Chapter 7: No Going Back

Winnie

"We love each other too much to let life and death come between us."

The sun shines on my face as I look up at the blue sky. I squint. A cool breeze caresses my skin.

In moments like these, I let my mind wander back to last year when I last saw you, Andrew. That day, you fooled me with your backward baseball cap, crooked smile, and casual attitude.

I should've known it was an act.

Your kisses didn't feel loving but final.

Your embrace didn't feel protective but clingy.

Andrew, I miss you.

However, I know you're not gone, not really gone. I mean, you're with me now no matter where I go.

Last night, I attended the gala—at least for part of the night, I felt you there. Oh, I'm so sorry, Andrew. Things with Chandler got out of hand and—

"Winnie, why are you here again?"

I blink. Shade covers me as my best friend, Faye Barker, towers over me. She scowls at me.

Suddenly, the intimacy I felt with Andrew is gone. As I look around, I hear the sound of a lawnmower and see a couple with tear-stained faces holding flowers near me.

I look past Faye. My gaze settles on three men digging a fresh grave about a mile away from me.

"You've been here three times this week," Faye comments, bending down and collecting my journal and pen.

Faye stands, motioning for me to stand. She nods toward the men digging a new grave and says, "You're here more than they are, and they work here."

I stand and exhale. Faye's my best friend, but sometimes she acts like the big sister I never wanted. I bend and grope for my purse, careful not to look at Andrew's headstone.

"I didn't know there was a limited number of times I could visit my boyfriend," I tell her, grabbing my journal.

Faye moves her black hair from her left eye and presses her lips together. Although she has tanned skin, it's easy to see her freckles. After a long moment, Faye looks pained as she tells me, "He wouldn't want this, you know."

I briskly walk to the cemetery exit and flip my red hair behind my shoulders. "What? A visit from me."

"No, Winnie, you know what I mean." Faye catches up with me, then continues, "It's been a year. I miss him too, but it's time for you to move forward with your life."

"Faye," I stop and turn around so fast she bumps into me. Then, a second later, I hotly tell her, "Andrew says that as long as we feel that person in our hearts, they're never far from us."

"Used to say," Faye says.

I shake my head and blink as her words filter into my heart. Suddenly, I feel overwhelmed.

Move forward?

Forget about Andrew.

How?

No, he's not gone or forgotten.

There's never going to be another man I'll love as profoundly as Andrew. When I open my mouth to speak, Faye quickly says, "Let's go out to dinner tonight. My treat, Winnie."

After I force a smile, I nod.

***

Today, the silence at work makes me sleepy. I sit at my desk at the library, pretending to do something meaningful. Then, with a sigh, I look around at the library patrons.

The man in the corner is asleep. Although I'm supposed to wake him, I let him sleep. If my supervisor says something, then I'll wake him. I shrug.

The library phone rings.

"Columbus Metropolitan Library," I rattle off, "this is Winsome. How can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm searching for some books," the man with the deep, low voice says.

"Well," I turn to the computer, then grab paper and pencil instead. "Do you have the author's name or title of the book?"

"No."

I stifle a sigh. "What's the genre?"

There's a long pause. It's so long that I think the caller has ended the call.

"Hello?"

"Pardon me. I think my attraction to redheads is overwhelming sometimes."

My heart falls to the pit of my stomach. Andrew used that same line when we went on our first date, and neither could think of anything to say. I frown, getting angry. "Well, sir, I'm sorry about overwhelming you, but I can only help you by getting more information about your book."

Another long pause.

I grip the telephone receiver and think about visiting Andrew later. He—

"I've never had the fortune to meet a woman who would share my busy lifestyle." The caller adds, "I'm sure there's a book about that."

I roll my eyes, ready to "politely" tell the caller how I feel. Suddenly, when I stop and let the voice roll through my head like a song, I stomp my foot and ask, "Chandler? Is that you?"

"What are they doing to you at that place if you can't recognize my voice," he chuckled.

As I lean against the counter, I relax. Excitement rushes through me, and I bite my bottom lip. "You know, I'll get you back for that."

"Good," he says, "as long as you're in L.A. when it happens."

There's a long pause. This time it's because of me. I think about telling Chandler about Andrew and how much I don't want to leave him right now. However, I know Chandler won't understand.

I change the subject. "Have you ever considered visiting a beautiful place on the lake?"

"Lake?" Chandler says, "Nah. But, if you were trying to persuade me to visit the most gorgeous redhead on Earth, I'll consider it."

I laugh. "I miss you, Chandler."

"I miss you too, Winsome," he says in a serious tone.

***

I arrive home from work ready to grab some ice cream, sit in bed and finish my audiobook. Although I'm thankful for the job at the library, it's just something to pay my bills.

What makes me feel more guilty about working there, I've been promoted several times with just a bachelor's degree. However, my dream is marketing. I'd love to work on advertising campaigns.

Is it crazy that I'd rather be a secretary or personal assistant than a librarian?

As I enter the living room, my phone rings, and I trip over Faye's heels that she's left near the couch.

Faye rushes into the living room, then cringes when she sees me on the floor. She hurriedly picks up her heels and gives me a pitying look. "I'm wearing these tonight at dinner."

"I'll probably be wearing a cast," I sarcastically say as my phone stops ringing.

When Faye rushes toward me, I wave her off. I will probably feel pain tomorrow, but I'm okay right now.

My phone rings again.

I sit up and fish it out of my purse, answering it without looking.

Chandler?

Instantly, I regret it.

"Winsome LaBelle, will you please answer the phone when I call—the first time." Abbygail LaBelle orders.

Her high-pitch voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

"Winsome," she asks, "are you listening to me? Hmm, never mind. Come back to L.A. at once. I have a man for you to meet."

"Mother, I'm busy."

"Winsome, why don't you get over your little spoiled brat routine. It's been four years now, and your father misses you." Abbygail insists. "Can you even remember why you ran off to that godforsaken town?"

I shake my head.

Yes, I remember. I needed to get away from you and your horrible attitude. I sigh. No, the real reason is that you've prohibited me from working in the family business.

You want me to be a socialite like you. Well, that's not me. You'd know that I'm nothing like you if you knew me.

"I must go, Mother."

Abbygail sounded rushed when she told me, "You have two days to return to L.A. But, I will not have you ignore Vincent. He's a very influential man and can open many political doors for your brother."

Although I thought about telling her that Rick didn't want a career in politics, I decided to do what Andrew always suggested. I ended the call.

I look at Faye and tell her, "Give me an hour to get dressed, and we're out of here."