Truth

She knows. Zach's mother must have told her mother, and he's sure she knows. It's why her nails are so fresh, her makeup so heavy, her dress so new. She's prepared to be surprised at any given moment. Ready for him to ask her to be his wife.

He can picture his life with her. He sees it from start to finish: having children, growing old, maybe finding happiness someday.

Maybe? Maybe finding happiness? He already found it once.

This is what my father wants me to do. It's not what I want.

"Can we talk in private?" he asks when she arrives before him with a grin. Nodding, she grabs his hand, and together they leave the building and retreat down an abandoned walkway which leads behind another.

Deciding this is as much privacy as they are going to get, Zach looks her in the eye. He respects Nina. He's spent this long observing her and accepting her feelings. He's wished every day that he could return those honest feelings. But, he just...can't.

"What do you think love is?"

Nina pushes herself into his chest like a small animal, obviously thrilled with the conversation's direction. "Love is what we have, silly. It's loyalty and uniformity. It's sharing a common goal." She smiles coyly at him. "It's starting a home together. Why, what do you think love is?" She smiles up at him.

It's a question that has been on his mind for some years now. And until exactly this moment, he's never had a proper answer, not in words. He does now.

"Love is...an attraction that turns into something more, something that's there from the first moment if you pay attention. You both know it, feel it. It's where you find yourself thinking about that person day and night because nothing else seems to matter except their happiness. You want to be with that person forever. And when you can be near them it seems like time itself stops. Love is...where the earth stands still...for both you and that one person who suddenly becomes your entire world, your only one." He looks down as his heart clenches and adds, "Your true love."

Zach's entire body seems both calm and so very alive, humming with jittery excitement. He can recall Shane's face, his skin, the shape of his hands over his own, everything. He sees him speaking to him with his cat-like face and predator's motive. And he can hear his voice revealing that underneath it all he is nothing but a tame house cat wanting attention.

It feels like Shane is standing next to him, smiling, waiting to tap him on the shoulder to ask for his turn, and for a moment, Zach panics.

Has he been waiting all this time? Did he take their last promise seriously? Or has he found love somewhere else and forgotten about him? He has to know. He has to try. Because he finally knows what love is.

The young woman in his arms takes a step back. Blushing, she takes his hands in hers as she considers his face.

"Zackie," she insists. "I had no idea you could be this romantic!" She laces her fingers in his and brings their hands between them, cooing, "Do you really feel that way about me?"

Ah, thinks Zach. She's reading the mood all wrong. He feels guilty but determined now and after staring back at her for a moment in pity—perhaps for her, perhaps for himself—he responds,

"No."

Genuine shock flickers across her face at his bluntness. He lowers his hands and releases her grip a little more forcefully than he intends, only because she is clutching so tightly with her manicured fingers.

"Nina, I'm sorry but I don't love you. It's taken me this long to remember. I'm in love with someone else. I have to go."

He rushes down the path, one thing on his mind. I have to see him.

He hears Nina call out to him in confusion but can't seem to hear her words over the rushing waves in his mind and heart. How many emotions can he feel at once? How long has it been since he felt so many things? Confusion, determination, excitement, sheer panic.

It's as if he is once more sixteen years old and making the decision to jump the bus, leaving everything behind for the sake of his heart. But this time, it will be different. Today, he isn't wondering. This time, he knows.

In his mind, he can see the welcoming sign. He can see himself on that bridge, on the narrow trails, in Shane's house. How is his sister doing? Did they ever leave the town to see something new? And what of Granny? The old man and woman. The fields. So many questions; he wonders how he could have lasted this long muting his own thoughts and snuffing out the flame burning so fiercely now.

I'm so sorry, Nina. It took no time at all for me to fall back into old habits of doing what I'm told. By my parents, by my teachers. Even my peers.

It scares him that he so easily accepted his old life and his old self, forgetting Shane's face, forgetting the joy he felt in Shanan, the accomplishment he felt from working hard in the old man's tobacco fields. In fear, he had convinced himself that he could create a reality in which he never got off that broken down bus, that it was all a dream.

Will the town of Shanan still be there for him if he returns after betraying her for so long? And more importantly, will Shane?

________________

"Let's try...other stuff."

That's what he'd said. They hadn't crossed that line yet, Shane assumed because Brody had no intention of taking things that far. It's why he made it clear he has a girlfriend. Shane was fine with that. He didn't push him. Really though, he didn't even consider it. And now here he is, preparing himself for it.

Brody will be arriving any moment, and Shane takes the opportunity to bathe, washing away the filth of the day.

He feels good today, better than he has in a long time. And maybe it's because he's finally convinced himself of it after all these years, but he believes things will be okay. That his life, though not perfect, will be what he makes of it. He's twenty-one. He's an adult.

Zach isn't here. And his life is his own.

So tonight, he intends to make the best of it with Brody.