'd be great if I could lecture myself the same way I just lectured her. A goal…'

He looked at Eleanor by his side. Any shred of affection he might have towards her was fake, hypocritical. Maybe that kid could somehow occupy the void in his heart, become a purpose to follow; but he'd be fooling himself. He was driven by self-preservation, by the desire to protect his own sanity, and nothing else. A personal interest that had nothing to do with her.

Once again, he cursed himself.

******

As soon as the truck's back door opened, Claire regretted having tucked herself at the back. The last thing she wanted was to be the first one stepping out of the vehicle, but she couldn't disobey the soldier urging her to get out. With a small jump, she got down to the asphalt. She stepped aside to leave room for the others, and faced the front of the truck.

Kurtis Tower stood like a monolith in the middle of the city. Row after row of windows, too many to count, all the way to the skies above. Claire shuddered before the imposing structure.

"You're shaking again." said William, beside her. "It's obvious you don't like this place."

"N-No… I-It's just… No, it's nothing…"

"Come on, everyone out!" Captain Isaac began yelling, jogging among the trucks. "All civilians, regroup in front of the building's main entrance! Everyone else, prepare a defensive perimeter as agreed! Everything must be ready before Charlie team arrives!"

The soldier who opened the door for them gave several taps on Claire's shoulder while pointing at the tower's entrance. "You heard the captain! Come on, come on, we have no time to lose!"

Claire's legs moved on their own. Forming a disorganized line, the civilians marched towards the tower, while the military ran all over the place, carrying all kinds of boxes and equipment.

After going up a ramp, Claire had a better visual of the entrance. The path to the building was bordered by flowerpots and gardens long ago consumed by weeds. Sunlight twinkled through the grass, reflected off innumerable glass shards from the ground floor windows. There were barely any intact glass panes in the entire perimeter, and the main doors were no exception.

Nothing had changed.

A group of soldiers had gone ahead of the rest, and stood in front of the dark opening that was the entrance. They seemed to be looking at something, and debating about it, but they were too far away to discern what it was. One of them separated from the group and began running in the direction they came from.

Someone passed by Claire's side, going up the ramp in long strides. It was Captain Isaac.

"Captain!" said the soldier approaching from the entrance. "Trouble!"

"What's going on!?"

"We found this, sir! Looks like a diary. It was placed right in front of the entrance door, the person behind it must have left it as a form or warning."

Claire's blood ran cold.

"What kind of warning…?"

"Look here, sir… And here…"

"Don't go inside… Infested with shamblers!? Shit…! It's a nest!?"

"Damage to the area is severe, sir. It's feasible that a horde might have entered the building at some point."

"I see, that's why we stopped detecting human activity here…! Damn it, this makes everything harder! I'll put together an additional team in order to clear a path to the rooftop! Soldier, report to Colonel Rowan at once!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Great…" whispered William, who also heard the conversation. "I knew there'd be more trouble ahead of us."

Claire grabbed his arm. William looked at her, frowning in confusion.

"What is it?"

"…I-I'm scared…" her words came out in an almost imperceptible voice. "W-William, I'm scared…"

He took a deep breath. "If you don't speak clearly, I won't get a thing. Scared of what? Is it related to what we discussed before? About being a burden?"

"…c-can't go in there… I can't… I d-did this."

"Eh…?"

"The shelter… I-It's my fault…" Claire began sobbing, which gave her hiccups, interrupting her words. "The s-shamblers… I let them in…!"

The people surrounding them, already worried about the current situation, must have heard some of what she just muttered, since they gave her puzzled looks and started whispering among themselves. William noticed and yanked at her, pulling her aside.

"Hey…! Lower your voice!" he said. "The hell are you saying…!? Is that true!?"

Unable to contain the tears sliding down her face, Claire nodded.

"I-I don't know what to think…! There were m-many innocent people there… They're all d-dead… because of me…! I d-didn't want to come back here…!"

"You did it for Nora and Lilian, didn't you…?"

She nodded again. "I couldn't think of a-anything else…!" her cries intensified.

"Attention, all civilians! This way! We need to go up at once!" shouted a soldier from the entrance, waving his arm.

"Look, it's not the time for this. You'll think about it later, we need to move!"

"N-No…! I can't! I don't wanna go in there! What if something happens again because of me!? W-What if—!?"

He grabbed both of her shoulders and shook her vigorously, causing her to gasp in surprise.

"Focus, damn it! You're not alone… okay!? You're not the only one responsible for whatever happens! If something goes awry, we'll all be at fault… And we'll all work together to overcome it. Understood?"

Her wide-open eyes were fixated on William's face. Somehow, she had stopped crying.

"Understood or not!?"

She nodded.

"Hey, you two! Hurry, there's no time!!" the soldier yelled at them.

William gave her a gesture, prompting her to accompany him, and began jogging towards the tower's entrance. Without hesitation, Claire went after him. She didn't have to make the conscious decision of walking; her body had gone on autopilot. To be honest, it was better that way, her mind was in no condition to be making decisions.

She couldn't get it out of her head: she was a murderer. She had killed innocent people. Not accidentally, not indirectly… but in an intentional, direct manner. To save Nora and Lilian? To save her own skin? To stop Julien and his goons? It didn't matter. She couldn't find a reasonable justification for what she had done.

She wished she could've found a better solution. Over and over, she had tried to forget what happened, to sweep that awful memory under the rug and never uncover it again. However, she knew she'd eventually have to face her deeds.

To her dismay, that moment had arrived.