Chapter 2: rebirth.

Her back lifted abruptly taking a long sharp gasp before gasping more until her chest relaxed, letting her last memories to flashed back in her mind, 'was I saved,' she ground her teeth, "damn it, why, why, it shouldn't work be this," she can't even die as she wanted. Upon taking notice of her surroundings, though, she shut up at once, and her brows knitted together. Something was off, completely off, isn't this her old room in her mother's house.

'This doesn't make any sense.'

Slowly, she noticed more and more strange things around her. The old furniture, her old smartphone, her school bag... all things of the past that have been long gone were there. She took her smartphone and her eyes went wide, the date on the screen was 01-spt-2016, that was about 10 years ago.

'Am Ishe dreaming?'

No that shouldn't happen, her brain mustn't be able to work without blood supply it with oxygen. Could it be that she's saved and now in a comatose state, and her damaged brain was dreaming about her childhood? Well, that was the only logical thing she could think of. The thing is, everything was just too real to be just a figment of her imagination.

She pinched her hand a few times and it hurts. Did she really come back in time, it made more sense for her than someone have saved her, or that everything was just a prank. No, she hoped it was true, that would be the only reason that would stop her from ending her life right now. Her hands shivered before her, she stretched one hand and took a small mirror from the bedside table's drawer, and brought it in front of her face.

The mirror showed a young girl in her teens, with a small face that the unhealthy skin couldn't hide its loveliness as her black hair cascaded smoothly and overflowed over her shoulder, her big almond eyes were moist, and her small nose reddened. Her fine jaw quivered as she looked at the young reflection of herself. Tears streamed from her eyes. She let go of the mirror and brought her hands to her mouth sobbing. Her hands pulled the blanket to her chest and buried her face on it. She balled up on her bed, and her cries broke loose, her chest heaved uncontrollably.

"Ahhh... ahhhhhhhhhhh… Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

She cried so hard, she couldn't believe she really went back in time, such a huge miracle. She let her grief out for a while before relief started to settle in her heart.

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

Though she blamed God so much for what happened before in her desperation, she was thankful now, extremely thankful, she can't describe her limit. She never knew her kind of normal life was so precious.

"Lanru, wake up already!"

Her muffled cries stopped but her tears multiplied when she heard the voice calling. Her chest shivered, and her eyes reddened more. She walked out of her room, step by step as the view of the kitchen appeared bit by bit, and the back of a woman in her early thirties came into view. She put her hands on her mouth and pressed hard forcing back her cries. She already accepted her return, but seeing her mother alive overwhelmed her with a rush of mixed memories and contradicted emotions.

Actually, her biggest regret aside from her family grievous death was the bad relationship she had with her mother. She had a hard childhood, she was picked on for as long as she could remember for being a bastard. Why did she have to suffer for her mother's mistake? She couldn't direct her anger at the countless people who mocked her and had only her mother to blame. She wished she didn't birth her without a father, and like everyone, she started to think her mother was easy and indecent. Even the man she married later was a useless scumbag, and he left her after she had another child. If her father was just a drunk mistake, why did she have to marry such a scumbag and make their life harder? Her mother wasn't the most patient either, she wasn't violent, but she didn't take bullshit from her nonetheless if she had to.

Growing, and experiencing more of life, her perspective started to change, she knew her mother was bearing a heavy responsibility that she doesn't have the time or the energy to care about her daughter's issues. She came to realize that back then her mother's pool of men was cut down because of her. Had her mother been indecent, or a gold-digger, she would have gone after her father for support, especially after her pregnancy. She would have had a luxurious life as a mistress. She didn't though. She accepted that jerk, thinking at least he loved her, they can make a normal family and help each other, and it was always good to have a man in the house to ward off bad people and stop others from pointing fingers at them.

She realized her mother suffered too much because she chose to keep her, out of all people, she should have never blamed her for her birth. Though her last life was hard and meaningless, she was still glad that she got the opportunity to live, only after her family's death that she lost the will to live.

Though she realized her mistake back then, it was already too late. They drifted too far apart for so long to mend things. She was drowned in her own hardships, she didn't have the willpower to spare some effort to fix things of the past.

