I want to hold your hand

I stay in the shade of Goshinboku and i wait for the food.... Ahhh its good when another one is working for the food. I felt the smell of blood even from this distance and i know that Sesshomaru is at the river, cleaning the pheasants and i smell another animal that is bigger.

I am touching my belly and i still can't believe that i will have my own pup.

Its like everything has changed in better.

I still have to think about Naraku and the possibility that it hasn't been destroyed. Its a small chance but its something that we need to look in more detail.

I look at Shippo that its starting to wake up and his little nose is smelling all around him.

-Oy. How much time you will fake sleeping? The food will be here in a minute.

I see him opening his eyes and he rises to his feet in a second and he looks at me.

-Papa..

Shippo jumps in my arms and his orange tail is moving with excitement and from happiness.

I feel how my t shirt is getting wet from his tears but i chose not to say anything. We both had a exciting week, Shippo almost lost another papa figure from his life and i almost lost my pup and my family.

I dont know how much my soul would have survived if something happened to my pup and my  Shippo.

The only thing stopping me to be completely happy is the fact that i am afraid and my own stupid low esteem .

I look at my Shippo how he looks at me with his beautiful eyes that still has a few tears  and i try to wipe his baby cheeks.

-Its ok. Im here now.

-Papa, you smell different. You smell like Sesshomaru....

-Of course he smells like me. I am his mate.

I look at Sesshomaru and im very hungry. He has 4 fat pheasants in his arms that are already cleaned from the guts but i feel that Shippo is trembling again.

-Shhh, its ok. Everything will be ok from now on.

-Papa?

-i..... I decided that i will try and give him a chance to...  all this.... mate thing. So from now on you will have a father as well.... i hope.

I look at Shippo how he looks at me and next at Sesshomaru, his mouth is open and i see his inquire look. I dont have any experience with surprise news but i hope he doesnt start playing tricks on Sesshomaru just to compete for affection.

I look at the pheasant in Sesshomaru's hand and i look at him making a suggestion with my eyes.

-Ummm, im really hungry . Can i start eating?

I say all this with a coy voice and i feel my cheeks getting a bit hot.

-En.

He gives me the pheasant and i start using my claws and i start taking the meat off the bones. I give a piece of meat to Shippo and the other i devour it. Every time I eat a piece of meat i make sure that Shippo eats his fill and he eats the best and the most tender piece of meat. As i give Shippo another piece of meat, i notice in front of me a piece of meat. It still has a little blood and it smells like its from a young bird.

I look at Sesshomaru and i ask him.

-Is for me?

He nod at me and i try taking it from his hand but he doesnt want to give it to me.

-Let me feed you....

And now guess what... I look in his eyes and i nibble at the meat that is in his hand.

Is it more delicious?

I eat it slowly, enjoying the freshness and his eyes keeps looking so intense at me that i fail to notice that a few drops of blood have escaped on my chin.

His eyes are traveling with the drops of the blood and his face is coming closer to me.

His lips are so close that if i move closer i could kiss him. He starts to lick the droplets and i know very well that what he is doing is a sigh of affection . I want it too.

I wait for Sesshomaru to make a move and to kiss me but i wait in vain. After he cleaned the blood from my chin i notice that he stopped..

Wait. Thats is? Just  this..... I want more...

I look at my mate.... And i make the final step and i kiss Sesshomaru.

I  touch his lips and i feel them a little cold.

I start to move them slowly and i wait for permission to taste him and  with the tip of my tongue i ask for permission but....

Nothing.     He doesn't react at all. I stop all my efforts... I dont have the courage to look at him.

I feel disappointed. Its the first time i initiate something and i think i read the mood wrong. I am afraid to look in his eyes.....

-I'm sorry,  i.....

-inuyasha .....

And that's   all the warning i got...

Sesshomaru jumped on me. He took the kiss to another level. He is kissing me with so much violence that i think my lips will be bruised after this, i feel how his tongue is looking for a tiny gap and and i try to breath and like this i give him the chance.

Ohh kami, i feel like i will melt in his arms, the taste so good and i feel how his tongue is struggling to invade me.

I feel like i lost all my air and i try to breath because my lungs are burning and i open my mouth more. That was all it took for him to possess my mouth.

We are lost both of us in the kiss that we failed to notice that we are crushing Shippo between us.

-Whaaaaaa...!!!

We stop kissing and i look at Shippo. Dear him, i think all this display of affection is a scary thing for him. I look at him how red his face is and the big tears that are like a river on his face and paired with his bloody mouth it just a funny image. I start kissing Shippo's face and i take a peak at Sesshomare and he is back to his cold self.

The only thing that could betray that something happened are his ears..

I cant expect that he will be different from his old self but i didnt know he had such heat bottled inside him.

That was one heck of a kiss.

-That was....  umm delicious.

I say this while   peeking at his reactions.

I notice how he swallowed his saliva and he looks at Shippo with a look that says 'you failed'

How come i never notice his small ticks and those looks.

-I think we should go  to the village if we finished here. I need to change my clothes and i want to talk to Kaede.

-Whats wrong with your clothes?

-Not the right era... I will attract to much attention to me. My clothes are stored to a chest inside the village.

-I see nothing wrong with your clothes.

-Its just that i am not used to look at my hands and see my markings. It feels weird.

-They are beautiful...

I stop and i look at Sesshomaru and i see him already starting to walk to the village. Did he just complemented my markings? Does he likes them?

He stops in his tracks and he looks at me and he gives his hand.....?

I swallow the nod i have in my throat and i take his hand.

..... I want to hold his hand,...

-Lets go. Come Shippo..

Shippo jumped on my shoulder and i feel him cuddling next to my mark.

Is this how it should feel being wanted?....

Who knows what the future will be. From the words of the other Sesshomaru, my future could be the same or it could be different.

All i have to do is to live and to change it all.