79 79 FINE

"She is requesting to speak to you." Lance informs me over the phone. He had gone to my childhood home to deal with my mother over the place for me. "She is refusing to sign anything unless she's able to speak to you. She claims that she doesn't care where, when, or if you would wish to do it supervised, she just wants to speak with you."

I grit my teeth and snap the pen the was in my hand, thankfully not covering myself in ink. "FINE."

This has been going on for over a six months now and it was time to end it. I couldn't legally kick her out of the home since my father had never legally divorced her. However, I was still financially obligated to cover the taxes and such by the state since I took up that responsibility already and my name was the one on the paperwork and as the contact.

"Tell her, someone will be in touch with her to set up something. Thank you, Lance. I need to get back to work." 

I hang up and sigh, resting my head in my hands as try my best not to scream in frustration. I send a message to Jackson to let him know what was agreed upon today before pulling my work files up to do some reading. When I head out of the office everyone gives me space but also a kind smile.

They all know I've been going through some personal problems outside of work and it's been rough but they've all been supportive in any way they can, which I appreciate.

David is outside to take me back to my home which I'm still always closing my drapes and worried that some one is outside. The first week I was back home I caught two paparazzi and a few journalists approaching me if I stepped out to check the mail. One of the paparazzi I caught taking pictures through my window, while me and Jackson were cooking dinner. I've never seen Jackson so volatile. He had rushed out spotting the man ducking back into the shrubbery, chased him down and smashed the mans camera as he tackled him to the ground. 

That fury had my anxiety up around him for weeks, even though it was just my body reacting to the display of aggression. At least that is what Brian reassured me it was most likely from. 

My sessions with him have been progressing. With my incubator trying to talk to me though, I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with him. He suggested letting her talk to me in his office or somewhere else that was neutral territory and he could supervise if it would help me feel better. 

I send a message to Brian, knowing that his offer would be appreciated and to let me know when would be a good time. As we approach my house, I get apprehensive seeing a few other vehicles parked out front. 

"Do you know who those cars belong to?" I ask David as he slows down.

"Yes, some of Mr. Sawyers team have come by and are speaking with Jackson about the journalist and paparazzi that have been hassling the two of you." 

That makes me feel a bit better as he parks and walks with me to the front door, making sure I'm inside safely before leaving.

"Good evening, Ms. Xenos." One of Sawyers team greets me.

"Kevin.... " The man nods at my correct guess, "evening." I give a light smile as he directs me to the dining area that's covered in papers and surrounded by three others on Sawyers team, Mr. Sawyer and Jackson.

"Ah, Melita! Good evening, were wrapping up here for the night. Jackson informed me of your paternal issue.. I am surprised you didn't choose my firm to assist you." Mr. Sawyer looks disappointed, like a forgotten puppy. 

A twinge of guilt hits me at that look but I give him my best remorseful smile back, "Please, don't take it personal. I have a very good friend who's offices specializes in property and insurance cases who is privy to the finer details of the situation who's handling it for me. I didn't want to put more on your plate with what we've been having to deal with already." 

He smiles at me and pats my arm, "No worries. You two have been keeping me busy, even though it has been unintentional."

Jackson comes up and wraps his arms around my waist, pecking me on the cheek. "Well someone has to keep you clothed and fed." Jackson quips with a grin, making Sawyer laugh.

"That you do. We'll be out of your hair then, enjoy the rest of your evening." He follows his team who have gathered everything up off the table and make their way outside.

"Hello my Lita. I've missed you. How was your day other than your mother?" Jackson queries in my ear.

"It was fine." I start then remember the text I received this morning, "On a happier note, Lirael is expecting again. Apparently she's like two months along.." I inform him.

"Oh wow congratulations to those two." He says with a soft smile as I turn in his arms.

"Do you know what that means?" I giggle.

"Uh ... No...?" He asks lost.

I giggle harder, "It means they most likely got pregnant from the barbeque over at Sarina's when they disappeared to go buy wine!" **

Jackson laughs, "And they didn't come back with any. That's right."

He pulls me closer and gives me a soft kiss, "I look forward to the day we get to tell everyone we're expecting too, you know "

I freeze in his arms not expecting that. He notices and pulls back. "What's the matter?"

I pull away from him, "It's nothing. Just we haven't even discussed marriage yet and you're thinking about kids." I try to laugh it off awkwardly, knowing I'm not in the right mindset to have THAT discussion. 

Jackson shrugs, "Well it's kind of hard to not think of them when all your friends have kids and another has one in the oven."

I force a smile, "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm feeling famished right now. What are you in the mood for dinner?" I try to change the topic as I open the fridge and see what we could possibly make.

"Melita. Do you want to have kids one day?" Jackson asks me and my stomach hits the floor.

Fuck. I am not in the right frame of mind to discuss this right now. Might as well rip off the band-aid.

"I don't know, Jackson. I've never really thought about it before. I'm perfectly content being an auntie and focusing on my career that I worked so hard to achieve right now. Being a mother has never appealed to me personally." 

It's quiet in the kitchen as I pull myself from the fridge. I turn to Jackson who's eyes are wide, shocked and in pain. His mouth opens once before he closes it, his jaw tightening before he quietly mutters, "I'm not hungry, just make something for yourself." He turns and pauses, "I need to go to my place and take care of a few things. I'll be gone for a little while."

"Okay." It's all I can quietly say as he walks out of the house.

I know my response hurt him. However, I can't be dishonest with how I feel about having children of my own. It wouldn't be fair to myself or him. My mind could change later, sure, but I doubt it. I'm happy for my friends that they are having kids. I have worked hard for my career and would have to take leave if I was to have a child. Then hire a nanny to take care of the child when I went back to work. That's not fair to the child that needs it's parental figures to feel loved and protected. The nanny would end up taking that role and that's confusing to a child. Also, the stress and changes that would put on my body. Sure some consider it worth it, but those are people who actually want children who say that. I would resent the pregnancy, the changes, the stress, the child itself. The thought of bringing a child into this world period just sends anxious and nauseating feelings through my body. Just thinking about it is stressing me out because it's not something I want to do.

Now, he's upset with me but this is my body and I'm not going to change my mind just because he wants something that doesn't change his body at all. He better not come back here still upset and try to change my mind or talk me into it. I swear it will destroy me but I will not keep him by my side if he wants children.... he should find someone who will give that to him.

My thoughts have hot trails of uncontrolled tears streaming down my face. I love him that much, that if he truly wants children, I'll let him go so he can find his happiness with someone that's willing to, because that person is not me. 

**A/N**

** Is referring to the BBQ in If These Walls Could Talk 2: Brian 

I also want to point out that Melita's feelings about not wanting children of her own should never be shunned upon or told 'oh you will feel different once you have one', 'you'll change your mind..', 'it's just not the right time', 'isn't that selfish', 'but what about ___?' EVER. Everyone has the right to do whatever it is they want to with their body, no matter what that decision is. No one should ever have to defend their reason(s) to anyone other than their partner about it either. Period.

I'm going to hop off my soap box now.

Thanks!