Her mother's head turned toward her for a moment, before she looked back at the pan. She didn't notice anything wrong, she just checked which of her children woke up, "Wait for a second, the breakfast would be ready in a moment... Go wake up your lazy brother for me."

Looking at her mother's back, with her old clothes plagued with old and new stains, her dry skin, and her calloused hands. Traces of hardship all over the place buried her feminine side and took a toll on her youth, she was just in her early thirties. Tears flowed uncontrollably from her eyes again. The look of her breathless mother with bulging dead eyes flashed in front of her. Her legs moved forward, her hands wrapped her mother's chest, and her face planted on her back. Her mother's hands stopped awkwardly, not knowing what befall her.

Feeling the warmth of her mother and her breaths full of life, Lanru's resolve strengthened, to protect her mother this time, 'I will never let that happen again.'

Mayin recovered from her daze and looked at her over her shoulder, "What's happening, Lanru."

"Sorry mother, I'm really sorry."

Mayin couldn't understand what's happening, her daughter never was a sentimental kid, and never showed her any favorable impression, but her confusion broke into tears of her own after hearing her daughter add, "I will make sure you will never regret giving birth to me." Mayin turned and hugged her daughter back. This was the first time they hugged each other for a long time, ever since her daughter was naïve and didn't understand what's happening in the world. Their tears turned into weak sobbing,

Mayin didn't understand why she, herself, was crying either, as for her daughter, she didn't know how to ask her either, she was in a daze until she heard the chuckling of her daughter, "sorry mom, it looks like I can't keep my promise, I already made you burn the breakfast," only then she noticed the charring smell assaulting her nose.

Mayin hurried, turning off the fire, as fast as she turned back and scooped her daughter back into her embrace again, "silly girl, even if the house burned, even I died giving birth to you, I will never regret having you," she sighed as she looked at the ceiling, "my only regret is I couldn't give you a better life... had I been able... I would never let you go to your father." she tightened her hug and breathed deeply, "do you know how I missed hugging my sweet little bunny."

A trembling sniffle escaped Lanru's mouth, her eyes teared again. She tightened her hands around her mother. "Mother, you...you did more than enough... I was just ignorant to appreciate you, I'm really sorry, mom," Mayin's heart stopped for a moment, just what is happening with her daughter, there was nothing happier for her than these words her daughter uttered, but her daughter sudden change worried her.

Lanru added before she could say anything, "It's my turn now, just you wait, mom, I'll take care of you," she was selfish in the past as a child, she cared only about her suffering. She was only the daughter and she had to deal with so much, her mother the one involved, god knows how much she had to deal with in silence, the hardship she witnessed her mother go through must only be the tip of the iceberg.

The dam Mayin built as she hardened her heart to take care of the family collapsed completely, her tears flooded and her wails raised uncontrollably, "Just.. what… I couldn't even… take care of you… what… just what.. are you saying..." She thought that she was gonna lose her daughter once she left the house, but she couldn't stop her from having a better life, she was already guilty that she kept her from her father's care all these years, but now she was saying all this. Her mind lost control and her heart took over pouring all its pent-up grief. She hugged Lanru so hard, the latter felt a bit of pain, but she did mind not it at all, instead, she embraced this warmth she forgot existed in her past life.

Mayin wiped her tears as she calmed a bit, "so embracing," she pushed Lanru gently, "wait for a bit, I will make you another one."

Lanru smiled seeing her mother out of character, "let me help you, mom."

"No, just go and sit, I want to make this for you myself before you leave,"

She wanted to insist, she wanted to do something with her before she had to leave, but seeing her mother's eagerness she stopped herself, there would be a lot of other opportunities from now on. She let her mother lead her to the dining table, and force her on the chair.

Looking at her mother in the kitchen, her usual cold face brightened, her ponytail moving energetically, she was even humming. Just a few words of appreciation from her melted the coldness out of her mother's heart. It was painful and joyful at the same time, 'I won't live in regret," she was really thankful for this chance, how can she waste it in pain, she had a lifetime's worth of it. This time she would make the most out of her life. She would drown her mother in all the love and gratitude she wasn't able to express in the past.