1 Prologue
Tired…
I wanna go to sleep, but at the same time, I wanna keep reading.
What a conundrum.
Ah, shit…what was I doing again?
I don't know, I forgot.
Why do I keep forgetting…
It's somehow funny though.
—Fuck.
The glaring light from my phone is killing my eyes.
And no, I don't wear glasses.
I'm already half blind goddamnit.
Anyways—
…Let's keep reading.
I rolled over on my side for added comfort, and also to help myself breath more comfortably.
My nose…it's all clogged up and shit.
No, not my whole nose, just one nostril, it's…uh…uhm…how do I say it…
It's per…perpetually—I think that's how you say it—stuffed up.
Right.
I legit can't breathe out of it.
How am I even supposed to tell whether or not I'm sick?
I…I don't even know.
Like, damn.
Whenever I can breathe normally I actually feel grateful for it.
That's just pitiful.
Why can't I live a peaceful life…
Am I dying?
Ah…I'm rambling now.
Let's just read the next line.
It's gotten pretty boring, but I'm already invested—I can't quit now.
This is why I usually read fanfics. I've lost the patience to read ordinary novels at some point.
Is a quick shot of dopamine too much to ask for?
"Haaa…."
I've been sighing a lot lately too.
I never have time to do anything, I never have enough money, I never have enough people to bother me, I never…
I'm kinda suffering, alright?
Let's just leave it there.
"Focus, focus, stop thinking and focus…"
I guess this is a sign that I should just stop reading this hot garbage of a story.
If it can't even keep my attention, why bother, right?
It's blurry.
Is it the screen, or my eyes?
No, let's not be cretinous here, it's my shitty eyes.
Stop…stop blurring, please, I want to see.
Bastard, let me see.
I sloppily rubbed my eyes.
"Tsssss….! Damnit!"
I still had chicken grease on my fingers!
aaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH…..
I can only laugh off the pain.
Under no circumstances can I make any noise.
I don't want any more complaints from nextdoor, that bitch…
What time is it again?
I checked my phone after hastily wiping my eyes with my shirt.
[3:46 AM]
"This late…?"
I smacked my lips in annoyance.
I've stayed up well past my bedtime.
—My eyes still burn.
Oh…I'm tearing up.
It's blurring, I can't see.
Is it just me or is it getting dark all of a sudden…
Oh…I forgot. My phone's about to die.
Damn, if you're dying all of a sudden, how about you take me with you…
"…."
Wait, hold on a second, I'm getting dizzy.
The world doesn't usually spin this fast, does it?
Is this real or a delusion?
Ok, ok, ok, I was joking about dying, I still haven't clapped any beautiful women yet.
I'm tired of below average, this isn't fair…
Yes, I've gotten my little meat sausage wet, but it's just that the one's I target aren't willing to touch it…
Shit, I'm starting to get mad now.
Ah…please stop spinning, I'm gonna throw up.
It's really getting darker now, isn't it?
I can't move anymore, am I paralyzed?
Am I getting assassinated?
Has the FBI somehow gotten hold of my deleted history?
I can agree that some, no, quite a few of those nuclear codes lead to some fucked up shit, HOWEVER, target the author, not me!
This is a violation of human rights!
My anal cavity is not ready!
My poor, poor anus…
—Oh…I'm getting a bit too excited.
Please ignore what was said.
"Urg…"
I tried to speak, or make any sound for that matter, yet it only sounded like a gargled groan.
…I'm actually dying.
Hey, neighbor bitch, now would be a good time to meddle…..!
She always has her nose stuck up my ass, and I have an inkling it would feel good right about now.
Should I just start moaning?
Maybe Satan won't take me if he's disgusted.
…Sounds like…a…
…Good…
…Idea.
"...."
Everything…finally went dark.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
…Let's start masturbating.
Ah, I can actually think again.
How wonderful.
Now, where am I…?
I…I'm somehow floating in midair with no solid surface beneath me.
Ok, buddy, am I high right now?
No pun intended.
But literally, there's like an endless body of pink water(?) around a dozen or so meters down.
Talk about fantastical.
The sky above is of a mint green color with no clouds in sight, something I've never seen except in…what was that anime called again?
I forgot.
Anyways, from what I can see, I still have a body.
My own body.
"…."
BLEGH! What shitty luck.
But that's not the only shocking part about this whole experience, it's the existence of this game-like screen floating in front of my eyes that made copious amounts of blood rush to my genitals.
It's quite fancy as well, with gold ornaments, patterns and symbols adorning its edges.
Around the size of a 36 inch flatscreen TV give or take.
Fascinating, yes, marvelous indeed.
Now, I can only say that I'm either dreaming, or I'm dead.
But…let's be honest here, I'm as dead as my pet goldfish.
And this 'game screen' is calling out to me like it's my first love.
Mommy, is that you~?
I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time controlling myself right now.
Please give me a moment while I hump the air victoriously.
