4 Old Regrets

Mallory stood outside a wooden door that called out for polish. She had the cheque in her hand that Daisy had written her. She knocked on the door a few times before which a guy of around five foot eight came over and opened the door. He was only a couple of inches taller than Mallory and had thick eyebrows and an unruly beard. He reeked of alcohol despite it not being more than five in the afternoon. "Did you get anything?" he asked her.

"She said that this is all the money she has in her bank. If I needed more I would have to take a loan just as her and since now I have a job we were both equally eligible for a loan." Mallory said in a sing song voice.

"Loans have to be repaid. Your sister doesn't. She owes me the money after spreading all those rumours about me in her youth. If it weren't for her I would have been studying at Harvard."

Mallory looked down. She was still ashamed at what Daisy had done. Her sister had ruined her husband's future. Jonathan and Mallory had been neighbours and childhood sweethearts. They went to the same school and had a long standing affair. He would often come over to her place and spend the evening. Their two bedroom apartment was on the first floor. Her sister and mother slept in one room while she slept in another. Mallory knew that there was something wrong with their mother. Sometime she would behave paranoid and sometimes she would talk to herself. It was disconcerting. Sometimes she would have a panic attack and Mallory locked herself in a room to protect herself while Daisy tried to calm her down. Sometimes Jonathan would climb up the window to stay the night. They were in love.

Mallory was five years older than Daisy. Despite the age difference Daisy was the matured person. She was closer to their mother despite not being related to her by blood but Daisy didn't know that. She was eight months old when Mallory's mother decided to take up a foster child. A year later she had fallen so much in love with her that she decided to adopt her. Since then it was always Daisy and her mom while Mallory only had her friends and ultimately Jonathan.

Mallory walked inside her apartment. It was left to Jonathan by his parents and it was the only property they owned. Jon had wanted to put it on the market and use the money to rent out a small apartment but Mallory had always stopped him. This house was the only security she had in her life.

She entered the living room and dropped into the couch.

"Did I tell you to rest Mallory?" Jonathan asked her.

"I am sorry. It is just that visiting her seems so demeaning at times. She treats me like a failure."

"Have you stopped to consider that may be you are?"

"Are you siding with her Jon, after all she did to you?"

"No I am not. I am just saying that it is about time that you did something about your life. The business proposition I had is surely taking off in a few months. If you have something on the side as well we will be quite well off by the time the kid comes into the picture." Jonathan replied.

Mallory nodded. "I will take care of it Jon. Don't you worry."

"I am not worrying love. I have you after all."

...

"I know I am coming off as very clingy and you are probably regretting ever talking to me but right now I do not have anyone" Daisy said fidgeting on her bed. Tom had forced her to lie down and relax. he had turned the chair around from her study table and was leaning back on it.

"Trust me when I say that I don't live with regrets Daisy. I offered to be your friend and right now it looks like you need more than a friends."

Daisy sprang up on her bed in alarm. "What are you talking about?"

"I meant you could do talking to Julia. She is my therapist. But she is out of town for the following week on a Psychiatry conference. So I shall be glad to extend my vast experience in psychiatric counseling and try to help you." Tom clarified.

"Why do you need therapy?" Daisy asked intrigued.

"I have a hoard of issues. Don't worry about me. I am dealing with them. We are here to talk about you."

"I was raped at the age of fifteen by a neighbour who was my elder sister's boyfriend." she said wincing.

There was a pause. Daisy was taking deep breaths. "So got the band-aid right off?" Tom broke the silence.

"I told you that I was raped by my sister's boyfriend." she said in shock. "You have no reaction to give?"

"I am not going to give you a pity party if that is what you want. It was in your past and you should leave it in your past and move ahead. Were you wronged? Hell yeah. Does that mean you have to victimize yourself every living hour for the rest of your life? A big No. You have to move on."

