1 January 16, 2020

I'm looking back at our texts. Everything was going so good that I can't help but wonder, "where did we go wrong?".

On Monday you seemed distant, I thought you were just having a bad day. Tuesday and Wednesday passes by and you still seem distant. At lunch you would usually come and hug me as soon as you saw me, but why have you changed? Now you see me and continue walking as if I wasn't even there. I was ready to go talk to you on Thursday during our only class together. I saw you passing by and as my usual self towards you, I said hi with the biggest smile. But why did yours didn't seem genuine? Was it something I said? Was it something I did? I don't know, but I decide to just think that you were having a bad day...

I saw you walking into the boys locker room. Why? You never change? Why does it look as if you just went in there to avoid me. What happened to all of those hugs and warm smiles? Where did they go? I just want to know...

I do notice you looking towards me a few times, but why don't you come talk to me? You're talking to your friends and you seem fine, you talk to me, you look as if it were the first time that we ever talked to each other.

When we were sitting down in row call, you walked pass me. I instantly grab your hand to help me up to be able to talk to you. You just look at me. I ask you "what happened?" You say "nothing" "are you okay?" "Yes, I'm okay" you say with a small chuckle. "Are you sure?" "Yes, don't worry" you say as you pat my head. Why lie though? If you were fine, you would've stayed. But you left.

The rest of the class you still seem distant. You're doing and saying the same stuff that you once said to me, to other people. I start thinking of reasons for him to be mad or annoyed at me, but I just can't think of any. During class, we both saw at the same time a boy and a girl that are just like we used to be. Hugging and all happy together. I know it also reminded you of us... your expression also became sadder, just like mine. If we're both suffering. Why don't we fix something that we could easily fix with just another one of our hugs?

When we were about to leave, I was with my friend talking, when I see you walking towards us. I instantly thought that you were coming to talk to me. I got so happy that maybe your "bad day" became better. So I say hi to you, so much brighter than before. But all you did was say "hey." And talk to my friend ignoring me completely. Even my friend is surprised! She looks at me with a confused expression. She hugs me and tells you "she's mine" but all you do is say "okay. I never asked" and leave. Everyone that saw is shocked. Everyone knows how close we used to be, and now all of a sudden, you don't care?

At that moment I already knew that our relationship was at risk, but I just wanted to stay positive.

As soon as I got home, I cried and cried. I basically cried myself to sleep.