...how to ruin a holiday

I hated my cheeks.

The lioness, my mother, referred to them as 'baby fat'.

Remove the 'baby' from that, and you'll have an idea of what she meant.

Of course, that wasn't the only piece of evidence that she lied about my appearance. The 'baby fat' on my stomach was why it could barely fit into my battle armor.

Maybe by 'baby fat', she meant a 'baby' in my stomach made it 'fat'. Of course, the lioness would never admit it. Her motherly instincts would never allow her to corrupt the innocence of her child with the truth.

Finally, I managed to slide my pot into my blood-red armor. Afterward, I began the hard task of transversing the jungle that was my hair with my comb, my curls acting as obstacles in my path.

"You should cut down the forest!"

I sighed as I glanced down at Jungle buddy, my fierce red Indian friend (well, as fierce as one can be when they're only two feet tall). "I know, but the lioness doesn't want me to!"

"Bah! You know, you should stand up to her-"

"Shhh! She might try to break into our fortress if she hears me talking to you!"

"I doubt it. She's probably trying to bite your dad now-"

"ANGELO!"

"Aargh! Hide me!"

I quickly grabbed Jungle buddy and stuffed him under my rather large and bouncy fur mat.

Bang!

The entrance to my fortress broke down, so the lioness prowled inside.

"Angelo! What's taking so-" Her dark-brown eyes landed on me, then she groaned and marched over to me. "You're taking your time because you're looking at a mirror?"

Heat rushed over my cheeks. "The lioness is on the prowl!"

"What are you-" Her eyes followed mine until they landed upon Jungle buddy. Unfortunately, I hadn't hidden him under the fur mat properly, so it wasn't long before she pounced on him.

The cries of Jungle buddy rang through my head as he yelled, "You led her to my position!"

"I'm sorry, Jungle buddy!"

The lioness whirled on me, baring her fangs. "Seriously, you're talking to the dolls stuffed partially under your bed-"

"He is not a doll! He is Jungle buddy, my red Indian friend​-"

"Also, how dare you call your mother a lioness!"

Well, in my defense, while her short dark curls did not belong on a lioness, her golden-brown skin did match theirs. Granted I had the same skin tone as well, but the difference was in our personalities!

"You have nothing to say?"

"About what?"

"About-oh, never mind!" She grabbed my arm. "Let's go!"

"Wait!"

She groaned. "Angelo, what is it?"

"Can I have a new battle armor? I want to be able to go to war with armor that wouldn't try to burst my fat stomach!"

"It's baby fat! And also, battle armor? War? Angelo, your coat is good enough to use for one hour of church!"

She dug her claws into my arm and dragged me out of my fortress, down the spiraling stairway.

As soon as she got to the bottom, she let go of my arm and yelled, "John, hurry up!"

"Honey, I don't feel too good!"

"Really? You felt good enough when I woke you up this morning!"

"That was because you told me we were going to-"

Her eyes flashed to my face. "I hope you know Angelo is with me!"

"-uh, wrestle this morning!"

She snorted. " Why would I want to...wrestle on Christmas morning?"

I furrowed my brow. "Yeah, why would she? That's what boxing day is for!"

I winced because my mother's blazing eyes promised slaps of justice from her if I didn't shut my mouth.

I quickly nodded, putting my fingers to my lips and zipping it shut.

She nodded, then whirled round to continue ripping apart my poor dad. "John, it's bad enough that the fact you skip out on church on a regular Sunday is influencing our ten-year-old son to do the same, but now you want to skip out on Christmas service as well? Since Annie and Max have gone to stay with their family for Christmas, I need someone to follow me to church!"

After a slight pause, my dad replied, "Isn't Angelo going with you?"

I began to wonder if something was wrong with my mother's throat because she let out another groan. "Can't you just do what I ask without trying to weasel out?"

Suddenly, it occurred to me that she didn't have an infection. Maybe her constant throat noises were because she didn't like being wrong. After all, my dad once told me that she hadn't been the best math pupil in high school.

