81 The knight in grey and black armor and the deranged and sick girl he rescued

A/N: ("Suck my ass, Assasaurus!") format is for dialogues recalled from the past or memories. Ignore the content inside, lol.

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("Life is often cruel and unfair, yes. Why? We don't know. And probably never will. The world is too intricate yet chaotic for us to understand the meaning of. Maybe it's the challenge that goddesses set for us, the mortals, to refine us into more accomplished and purer beings and see if we are worthy of being allowed to their heaven… or so my pastor says. I believe him. You should too, dearie. Stay a good girl and strive to be a better person. The goddesses are always watching over you.")

Those were her memories from her smiling grandmother who was a devout believer in those "goddesses" and their flamboyant and preachy churches.

Her tired and deranged mind recalled those words, but she had finally given up. Given up trying; Trying to struggle like this.

'All for what? So I could sate those so-called "goddesses'" rules and whatnot?

No… I can't do it anymore… I can't live like this! I can't suffer anymore! All for… nothing!'

All because she had to please some so-called "goddesses," who clearly didn't care for her suffering. For some so-called heaven, they ignored her suffering… she, who didn't do anything wrong to anyone but still she lost her everything.

Yes, life was indeed cruel. She had felt it firsthand now. Many, many times…

She remained silent, yet her thoughts were running wild.

Then finally, she scoffed and spoke.

"Heaven, eh? … I am clearly not good enough for it. What with who I am and what I can do."

Her voice was coarse and quiet. Her words were spoken barely above the sounds of muttering.

"Isn't it sickening that 'this' is how they made me? … And they expect me to be 'normal'? Be 'good'?? After all of 'this'—?! *cough* *cough*"

She coughed violently, feeling her throat burn from the dryness—just like her heart burned from all the sticky and dried-up pain she had stored and accumulated inside for a long time—but she still refused to drink the water from the filthy bowl she was given.

It was better to die of thirst than drink that filth.

'… I can't… I'm sorry… grandma.'

As if to try and console her for one last time, and perhaps try to change her mind about what she was about to do, another memory was rekindled in her mind. Something she had heard when she first learned about her… 'repulsive' and 'vile' powers.

…

14-year-old Aurora was sitting in the lap of her grandfather, crying and scared of what she had done.

In front of them, her father was burying the grotesque body of a small animal barely resembling a raccoon. It was once named 'Dola.' And it was dead… again.

It was dead for the past 3 months, in fact. That was, until today when it suddenly came back to life.

Today was the first and the last time Aurora Livingstone, the one who was cursed with 'that' horrible power, ever used her powers. It was an accident. She was depressed for various reasons and she really wanted to see her pet one more time.

And she did.

But it wasn't her pet.

It was a hideous abomination. A monster of her own creation.

She was traumatized and had screamed. And finally, it was her father who had gotten rid of it. But she remembered the look of horror and disgust in her family's eyes.

She felt as if it was directed toward her, even though it was directed toward the 'thing.' Her guilty conscient told her otherwise. She had developed a stigma against her powers since that day. And the events after that only helped to increase that.

And yet… For some reason, it had hurt her to see the disgusting thing that barely resembled her beloved pet die. It wasn't her pet. It was something else, clearly. But it still hurt when it was killed. She never knew why. It didn't even defend itself. But only looked at her as it was stabbed and killed. It cried, yes, but didn't do anything.

Aurora was greatly perplexed about it, but her fear got the better of her and she forgot about it and ran to her grandpa.

While caressing her hair, her grandpa spoke to her, his words seemingly cryptic and strange. He was talking in the context of many things in her life until now and maybe even ahead.

He had said, after calming her down a little.

"We don't decide who and what we start as, Aurora. That is not for us to decide, sadly… We are who we are birthed as, what we are birthed as. We don't make the choice of being born, our race, gender, background, or anything about us. Our starting point is chosen by the others. It may be unfair to us, but it is just how the world is. So, don't hate yourself for who you are."

She had nodded but felt melancholic still. So, her grandfather caressed her head and continued.

