1 1. Thinking wild

I am a very quiet person, with very wild dreams, which do not let me sleep. And one of them came true last summer.

I was in a serious relationship with my boyfriend, for last five years. And we had to break up (because of some serious family issues). It's been over a year almost. But I wasn't able to forget him, though I tried hard to do so, tried to date a new person, which obviously didn't work out well. So, finally I gave up. I accepted the fact that, he wouldn't leave me until I find another amazing person, which will fill all the empty rooms of heart with his presence.

Months went by, and I kept searching. Then I found a new crush, a famous movie actor. A tall, handsome, masculine and smart with abs you will die for. And how amazingly natural his muscles were!

So, at first, I just liked him a little, like all my other favorite actors. Then I kind of started to like him a lot. I watched his two of my favorite movies hundreds of times. Still my eyes weren't satisfied. And his movies weren't even in my language so; I used to watch dubbed movies. But my ears wanted to hear his original voice. So, I gave a try to his original language movies. They were quite difficult to understand, but subtitles helped a lot. Also, I used to watch all of his video songs, which were mesmerizingly beautiful. I remembered the lyrics of his songs in both the languages, mine & his. It took a lot of practice to reach the actual pronunciation of his language. But I nailed it too.

Then my heart started to ask for more. I wanted to know him personally. I wanted to know everything about him. How he thinks, how he sleeps. Is he arrogant or is he polite? Is he social or is he non-social? Is he vegetarian or non-vegetarian? What kind of movies he likes. What are his hobbies? What are the things, he hates. What are the things, which influence him. What kind of movies does he like to watch. You know, I wanted to know everything. So, I thought to watch his interviews. But there was a itty bitty problem. He didn't speak my language. So, most of his interviews were in his language. But I was able to find two of them in English. Neither his language, nor mine. It was fine. I hoped to at least to could understand him.

So, I started to watch the first show. And it was 50 minutes long. I was so happy to get to watch him for whole 50 minutes, in a personal interview. But there were two more of his co-actors were there with him, to accompany him. Fine! It was fine. If I could divide 50 minutes, I was happy to watch him at least 20 minutes. So, the show started.

He entered the room. I could feel his presence through the TV screen. So intense, yet calming, so powerful yet polite, so stylish yet natural, so successful yet very humble. The host welcomed him and he smiled nervously. I kind of liked that. But his co-actors, they were enjoying being there a lot. My heart was skipping for him though. I was worried about his nervous face. I told him in my mind, "it is okay, you can do it."

The interview started. And then it ended, where I learned a single thing about him. He was lazy, even lazy to talk. Plus he was an introvert. I'm introvert too, so I could relate to him. And he didn't like to interact with new people, it irritated him. I knew that feeling too. He was unusual celebrity. He didn't like the limelight. He enjoyed being famous, but he didn't like to make conversation with people a lot. I loved that too. And I got to know one more thing, he was smart too. Whatever words he spoke (He literally spoke only 8-10 sentences within 50 minutes of time span), showed his smartness level. God, he was looking hot with his careless nature whenever he spoke. I enjoyed looking at him smiling, nervously. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't. The host made him play a game, but he didn't want to play it at all. Still, he politely played it and lazily lost it too. He didn't even try to win. He wasn't hungry of winning at all. I loved that. He was imperfectly perfect. I kept smiling while looking at him.

How perfect was he!

Then few days later, I started to watch another show. I honestly didn't like to watch that show. But I gave it a shot for him. Plus, his co-actress wasn't my favorite either. But this time I was expecting to hear some real stuff from him. The show was in my language, but he has to converse in English (He didn't know my language well). So, I was hopeful. Then the show started. He entered smiling nervously as expected. Then he smiled further more. And then he kept smiling. He kept smiling until the host stopped asking him questions. He literally didn't even speak a whole sentence. I got so frustrated. I had to hear my not so favorite actress's giggling beside him. How torturing it was! And I didn't even get to hear his voice. Don't ask me, how angry I was. But whom I was going to tell? So, I kept it to me and tried to calm down.

I tried to fulfill my hunger by watching his movies repetitively. I remembered all the dialogues from the movie, lyrics of the songs. But I was still hungry, hungry to hear his real voice. Was it even possible for me to hear his voice? I didn't know that back then either. Then I decided to follow him on Instagram. I checked his profile. There was nothing much other than some movie promotions. He didn't like to share his personal life with anybody. I liked that. He was mysterious. And it was making me crazy, making me go mad to know him even more. But he was a star and I was a normal girl from another city, who speaks another language. But I wanted to try everything to get in touch with him. What was there to lose? Either I will get to talk to him or I have to accept that I can't. I decided to message him. But how? All of his personal contacts were unavailable. Then I decided to drop a personal message on Instagram. I knew, they (celebrities) don't read personal messages. Plus, they don't even handle their own accounts. Still, I had to try. I had a calling and I had to follow it. And I started typing….

'Hi,

I know, celebrities don't read personal messages. I kind of felt of writing you one. Don't know if you will get to read this. But still, I'm writing anyway.

I'm kind of disappointed because of you. I am a big fan of You & xxxxxx both. Though you're far too much different than him. I didn't like you at first, you know. You don't actually talk. I watched a whole episode of 'Cxxxx xxx xxxxx', only to hear few words from your mouth. I mean, I literally was begging to the god to make all the other people to stop talking. But they kept talking and you didn't. You just smiled. And how lazy you're! I mean, I won't even apologize to call you lazy. You're lazy! Or a hard-working guy only while working like Mr. Xxxxxxx explained.

Also, I watched a whole episode of 'xxxxx xxxxxx xxxx for 'xxxxx' promotion. And all what I heard was xxxxxx's talks and watched you smiling. God! How disappointed I was! But that's ok. You're an introvert. Me too! So, I can understand you in that matter.

But it would have been nice to hear your voice. That deep, masculine voice. It kind takes on the journey of fantasy. Or I don't know. Sorry for sweet words, it came out naturally.

And also, I tried to watch your videos with xxxxxxxxx team, some fun videos, but they were also in xxxxxxx 😔. You know, I don't understand xxxxx. I'm trying to learn it now. Only to hear and understand you while watching undubbed xxxxx movies. But it's quite different and difficult than xxxxx & xxxxxxx. Let's see how much I learn.

Looking forward to hear your voice. And actually understand it this time.

Also, if you like reading books, I am a writer. A fantasy writer! I can share my book if you want. Also note that, this isn't an advertisement. I will share the link only if you want to read.

Yours,

NK.

I also added few more lines..

'Also, if you don't want to read, that's ok. You can message me if you wish to talk. 😀'

I don't know what I was expecting, but I messaged him, like a silly stupid girl, to express my feelings. Or that's what I thought back then. Who knew what's going to happen!!!