Daisy nodded and lay back down. "My sister is married to that guy right now. She came an hour back to ask me for some money because they are starting a family. She accuses me of causing her husband to lose his Harvard scholarship because I brought forth the accusations. She later made me take them back. He had to drop out of college and now they both live off me. That's why I struggle to make ends meet. Also my mother is suffering from dementia and needs twenty four hour care. That kind of treatment is also expensive and I can't do it while managing my job."

Tom was silent. When she turned her head he was paying attention to her. He nodded for her to continue. "I handed over all my savings to her. May be I can never have a family but she is and I want the best for her. But I know Jonathan (that is his name) will never let me be a part of their lives and I am honestly afraid that he may try to do something to me again. The only relationship I have ever had was with a guy in college and it went south when he found out about my issues with intimacy. One night he invited me over to his place to reconnect and slipped a rohypnol in my drink. I haven't dated since." she concluded.

"Trust me, dating is overrated. I have never dated in my life. I only sleep with prostitutes. It is much less complicated and they are willing and know exactly what they are doing." Tom said.

Daisy turned her face to look at him, disgust evident on her face. "You're serious?"

"I have my reasons and may be one day you will find them out. Not all of my friends know but some do because they are pretty old friends and were with me through the most shitty phase of my life. However right now we are focusing on you." Tom replied.

Daisy took another deep breath. "Do you think I should opt for artificial insemination or should I just adopt a child?"

"You were serious about the thing the doctor told you?" Tom asked. Daisy nodded her head.

"Look, I am not the best person to tell you how to start a family. Family isn't a familiar concept for me. But if you do want a kid, I personally feel that the motivation is leaving a part of you behind in the world."

"So you think I should opt for artificial insemination."

"I mean, ok, but couldn't you opt to see a guy just for the sole purpose of conceiving. I am sure that there must be plenty of guys lining up to impregnate you. I mean for men who actually like decent beautiful respectable women you must be quite a prize."

Daisy smiled at his awkward compliment. "Thanks but I don't think men really like their women cold and unresponsive in bed." she said.

"It's better than someone who fakes it. Trust me, I know and I know when a woman fakes it in bed and it is horrible."

"Does it happen to you often?"

"Now, no. It happened when I was young. She was the second woman I was with. I wanted to marry her. When I met her she had just started and I was her first client."

"Hold your horses. You wanted to marry a prostitute?"

"They are human beings. And anyways she wouldn't be one after I had married her."

"You would have made an honest woman out of her!" Daisy exclaimed.

"You sound archaic. But it turned out that she was not turned on by men and she was doing it as a job and all the moaning and groaning was a part of her training."

"She was lesbian?"

"Yes, and well after that I felt like I had sex with a guy. Since then I always made sure that the woman I am with should not be allowed to fake it, lesbian or not. I tried to have sex with guys after that as well and I did find out that I can make them moan and groan too. But that was basically on a dare. Men don't do anything for me. I thought I might be bisexual but turns out that I am completely straight and kind of God's gift to womankind."

"Isn't that a bit cocky?"

"You have no idea of how good I am in bed."

"And I have no intention to find out." Daisy said blushing red realizing what she had said. Tom too went silent.

"It's late and I have to be in office early tomorrow." Daisy said.

Tom nodded. "Do you mind if I stay the night? I got dropped off by my friends and I don't have a car. It's too late to fetch a taxi."

Daisy looked up alarmed. "Where will you sleep?"

"Since your couch is too small I guess I will have to make use of the floor. Don't worry I have had worse. At least there is a roof above the head." Tom said smiling but Daisy could see the pain of the memory that accompanied the words.

She scooted to one side of the bed. "You can share the bed. I am not your type anyways."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah" Daisy confirmed.

Then there was silence as Tom took off his waistcoat, watch, shoes and belt and got into the bed. There was only the sound of the creaking bed as he got into it. Tom turned to face the wall and Daisy did the same.

"Are you sure about not wanting to find out how good I am in bed?" Tom asked in mock seriousness.

"Go to sleep Tom."

"Goodnight Daisy."