"Umph!—Umph!—Upmh!—Umph!"
Alright, let's get down to business.
I've recently died.
I woke up somehow in an absurd situation.
I'm currently in a setting that only appears in anime and manga.
A game screen is welcoming me with a monotonous font.
[]—[Welcome]—[]
Was literally all it displayed.
Can you really do no better?
"Haa…."
Let's just touch it.
And no, I'm not talking about my penis.
….Smiles Warmly.
Saying that in my head sounds a lot more awkward than I expected, but it's a good thing no one's around to hear that…
Right?
"Ah, it's touch-screen."
…My voice sounds disgusting.
Who made me like this?
Can someone please kill me?
Anyways, as I was saying before, my hand didn't go through the game screen panel and instead landed on a solid surface.
It was sort of cold, like glass.
Shit…!
My heart's pounding right now.
Oh~ not yet, not yet. Let's save it for later.
*Tack—Tack—Tack*
I tapped the screen a few times to see if it would do anything.
Sadly, nothing happened.
*Fwip*
"...That works."
Apparently, sliding it to the left was the key.
Now it displays…a question…
Wait, what?
[]—[You should help a senior citizen if they happen to fall]—[]
[True]
[False]
…Am I about to take a survey right now?
A weird turn of events.
Well if that's the case, then so be it.
"True."
Does answering aloud count—oh, it does, good.
The screen responded accordingly and shifted to the next question.
[]—[You should return someone's wallet if they happen to drop it]—[]
[True]
[False]
…What the hell.
A nonsensical question if I'd ever seen one.
With questionnaires and surveys like these, it's obvious to give the most ideal response.
It's simple, just don't tell the truth.
"True."
Once again, the screen faded, bringing up another one.
[]—[Your neighbor is asking for your assistance in changing her lightbulb, how do you proceed?]—[]
Hey, hey, hey~ isn't this getting a little too personal…?
I hate open ended questions.
But the answer to this is obvious—shutting the door in her face.
"I kindly agree to her request and assist her patiently."
Fuck that bitch.
[]—[...Final Question. Your 'best friend' is asking to borrow a hundred dollars to pay off this month's rent. How. Do. You. Proceed?]—[]
"...."
I see, you're clearly trying to start some shit now.
I don't have any friends.
No.
Hell no.
That guy is not my friend.
No matter how much—
Haaa….
And even then, that dirty bastard wouldn't even have paid it back, why the hell should I…
You know what, I don't give a damn anymore.
Let's be benevolent for once.
"Haha~ I first send him the money he's asking to borrow, then comfort him with a few kind and encouraging words."
As any good friend would.
See this?
This is the purity of a human heart right here.
Now I'm no saint, but calling me an apostle wouldn't be too far fetched.
Meanwhile, the game screen faded to black for a few seconds, before writing out each individual letter in a slow manner.
"Hey…what the fuck is this…?"
[]—[You Are A Scumbag]—[]
*BANG!*
Ah, I'm sorry, please don't take offense, my fist reacted on reflex.
It was an accident, I didn't mean to punch you.
I get so emotional sometimes.
Let's agree to let sleeping dogs lie, alright?
…Alright?
[]—[Notice: Based on the overall score of your untruthful responses, you have no choice but to receive a randomized evaluation. Be advised, the results of this assessment will henceforth shape the foundation of your future]—[]
[]—[Penalty: Because you have failed to provide honest responses to each and every question, you will now receive a stigma that forces you to expose your true thoughts at random intervals when speaking]—[]
Penalty? Hah, what penalty?
You do realize, right?
You're sending shivers down my spine and into my crotch right now.
No seriously, it feels like my testicals are bloating.
The amount of joy I feel at this moment can't be explained in words.
It's like this game screen had just given birth to me…right out of its glassy vagina.
"Ah, I'm shaking…"
After the game screen displayed those two statements, a button popped up that said—
[]—[SPIN]—[]
Fuckin' hell, seriously?
Yea, I know where this is going.
My gambling luck is usually pretty bad, and I don't have a good feeling about this one.
Haa…it seems the heavens have forsaken me, so I shall destroy them…!
Ok, now that I've got that out of my system, let's start.
[]—[*POP!*]—[]
Now why do you have to make such strange noises after I touch you?
It seems it isn't actually spinning a wheel of fortune either, but sifting through all of its options at an absurd speed.
Ah, I think I saw 'Mario' somewhere in there.
So it's mainly based on fictional stories and such concepts then, I suppose.
…It's starting to slow down.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, give me something good.
Oh, Goddess of Luck, if you help me now, I will someday give you a rim-job.
…No promises.
[]—[*Ting!—Ting!—Ting—Ting…Ting…*]—[]
It finally stopped, landing on an oddly familiar name.
"…"
I don't know who said I wasn't good at gambling, but it sure as hell wasn't me.
"...I love you, nee-sama."
This…I can work with this.
