87 87 Caution

The papers were signed, the notoriety leaving, Brian picked up the cookies and waters that were out on the table, while I still sat there staring at my mother, trying to make sense of those words. 

"Can I see or talk to you again?" My mother asks, cautiously.

Biting on my thumb, I contemplate her question. "You're really clean? Will you take a drug test to prove it?" 

My mother quickly nods her head, "Yes. I will."

Brian clears his throat, "I have a broad spectrum test here. I have to use them with other clients sometimes. If you really want to have her do that."

I nod, "Yes, please. Thank you, Brian." 

Brian opens a cabinet and pulls out a basket and grabs a test cup test and hands it to my mother. "There you are Mrs. Xenos."

My mother nods and exits to the bathroom. I turn to Brian, "Can those be fooled?"

Brian shakes his head, "Highly unlikely. It's not like she knew you were going to ask her to do it." 

Her mother comes back with the test and Brian pulls out some gloves and does something to the cups lid before waiting a few moments. He checks the guide and nods in my direction.

"She's clean."

I nod, "We shall see. I'm not committing to anything more than meeting for lunch or something along those lines."

My mother's eyes fill with more tears as a strained smile spreads across her face, "That's all I ask for." 

Suddenly uncomfortable, I stand and shift my clothes into place, "Yes. Well, until then." I nod to Brian and take Jacksons arm and quickly make my way out of his office. I needed to get out of there and away from her so I could try and think straight. Jackson took the hint and we made our way to the Lincoln for Dave to drive us back home.

The second we were on the road, my body melted into Jackson's side, hiding my face into the crook of his neck, letting his scent keep me calm, focusing on breathing it in. He wraps an arm around me and holds me firmly to him until we make it back to the house. He thanks Dave and dismisses him for the rest of the day before we head inside. 

Once inside, I'm slipping out of my shoes and head upstairs. I wash my face and then flop onto my bed. I grab my pillow and shove my face into it, emotionally drained and feeling like I was stretched thin and wrung out like laundry. I hear Jackson's footsteps entering the room and a heavy sigh escapes him before his weight causes the edge of the bed to sink next to me.

His hand comes to rest on the small of my back and makes slow soft circles, "I'm surprised you are contemplating seeing her again. Is there a reason for that?" 

I take in a shaky breath through the fabric of the pillow my face is buried in before I push myself up enough to slowly turn to face him. I let out a heavy sigh as I consider what I should say. Do I tell him about the haunted look that mirrored my own familiar one? The guilt that I was the one causing that emotion in her? Do I tell him that she's still my mother and a small part of me still loved her no matter what? Do I tell him that I have some spark of hope that she maybe really wants to be a part of my life as my mother? That a part of me has always pathetically craved that, even from her? That I desire that maternal love still to this day? 

I blink as heavy tears fall, sliding across the bridge of my nose and corner of my eye to audibly drip onto the fabric of my pillow. He leans over and kisses my forehead, before leaning back as I let out a heavy sigh, trying to reign my emotions back under my control. 

"There is a reason for that..." I struggle to say, "but I am unsure if I can say it out loud and for you to understand me." 

Jackson takes my hand in his and raises it to his lips and kisses my knuckles, "Why don't you try? I would like to know where your mind is."

I close my eyes and nod with a furrowed brow and grimace. "You will probably think that I am a fool, but..." I swallow hard, "a part of me wants her to be a mom to me." My heart feels like it is being pulled out of my chest as I take some stressed breaths. "I've craved my parents love even after all they've both done to me over the years. Pretty foolish, huh?" My voice is thick with emotion, trying to keep myself together as my heart waits in anxious apprehension for Jackson to reply. 

He waits until my eyes are open again and are on him. He runs his hand along my hair, pushing some stray strands behind my ear. "You are not foolish for wanting what everyone should have from the start. I am merely concerned if there is an alterative motive that we are unaware of. We both know how manipulative your mother was when you were younger. I can only imagine she still uses that to her advantage when she can." 

I nod, "I know and that's my biggest concern right now. I just don't know why or what advantage she may be trying to work. There's no way in hell I will ever 'loan' or give her money, so she'd be stupid to try." I let out a heavy breath. 

Jackson shakes his head, "You were unrelenting on not wanting anything to do with her until the end there. Why the sudden change? Is it just because of that hope?" He takes one of my hands in his, holding it as he searches my face for answers. 

I look down at our combined hands and start fiddling with his fingers. "When ever my dad would ... I would end up in the bathroom to clean up and would eventually have to look at my reflection." My voice is devoid of emotion even though I feel a million of them rolling around inside of me. "I recognized that void in her eyes she had earlier. I had seen it in my own reflection too many times caused by my father...." I glance at his face and quickly look away because I can't handle the emotions on his face too. "and there it was, on her, because of me.." I blink, feeling the droplet fall from my chin that I wipe away in haste. Now he will understand that I couldn't let myself cause pain like my father did, even to my shitty ass mother.

"Oh Melita..." Jackson hops over me into the bed and holds me close. "I can not say why she had that similar look on her face, but I can tell you that it's not your fault. If anything, SHE is the cause of those emotions for herself. Which she should be feeling after everything. She deserves to feel haunted by her decisions and abandoning you. I wish mine would have shown a sliver of remorse when I finally went to go see them in prison. Neither one of them even cared I was there, you know. They just wanted money on their books for whatever. That's neither here nor there though, my Lita. Remember that she could still be trying to manipulate you. We should approach any further contact with her with caution."

I attempt to give him a forced smile, "I'm so grateful I have you in my life again. I don't know where I would be if you were not around." 

Because it's true. I wouldn't have my friendship with Sarina, Lirael, none of them if it hadn't been for me going to that store to find something for Jackson that day. I don't know how I would have handled the issues at my work with Sybil or if my mother had contacted me without the amount of support that I have now. I don't know how I survived without these people in my life prior.

While contemplating that thought, Jackson brings his lips to mine and lays soft, languid kisses on my own. I return his kisses, allowing him to continue at a easy pace. There's nothing sexual about this kiss, it's soothing, caring, and full of contented emotions. 

Which is a good thing. My abused sex could not handle anything more at the moment after last night and this morning. Just walking and sitting was uncomfortable enough. However, I know that Jackson will not touch me there until I am able to walk or sit without a sign of my discomfort. 

So knowing this, I couldn't help the spark of mischief that flared to life in me. I run my hands up on his chest, rubbing softly enough to seem nonchalant about it to not give me away. Our lips still caressing each others, I move mine enough to pebble soft kisses across his jaw line, up to his ear lobe and down his neck. His quick intake of breath has me moving my lips back up to his jaw and then to his lips again. All while my hands keep rubbing on his chest, something I know he likes and gets his motor running.

He groans as I deepen the kisses just enough to try and keep them lazy but still building it up inside of him.

"You think you're being so slick, but I know what you're doing, My Lita..." Jackson nips at my bottom lip before raising himself to hover over me. "Your pussy may be tender and sore but you sure don't seem to mind it. Otherwise you wouldn't be working on making me want to do the same to your ass."

My breath catches at his words, making my heart beat faster. "You jest." I state with wide eyes.

"Do you really want to tempt me about it?" I can't tell if he's joking or not. 

I bite my bottom lip and try to read him. "Maybe... just a little.." I tease out with a smile.

He groans, "Melita..."

Giggling, I run my hands up his chest and into his hair. "I do love to tease you but I won't take it too far." 

His hands find mine and takes them and presses them into the pillows above my head, "Be a good girl and keep those there."

"Yes, sir..."