Chapter 5

In the bathroom I run the shower hot enough to pink my skin, but the scalding water and humid steam aren’t enough to wash away the feeling of disgust clinging to me. I’m older than this,I tell myself, scrubbing down beneath the hot spray. He’s just a guy, nothing to get excited about. I’ve had guys before.

But I’ve never had one quite like him, with that champagne laugh which intoxicates the more you hear it, or a body like Adonis, tanned and buff. And to be honest I don’t havehim, either—he’s the guy next door, the new kid on the block, and he already has a boyfriend. Even if they weretalking about me last night, even if he doesthink I’m cute, there’s nothing I can do about it. I may not like Rudy, no, but I remember all too well the way it felt when I came home and found John, myJohn, with another man. My heart still twists in my chest when that scene rises unbidden in my mind. No, I won’t put anyone else through that.