A Dream Said And A Promise Unsaid
Jay Yi's face shot up at his voice, lighting up in pure relief as she realised it was Hwan and not Mun Jeon who had stepped in.
Did Jay Yi think he would allow Mun Jeon anywhere near her for this fraudulent farce? The relief on her face at the realisation it was him should have sparked pleasure in his heart, but all it did was bring home the grim realisation that they were entangled in an exceedingly inappropriate and dangerous situation.
Jay Yi wanted to run away, hide, be anywhere but here. One look at Hwan's obstinate face was enough to tell her he had no intention to proceed.
Their plan had been simple. Pretending to be three months pregnant, Jay Yi would ask for the elixir to guarantee a male child. Once it came into their hands, Hwan would send out the signal, and the capital army guards would arrest everyone involved. They had already studied the house and found a back door for Jay Yi, Hwan, Mun Jeon and Garam to escape through the woods.
In all fairness, there was no way any of them could have foreseen someone asking them to act in such an improper manner. Shamans generally used talismans for most rituals and did not engage in such uncommon practices. Husbands and their wives barely saw each other during the daytime, let alone display any form of public intimacy. This was Joseon, for heaven's sake. If discovered, even by their own soldiers, it would mean definite ruin for her and blemish Hwan. How did they land up in such a ludicrous bind? She could not let Ga-ram go through this terrible joke she had somehow landed herself in. She had to get it right.
Hwan could feel his teeth grind as he watched Jay Yi twisting the edges of the head skirt with her fingers, awkward, distressed. He would die before he would let any harm come to Jay Yi. He should have hauled everyone's behind to the prison and skinned them until they confessed. However, he also knew how tenacious these people could be, and this could be just the tip of the iceberg; there could be many other players who might escape.
Still, he could not let Jay Yi go through this.
"Before we proceed, I would like to have a word with my wife," Hwan said.
Wife.
Hwan and Jay Yi realised at the same time what Hwan said, and their eyes met. The sham took an even more sorrowful turn at the irony of it. Jay Yi wanted to cry. She looked away, blinking her tears.
The painful lump permanently lodged in Hwan's throat made its presence felt again in no uncertain terms. The bitter cold outside seeped its way into his heart.
The woman across them nodded. Pointing a bony, bejewelled finger to a pull rope attached to a bell hanging by a hook above the decorative table by the wall on their right, she said amicably, "Please ring this when you are ready." Looking at Jay Yi, she said, quite kindly, "Many women feel apprehensive, my lady, but do not worry, it is your husband, and you must not hide from him."
During the daytime, in front of other people?
"It's improper for others to see us together like this." Jay Yi choked.
"We are Shaman, carriers of the Spirits of our ancestors. There is nothing mortals do that is hidden from the spirits."
Jay Yi and Hwan stared after her in frustration as she left through a door behind her.
Hwan grasped Jay Yi's hand and pulled her up. He caught her shoulders, "Let us leave. I cannot allow this." He kept his voice inaudible, "I will send people from the Royal Investigation Bureau."
Jay Yi shook her head. "We cannot. If we do not get this right, and they get wind of it, they will escape. We cannot risk any more young lives, Your Majesty," she whispered back.
"Jay Yi, do you understand what she is asking of you?" Hwan almost shook her shoulders.
"It cannot be t-that bad. A bit of disrobing would not hurt if it could save lives. No one knows who we are. Outside of this room, no one will ever know. And – and I trust you."
A terrible protectiveness wrenched his heart.
"It does not matter how benign it might be; the fact that they are forcing you to be in such a scandalous position with a man is ruining enough."
"To their credit, they- they think we are married," Jay Yi whispered haltingly, colour ripening her cheeks before draining away.
Hwan felt like he was standing on a ground made of wet clay, the slippery slope yawning in front of him.
"Master Mun knows we are not, Jay Yi." Hwan looked away, gripping her shoulders tighter.
"I trust him too, Your Majesty, as much as I would have trusted my Oraboni."
Deep within his heart, Hwan knew she was right. Even though Hwan did not like him much, he could not argue that Mun Jeon was an honourable man.
It was not enough. He pulled her close. "The woman said a young shaman has to 'approve' of us, whatever that means. So, keeping that in mind, let's pretend she disapproved and go back now."
She placed her hand over his on her left shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze as she reasoned, "It's not the first time I have done something scandalous. I spent months in a man's clothes in your close company. I was with you for an entire month, all alone! This is not that different."
"You know this is different!" Hwan bit out. "Jay Yi. I cannot allow you to do this. It's an order."
Jay Yi could see it was getting harder and harder to convince him.