"But we do get to make choices after that, throughout our life. Choices, that often define who we become in our lifetime, who and what we are remembered as when we are gone… So, if you don't want to go on the 'dark side' as the priest said, don't make choices that you know will turn you into something you aren't supposed to be. Don't make choices that turn you into something you yourself hate. Choices, that'll turn you into a monster that even you yourself are afraid of.

Always remember that, Aurora."

She had looked at him, at his old but wise face.

"Others may say whatever, but I know you're a good girl deep down and on top. Your powers are not something that decides who you become… You are my precious granddaughter, and I'll always help and support you in your choices; whatever path you choose and however you decide to live your life from now on. But in the end, you'll have to make them on your own. We'll not always be there for you. One day you'll have to make a choice. And I truly hope you don't make the wrong choice. I believe in you, my dear granddaughter. I really do.")

She couldn't fully understand his words at the time, but his voice still soothed her. She calmed down after that.

…

She still clearly remembered those words her grandfather spoke in his deep, thick yet caring voice, teaching her about how to be a person and how to live. They were now nostalgic. Those memories now ached and burned her soul.

She remembered them as clear as the blank greyish-purple late evening sky that spanned above. At least what little she could barely see from the small window of the dark cell she was currently locked in for her supposed 'crimes'.

'They' had locked her here saying she possessed dangerous powers. She did.

But in reality, she had been presumed a criminal mainly because she was asking for justice.

'… It was true.'

She had now realized. In the end, she had to make a choice on her own. But, there was a looming problem with that.

'… You said you'll be there to support me… but they took you away from me. You, grandma, my father, and mother… They took EVERYTHING away from me. And now they've even locked me here, letting me rot and die… all because I tried to ask for justice. Because I didn't want to just move on and wanted to give you guys closure. You didn't deserve to die. You didn't deserve to die! You didn't…'

"Pfft… hehe…"

She chuckled, then laughed.

"Hahahahaha… Funny, isn't it?"

She spoke to no one. She had no one.

"First, they tear apart my family and then they act like they are the 'good' people and then they lock me up for my 'heinous crimes' and 'vile powers' that I've never used after that one time. They are the ones who are sick…. They're truly vile…"

She leaned her head back, touching the coarse wall of the cell she was locked in and was taking support from.

'I know I am a creep, they didn't have to remind me of that. Again. They do it every day.'

She always knew she was odd since the day she had first accidentally used her 'repulsive' and 'vile' powers.

After years, she had started to finally accept and move past it too. But this world clearly doesn't want her to… It wanted her to use the powers that it has shoved on her

'I didn't ask for this!'

'The same powers that it detests for some bizarre reason. They're scared of it. Of me. Of what someone like me can do.

Clearly, the town… maybe the whole country hates me. And of course, those vile goddesses are sadistic so they don't care. I am their sick creation, their source of sick amusement and entertainment.'

They had created her, then left her to rot.

"They threw me here when they were done enjoying my oh-so-miserable life; seeing and snickering at how I tried to struggle before and gain people's acceptance… all in vain."

She kept muttering. Her unhinged mind didn't know what she was saying. At this point, her final strand of reasoning had finally broken. She was now free from the shackles of morality that her 'normal' self and her family had put on her.

"Hehehe…"

She chucked again, but it had a dark tone to it.

'I hate them too. I hate these people. I hate this sickening town. I hate this world. I hate everything. Everything and everyone. I hate it all so much. I utterly and absolutely hate EVERYTHING! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Ihateit. Ihateit. Ihateit.IhateitHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE…'

The flurry of repeating and disturbing thoughts in her mind suddenly stopped as a moment of clarity hit her.

"…Yes~"

She spoke, with a blooming crooked smile, and her tone was almost melodic, if not for the coarseness in her voice.

She had reached the conclusion of it all. The endpoint of her suffering.

'Everything, everyone. I'll kill them all. And then, I'll make them MY toys. I will destroy this repulsive and sick world with my toys. They hate my powers and me. And I hate them too. Dearly. They've taken everything away from me. And now…'

Deep purple mana slowly lashed out of her body, her core pulsating and expanding inside, growing in strength. Unbeknownst to her, a magic circle had been lit before her. A magic circle that was there since the beginning and which she had no idea about. It started to absorb her leaking mana and grow in strength. But there was barely any light emanating from it. It was almost dark, in fact.