Anyways, I guess her obvious lack of math skills was grating on her, thanks to my dad. Honestly, I didn't want that. She could be a bit demanding, nagging, and forceful, but she was my mum and I didn't want her to feel bad. Therefore, I did what any caring son would have done in my position.

I tugged on her coat and said, "Mum, don't feel bad! You more than make up for your lack of math skills with your excessive shouting ability-"

"Angelo, go wait in the car! John, I'm coming up there, and I want to see you dressed and ready to go by the time I arrive!"

I quickly obeyed her commands and scurried off, but not before I muttered, "My point exactly!"

. . .

After an eternity, the world finally stopped spinning.

Slowly, I put my feet on solid ground, out of the death trap the car had become. Why had it become a death trap? Well, because my mother never went to driving school! Either that or she wanted to get onto the battlefield.

She marched out of the car as well, but not before she shot my father a look that sent him sailing out of the car.

Luckily, he threw on a coat and a pair of trousers before my mum arrived- she probably would have forced him to go in only his underwear otherwise.

He muttered to me, "Son, this is a lesson on why never to get married!"

My mother narrowed her eyes at him. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing! Just letting him know how delighted I am to be here!"

She huffed. "It's bad enough you're making our son want to skip out on church, don't fill his head with lies as well! Now, come on!"

Just like that, we began trudging towards the battlefield.

The battlegrounds looked non-threatening, with its plain white walls and the skyward-oriented large spiral at the top. Soft, sweet organ music drifted out of it, which people gravitated towards.

Unlike other people, the facade of normality the building held didn't deceive me. Its monstrous brown doors served as the entrance to the place where I was about to fight a massive battle...

I began preparing myself for the war against the enemy- sleep!

. . .

"And the three shepherds followed the star-"

Mmm, stars- bright, and so pointy. They could also be sharp on occasion, like when thrown by ninjas. Ninjas just like the ones Jungle buddy had to face off against when-

A rather sharp jab pierced my side, drawing me out of my thoughts. With much effort, I rose my eyelids until my eyes found the lioness' face, which was shooting me a murderous glare.

"Stop snoring!"

My face heated up and I quickly nodded, mainly to avoid another jab.

My head swiveled around because of a chuckle, which came from the mouth of a balding, pale man. Coincidentally, he was also the person who had caused me to lose the strength to hold open my eyelids, thanks to his rather dull voice.

The priest.

He smiled at my mother. "Don't worry about it." Glancing at me, he smiled at me as well. "Your boy there was just talking to angels."

I frowned. "No I wasn't, I was sleeping!"

The small chuckles that had sprung up around the church at the priest's comment faded.

The smile slightly left his face as he let out another chuckle. "What?"

"I said, I was sleeping!"

A gasp came from beside me, courtesy of an old, wide-eyed lady. The large flowery hat she wore nearly tumbled off her greying hair as she shrilled, "Young man, don't you realize that it's Jesus' birthday? Show some respect for your lord and savior!"

"Christmas isn't Jesus' birthday. It originated from a pagan holiday."

Shaking, she began to suck in large breaths of air through her large beak-like nose.

Frowning, I turned to my mum and asked, "Mum, can you give me your phone so I can call a doctor? I think the old lady is..."

My voice trailed off because off her burning eyes.

Between clenched teeth, she hissed, "No, I will not give you my phone!"

The old lady finally stopped looking like she was on the verge of having a heart attack when she barked out, "Good! Even if there was something wrong with me, I wouldn't want a blasphemer to call me a doctor!"

The glare on my mother's face fell off as her attention turned to the lady. In a frosty voice, she asked, "What did you just say?"

"Your son is a blasphemer, of course."

"I see." My mum glanced at my dad, who had been trying to move away from us as much as he could. "John, please take our son to the car, it seems the service is over. Also, I need to have a word with this... honored elder, who has lost her grip on reality a long time ago!"