"Please, Your Majesty, take it back," Jay Yi whispered, pleading. "We do not know how many families came here in the last two years. In the next two years, many more children could die. We must find out what these people are feeding them and find a cure for those innocent children. They are your subjects, Your Majesty. Would you do them justice by trading those innocent lives to save me from perceived embarrassment?" Jay Yi was grasping at straws.
Even as he started to protest, the vague face of a lifeless little body swam up before his eyes. His duty was protecting innocent lives, and he knew walking away would mean condemning them to a terrible fate. His head pounded. He looked up, trying to find an answer in the slatted cracks of the roof.
Ga-ram fidgeted, clutching at the hem of her head skirt, too scared even to talk. "Master Mun, do you think Aashi will be all right?"
The air around them had turned frosty. Mun Jeon could feel the hard, cold ground under his boots.
"This is highly irregular. How can anyone be allowed to breach decorum in this fashion? This alone should make them liable for punishment!" Mun Jeon was livid.
The elaborate ruse was obviously to intimidate families into shelling more money and sink them further into illegal ritualistic nonsense so that they would be afraid of reporting. It aligned with why the families refused to speak anything about them or told only on condition of anonymity, and all of them skipped telling them this crucial detail.
"W-what do you think will happen?" Ga-ram was near to tears.
"I do not know Jung Ga-ram." He looked at her closely. "Tell me truthfully. Do you trust Scholar Park?"
Jung Ga-ram transformed in front of his eyes. She straightened her shoulders and bowed, "There is no one in the entire Joseon I would trust more, Master Mun."
"Then we have nothing to fear, am I correct?"
Aware of curious eyes on them from the servants scurrying around, Ga-am dropped her voice.
"It is different. If anyone knows Aashi was in such an improper situation, she will be ruined."
"And how will anyone know?" It was Tae Kang.
They both turned to look at him.
"You already know this place is surrounded by soldiers who are hiding. Once Master Park has signalled for an arrest, he will usher away Lady Min in secrecy so she is not discovered. Please do not worry. My master will prevent any harm from befalling Lady Min. You should know that Jung Ga-ram," Tae Kang chided.
Ga-ram bowed, a faint trace of relief washing over her features at the assurance.
It only made Mun Jeon more furious. "How can you say that? He is as trapped as she is! We will not have any chance to escape! It's time to call this off before it causes damage."
Tae Kang blocked his way. "Master Park is here on His Majesty's orders. You cannot interrupt."
Stunned, Mun Jeon made an 'Oh' with his mouth. "You mean His Majesty knows of this?"
Tae Kang nodded. A glance at Ga-ram confirmed she was not surprised either.
"You knew about it?" Mun Jeon asked Garam accusingly.
Ga-ram paled but bobbed her head.
Mun Jeon could only scowl. "It might have been nice to inform me of this earlier?"
"However," Tae Kang continued, ignoring Mun Jeon's outburst, "you and Jung Ga-ram might be caught in the process as we will not have time to get you to the back exit, but do not worry, His Majesty will also take care of it."
Mun Jeon muttered a curse under his breath but didn't say anything.
Exactly how deep did Scholar Park's connections go? Mun Jeon scratched his head. The day felt even more oppressive than before. This had turned way more serious than he had bargained for. How did he not expect something more sinister when young children were dying? While he was not on board with the plan, he had little choice but to go along with it.
The young Shaman could not have been more than twelve, maybe thirteen at most. Standing about a head shorter than Jay Yi, the girl looked fragile. Gauzes of white, red and blue fabric draped her frail, delicate body. A white shaman cap stitched at corners, with the edges rolled in, covered her head, sitting like a hood. The child moved with small, cautious steps as if measuring the ground while walking, the flowing garments billowing around her, giving her an otherworldly appearance.
Holding her by the arm, a short, portly man of indeterminate age ushered her in from a previously invisible door behind where Jay Yi had been sitting earlier. The man was dressed in white rough spun, the flaps of his robes swinging as he walked beside her. He had a round face, with a wand of soft, wobbly flesh beneath his chin that was bereft of any hair.
Two more young girls followed them, dressed in simpler white gowns, each holding a candle and a small deity-like figure.
Five young men, identically attired in white tunics and red robes and gold tassels hanging from the cap covering a part of their head, followed the young girls with musical instruments consisting of taepyeongso, buk, saenghwang and janggu.
Jay Yi had pulled the bell rope before Hwan could further persuade her to abandon this atrocity. The woman had materialised and closed the door that had opened outside into the courtyard, effectively cutting them off from Ga-ram, Tae Kang and Mun Jeon, and slid open the wall opposite it by the bell rope and the table. The accursed chamber they stood in was made of doors.
The woman motioned them to enter the hall behind the procession.