"I'll make them suffer… And I'll enjoy it… It'll be bliss~… Hehehe… hehe….hehehehehe…."

She had finally made her decision. Her choice. She was done pretending.

***

While she was lost in her own crooked fantasy of seeing the death of everyone, she was not at all aware of her actual surroundings. She didn't see the obvious magic circle that had been barely glowing, some strange noises arousing nearby her.

Nor did she hear the other noises outside her cell, the muffled cries, and groans of people, clanging of swords and shields. Noises that were clearly out of order in the otherwise quiet prison she had been sent to and resided in for the last 2 years.

She continued, still lost in her own world and ignoring the gate of her cell opening.

"I will take everything away from everyone… with the power they hate so much…"

"Or, you know… you don't do that. Maybe I can… negotiate and perhaps change your mind?"

Hearing those clear words being spoken to her finally brought her out of her degraded and further darkening mindscape.

She turned her head, chains locked on her neck clinging in the process, as she stared at the one standing nearby who had spoken to her.

Her eyes widened and her heart skipped multiple beats as she noticed the figure of a fully armored man, covered from head to toe in a rather threatening black and grey armor.

Her eyes, which were quite accustomed to the darkness of this place caught the blood dripping from that otherwise spotless armor, further adding to its terror factor.

She craned her head and saw the bloody blade he was carrying, fresh blood dripping from it as well that she didn't know the source of.

Was it his blood? She doubted it.

Was it someone else's? She didn't know, nor cared, in fact.

Finally realizing the present situation, her hazy mind jolted and tried dragging herself backward, in fear and guilt. But she was suddenly too tired and hazy to move.

And doing that would have been useless anyway. She'd have choked on the chains binding her neck. There was nowhere to run. She was a prisoner, at this grey knight's discretion.

In mere moments, she had already resigned and accepted her fate.

"Hehehe… I was being too preposterous in thinking—*cough*… I had the power to do what I wanted…"

'There are no choices that I can make. There never were. Everything happened because others willed it on me. I can't make them MY toys. Because I am already THEIR toy.'

"Hehehehe… Kill me already. Be done with my deranged, sick, and sorry self."

Her face was static, determined. She had given him her ultimatum.

"Mmmm. Nope. How about I offer you a choice instead?"

And yet, that wasn't what she was expecting to hear from the person. Her foggy head cleared just a little as she processed his words. Then, she chuckled.

"Pfft! Hehehe…"

Then, she laughed out loud.

"Hehehehahahahahaha! Oh, the irony! I see, I see… You're a sadist too, eh? How fun~! You too want to see me suffer and beg, eh? Go ahead, do your worst, knight. Hurt me. Rape me. Cut off my limbs and make me eat them. Burn my body. Do it slowly. Do whatever you want with me. Hurt me a lot! Do what those spineless fools have been threatening me to do almost every day, but never do for some disgusting reason! BUT DON'T FOOL ME BY SAYING I HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE! I don't! I never had! I never will!... *cough**cough**cough**cough*"

Her words may have come out as daring, but subconsciously she was actually pleading. She had given this person her genuine but crooked-looking smile, the best she could manage with her current willpower and sanity.

"Kill me, painfully."

She spoke, with her best smile.

'Before I lose my mind again, escape this hellhole and destroy this disgusting world for what it did to me and my family.'

Her smile remained. But her eyes were now teary.

[End of Aurora's POV]

***

A/N: I'm here once again to request people to tell me they're still reading my novel. It's just my personal curiosity and desire to see how many readers have dropped/left and the new readers. Wanted to do this since Vol 2 started. WN statistics aren't that helpful or clear for my 2 and a half brain cells.

Comment ".", "Me", "Reading", or "I'm reading this." in the paragraph comment here or in the chapter comments if you're reading this story. You get cake if you do(but the cake is a lie!). That's it! Sorry for the bother and thank you for your understanding and reading this novel. Keep supporting me like this. :D