My dad quickly nodded, then grabbed my hand and began pulling me out of the battlefield, onto the snow. As if on cue, everyone began to rise and leave the church as well (except the members looking for some piece of hot gossip. About a quarter of the congregation members stayed).

My dad and I quickly trudged through the snow until we arrived at our car. Unfortunately, the car keys were with my mum, and I couldn't go back to the church. Not unless I wanted to get in the middle of World War Three!

After a short while of silence, my dad sighed. "I better go in there and bring her out. Wait here for me."

I nodded. He set off, dragging his feet in the snow as he walked, like a man heading for his execution.

After he left, I spent a little while just marveling at little snowflakes as they fell from the sky. They were a bit painful to touch, but that's understandable since I wasn't wearing gloves. At one point, it got so cold that I had to stuff my hands into the pockets of my coat for warmth.

The snowflakes though, they amazed me. I began to wonder how they'd feel if they all fell on me at once, covering me with their cool, fluffy-

"Ow!"

"That's for hurting Jesus' feelings, you-you curly-haired monster!"

Turning around, I spotted my attacker: a wild little girl who glared at me with her smoky, dark eyes. She snarled, signifying that she wanted war.

"So you like throwing snowballs? I'll show you a snowball!"

I bent down and began to gather snow together, only for me to end up shrieking and letting it go. Darn me for forgetting to put on gloves!

She scoffed. "Is that what you wanted to show me? For that threat, I think you deserve another​-"

Suddenly, a man's voice called out, "Lele! We're leaving!"

"Oh, sugar crumbs!" She shot me a glare. "You're lucky I have to g-"

"Lele!"

"Coming, dad!" Shooting me one last glare, she turned and quickly hurried away.

"ANGELO ROMEO SMITH, IN THE CAR, RIGHT NOW!"

Just like that, the real battle was about to begin.

. . .

"Ow!"

"Stop your whining! Now, bring out your hand so I can slap it again! You're lucky today is Christmas, or I'll be delivering them to your head!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"Sorry?" She paused her attacks, glaring at me with fiery eyes. "You made me embarrass myself in front of the entire congregation-"

"You did that willingly and it was only about a quarter- ow!"

"The next one goes to your head if you talk back at me again-"

A cough racked through her body, interrupting her words. Taking the advantage, I quickly leaped out of the reach of her paws and ran towards the exit of the torture chamber.

Turning back, I shouted, "I said I was sorry-"

My voice trailed off when I realized that she hadn't stopped coughing. Slowly, I began to approach her. "Mum? Are you okay?"

A few more coughs racked through her before she nodded. "Y- yes, I'm f-fine."

Then she collapsed.

I didn't move a muscle, because I wasn't entirely sure that she wasn't faking. However, after a few minutes had gone by and she still hadn't gotten up, I decided to throw caution to the wind. Slowly, I walked over to her, bent down, then shook her gently. "Mum? Are you alright?"

She didn't respond.

My blood ran cold.

Shakingly, I laughed. "Fine, I give up! I'll take the slaps I deserve."

Still, she didn't move.

The world tilted on its frame as I stared at her still body. With more force, I began to shake her and yell, "Mum! Mum, get up!"

The sound of a door crashing resonated throughout the room. Distantly, my brain registered my dad's voice as he asked, "Angelo, what's going-"

A large gasp escaped his mouth as he spotted my mum. Instantly, he was at my side, cradling her. With a shaky hand, he put a finger on her pulse. A few agonizing moments later, a breath of relief escaped his lips.

"M-mum, i-is she okay?"

My dad took a deep breath, then turned and smiled at me. "She's fine, Angelo, there's no need to worry. But, just to be on the safe side, I'm going to call a doctor, okay? Could you quickly run downstairs and get me my phone?"

My body sagged as the fist that had clenched around my heart loosened.

"Angelo? Did you hear what I said?"

I quickly nodded, then dashed out of the roo-

"Angelo! Angelo, wake up!"