The entryway was wide, revealing a rectangular room sprawling like a field to the left of the entry door. A dazzling array of colourful strips covered the larger wall opposite the entrance. On the right, the shorter wall had large banners in various colours with illustrious figures, possibly ancestors, staring down at them with lifeless eyes. A massive wood chest lay solidly by the left wall. A much smaller, though still quite substantial in size, ornate table sat a little distance away from the wood chest, flanked on each side by dark cushions.
A stack of white steps ascended high up against the central wall of the room at the far end. Enormous bronze bowls, incense, dozens of fruits, bells, figurines, wool balls and numerous other unrecognisable objects adorned the many narrow platforms of the steps.
A gigantic, ancient-looking bianzhong graced the bottom of the steps, the clusters of different-sized zhongs suspended dramatically as if in perpetual wait for a musician's touch.
The maids moved the small platformette into the middle of the large room, with its floor hidden under a colossal jute mat.
Jay Yi's overworked senses detected an overpowering impression of evil.
Pure, unadulterated evil.
She shivered, feeling the hair stand on her skin down to her shins and the end of her wrists. Hwan glanced at her, sensing her alarm. He grasped her hand for a moment, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
"Do not worry; just remember our soldiers have surrounded this place in all directions, and our plan stays the same. Kanga will secure Ga-ram and Mun Jeon's escape," he whispered in her ear. Jay Yi felt another bout of shivers, this time of relief. She gave him a grateful smile, thankful to have him by her side. She could only hope they were right about the back exit door, which they surmised to be situated at the elbow of the short central wall and the long side wall adorned with multicoloured strips of fabric.
The elaborate room was meticulously designed to impress. Hwan did not know much about shamans, but he knew enough to understand what was going on here was abnormal. Much like how alum water and wood had conjured the illusion of 'blood' in the hunting ground, this was yet another way they were fooling people, with much more dangerous results. Unfortunately, people did not understand enough of these ancient practices to discern right from wrong.
The young Shaman took a seat behind the giant wooden desk while the man ushering her sat on her left. The tall woman beckoned Jay Yi to sit across from the young girl. She directed Hwan to stand by the wall under the watchful eyes of the ancestors.
The girl shyly looked at Jay Yi. She looked - off. She bowed in her general direction before looking down. Was she afraid of something? Jay Yi could not tell. The tall woman placed a bowl with a pink liquid in front of the young girl. To Jay Yi's astonishment, the girl touched the table without looking at it as if testing its distance, tracing her fingers along the surface until she reached the bowl and then dipped them in the rose-hued water, swirling it gently.
The girl was blind.
Hwan stared at the scene from across the room, realising the young Shaman's lack of vision at the same time. What in the world was going on here?
The girl leaned and whispered something to the man sitting beside her.
"My lady, please place your hands, palm up, on the table."
The investigator in Jay Yi was piqued. She placed her hands on the table palm up, observing the girl keenly.
Grasping the girl's wrist in a gentle hold, the man guided her hands closer to Jay Yi.
The child Shaman clasped Jay Yi's hands, her skin soft and wet, her grip surprisingly strong. She closed her eyes and then opened them to look vacantly at the table, her brows coming together in a frown. The room had fallen into dead silence. She looked up at Jay Yi, her eyes still having the same unfocussed look. It looked like she was looking past her, making Jay Yi want to look behind her.
After a long, drawn-out moment, the girl smiled.
In a soft but firm voice, the girl said, "If you follow our spirit's divine instructions, you shall be blessed with a baby boy soon, My lady."
Before Jay Yi could process it, everything happened at once. A crescendo of music burst forth from the young men playing the taepyeongso, buk, saenghwang and janggufrom across the room. Someone started tinkling with the zhongs, the bells loud and jarring, the resultant noise deafening the ears. The man, sitting by the young Shaman, moved to the middle of the room and, clutching a sharp elongated instrument in each hand, started making small hops synchronised with the music. A young woman physically ushered Jay Yi to where the platformette was.
Hwan was already standing on it, barely balancing his massive frame on the ridiculously tiny board. He helped Jay Yi up, holding her close, the contours of his face set in harsh lines.
The swell of music died down as abruptly as it had begun.
"When a man and woman want to welcome a child, they must let their mind and hearts connect," the tall woman intoned.
Her long, bony fingers pointed to a couple of folded talismans and a small bowl with thick, pink liquid on a tray held by a young girl by her side.
"First, you must touch the talisman on each other's heart next to the skin."
Jay Yi took the talisman in her hand, her eyes at level with Hwan's chin, her face myriad shades of red.
Aware of the several eyes in the room focused on them, Hwan kept Jay Yi close, helping her balance by keeping her in the loop of his arms, yet keeping enough distance to look as proper as possible by standing at an angle so she was more to his side. However, to reach each other, he would have to increase the distance between them and try to figure out a way to ensure her privacy.
"Can you request the men to step out? You are breaching my wife's modesty by having them in here." Hwan asked harshly.
"My Lord, for the charm to be effective, we must invoke our Spirits with the purifying music. Do not worry; you shall have no prying eyes other than each other, and I am sure there is nothing new about what you are about to do."
Hwan had enough. "Then we wo -"
Jay Yi dug her fingers into his arms and raised her pleading eyes to him. Hwan stared into her and gritted his teeth. Hwan had always been naturally reticent in public and had just walked into his worst possible nightmare.
This time, the music resumed with a much softer tone, as the bells of bianzhong and taepyeongso harmonised to produce a soothing melody that instilled a sense of serenity in unsettled spirits.
"My lady, once you place that talisman, you must close your eyes and try to conjure the face of the child you wish to have. Then, you must apply this sacred water and make a wish so loud the Spirits can hear and grant your wish. My Lord has to repeat the same after you have completed the task."
Before she lost her nerve, Jay Yi quickly went to work on Hwan's tunic. The soothing music infused the room, somehow making it even more intimate. As his Eunuch, she rarely saw Hwan with bare skin as he had taken care to keep any inappropriate exposure to her almost non-existent. Summoning all her expertise as his Eunuch, she quickly worked through the layers of clothing, exposing a part of his muscular chest that made her blush to the roots of her hair.
She quickly touched the talisman to the encased spot of his heart, the steady rhythm of its beats reassuring, safe, her sanctuary. He gripped her arms and pulled her a little closer. The girl stood by them, holding the tray with the bowl. Jay Yi deposited the talisman on the tray and quickly dipped her digits in the bowl.
"Now you must say your wish, my lady." The woman reminded Jay Yi.
Jay Yi ran her shy, soft, liquid-stained fingers across from his shoulders all the way over to his heart.
The music stopped.
She heard Hwan gasp and hold her wrist. She looked up. He had clasped her hand over his heart, the skin firm and silky under her palm, with a look so full of longing that it took her breath away. His eyes spoke.
Say it.
"I pray to all the Spirits who can hear; I wish to give birth to this man's son, his heir." Her voice rang out. Joseon's heir, the thought echoed in her head. Their eyes locked. Blood rushed to Jay Yi's temples. All of this might be a farce, yet nothing could be more true than this one moment, this one wish in her life.
Hwan's breathing quickened, his grasp on her wrist locked tight.
The ear-splitting music soared again, breaking the magic that had passed between them. The drums and the bells created a mayhem on the senses, with the Shaman hopping as if possessed.
Jay Yi lowered her eyes and disengaged her hand. She made quick work of retying Hwan's tunic and stepping back a little, overcome by the realisation of what she had just said and what was to come next.
With laden fingers, Jay Yi tried to untie the jacket's knot at her back. Slowly, she grasped the edges, every part of her body stained in various hues of pink and red. She had never felt so embarrassed in her life.
The soothing music was back, and somehow, it made breathing even more difficult. The bodice of her jeogori just loosened enough to reveal the delicate line of her collarbone. Before she could take the edges apart, strong fingers grasped her wrist and pulled her up against the hard body they belonged to. Hwan held her close, tilting her head in the hook of his arm, shaking his head at her to stop. Without looking, he grabbed the talisman. His hand found its way to where her heart lay, beating for him.
Jay Yi curled her fists behind his back.
Her skin felt hot against his cool fingers, his palm resting on the promise of the soft swell that disappeared beneath the cinch of her sang, his fingers pressing the charm gently. He searched the depth of her uncertain, shy, panicked eyes and drew her closer, enveloping her.
"I am sorry," he whispered in her ears. "Forgive me for this, Jay Yi. Please forgive me."
He ached for her. He ached for her courageous spirit, her selfless heart, for the person she was. He yearned for no one else in his life; there was nothing he desired more than a lifetime spent with this woman.
"I am sorry, so sorry. I had no right, no right at all, to utter those sinful words to you that night. Even if you didn't have a lifelong connection with Master Mun, I still had no entitlement to act as I did. I forgot every virtue I was raised with. I committed a sin I cannot forgive myself for. I will accept if you do not want to forgive me." A single tear seeped out, his voice hoarse in her ears. All the noise in the world could not drown the pain in his regret-steeped, gravelly voice that she heard.
Hwan extracted his hand gently, only to be back, his hand a prisoner between their bodies. Gently gliding over her skin, his fingers left a damp trail, apologetic, yet it felt they belonged.
She turned her lips closer to his ears. "I forgave you a long time ago, Your Majesty."
Time stilled.
The music stopped, waiting for him to say the words.
"I want this woman to bear all my children," Looking into her eyes, Hwan enunciated each word loud, a dream of what was spoken and a promise of what was left unsaid.