Chapter 2: Growing Pains

I had a crazy dream once. It was about the game "Call of Duty" for some reason, but that's beside the point. The player I was spectating was somehow able to kill others by…fucking them.

I don't know why or how that was the case, but as soon as they snuck up on someone, the game automatically took off the enemies clothes and entered a sort of "fucking" animation.

Nothing serious though, just a few quick pumps. And the funny thing is, the player was unstoppable in the game too. It was like a speed-run of thrusts, and one time, the man even got a double kill in the same moment.

The guy was really into it as well. The animation made him lay on his back, lift his hairy legs into the air, which allowed the player I was spectating to grab hold of them and— …Well, we all know what happened next. 

By the end of the game, the player had over forty kills, and ranked at the top of the leaderboard. It was mind blowing, but I still ended up giggling heartily while saying something along the lines of; "Damn, that's gay…..!".

Naturally, I could say that because it wasn't me who had committed such acts.

—I was only watching in first-person.

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[]—[ Day 3 ]—[]

I finally managed to fall asleep.

All thanks to our lord and savior Sammael.

Anyways, before I managed to pass out yesterday, I found out something even more interesting.

And that's pretty difficult to top.

The thought just kept pounding my insides the entire time, but I finally managed to make it to the next day.

Y'know that 'Job-class' and 'Subclass' I'd mentioned before, right?

It actually has an immediate use.

 All thanks to our lord and sav—

Okay, okay, I'll say it.

I could choose a Job-class straight away, ranging from the usual RPG game choices.

'Fighter', 'Mage', 'Expert', and 'Rogue', which could then be branched off and upgraded into something better after reaching a certain level.

Pretty fucking exciting.

Ah~ My hands are starting to twitch…

But that wasn't all though.

There was another class option directly beside them with a question mark shaded in gray. 

Un—…uh, unfortunately, it was locked.

Now if you've ever played any kind of game before, you'd know that it obviously meant 'Random'.

Only casual players or masochists looking for a challenge choose that option.

It was a no-go.

A red flag.

Especially in a fucked-up situation like now.

And that's probably why I have an unbearable itch to do exactly that.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm just an optimistic human.

Even then, there's still a saving grace.

Fret not.

The randomized option was locked for a reason.

You naturally have to pay for the DLC.

It costs '150 DP' in order to have a chance at acquiring a Rare or Unique rank class.

Yes, the specific type of class I'd get was completely up to Nee-sama, but it's still something you'd have to kill me to pass up on.

Just hear me out, alright? 

It's deluxe content.

I'll strangle you with my bare hands.

No matter what, I'd have to start from level 1 regardless.

It's just that there'd be a massive head start in the strength/versatility department.

Now then, let's move on to what's most important at the moment.

It's been a while…

I'm finally able to move goddamnit...!

It feels like it's been ages, but only two days have passed.

Through natural selection or something, goblins have fast maturity rates in order to survive and leave behind offspring.

Now I'm the size of an elementary school kid.

Ain't that some shit.

This is paradise, mhm, paradise for sure...

I pulled myself off the ground, sitting up on my little green ass. I wore a loincloth, the common attire of us goblin slaves.

Surrounding me were, um…..yea, anyways, since I have a chance now, I should start hoarding some DP—codename for 'Desire Points'.

Now, the easiest way I can go about this is simply completing exercises. Yup, that's right, all I have to do is exercise.

My fucking worst nightmare.

I wasn't fat in my previous life. Just a tad bit lazy. Only a tad bit though. I-it, I…I wasn't really too much…

[Training Quest List!]

*Run For 1 Hour Without Stopping

—Reward: +50 DP, +10 Agility, +5 Endurance, +3 Strength

*Complete 100 Pushups

—Reward: +25 DP, +5 Strength

*Complete 100 Sit-Ups

—Reward: +25 DP, +5 Endurance, +3 Strength

*Complete 100 Curl-Ups

—Reward: +25, DP +5 Strength

*Complete 100 Squats

—Reward+25, DP +5 Agility

*Complete 100 Burpees

—Reward: +50 DP, +5 Strength, +3 Agility, +3 Endurance

*Complete 100 Mountain Climbers

—Reward: +25 DP, +5 Agility, +3 Endurance

*Complete All Basic Workouts

—Reward: +100 DP, +15 Free Stat Points

*Meditate For One Hour Without Stopping

—Reward: +25 DP, +10 Intelligence

*Nearly Deplete All Of Your Mana

—Reward: +25 DP, +10 Magic

[———————]

This….

The half transparent screen floated in front of my eyes.

This accursed text…..!

If this system screen was a human girl, I swear I wouldn't hold back on it.

Alright, alright, you got me, I'm exaggerating…

Just let me have this, just…just for a moment.

It's already bad enough that I have to sit here staring at some green-bastard-child jumping around and performing martial arts.

No, literally.

It had distinctive features from the rest.

A sharp gaze and an indistinct ugly face.

Obviously the protagonist.

Protagonist-kun.....!

If I remember correctly, he had some kind of elite background with special powers in his previous life.

So yea, he's used to this shit.

"U-uhm....."

A high-pitched voice came from right behind me.

Damn, there's a bogey on my Six!

I'd better kill it quickly.

"…..?"

I turned toward the voice with a questioning gaze.

It's not the time to assert dominance just yet.

…..The weak should fear the strong.

"Y-you're so cool...! A-and handsome!"

Be…before my eyes was a goblin-child-girl calling me handsome….

Heh. It was like a cute little elementary school kid…with green skin, fangs, and rather unconventional facial features.

—How disgusting.

Now that I think about it, these comrades of mine have been glancing at me for quite some time.

Damn, that was a nice rhyme scheme.

I'm not a rapper though.

Especially the female goblina's. I'm like a chunk of gold to them.

Calm down, we can't breed yet.

"…Thank you. You're also a…sight for sore eyes. If you don't mind, could you tell me your name?"

Kindly. Politely.

This is how relationships start.

The goblin girl's face flushed slightly with a red hue.

"M-my name is 'Mi', Gobumi."

"I see, Kanami, huh…"

"Wha—no, i-it's just 'gobumi'."

"That's what I said, right? Kanami."

"Ah…."

She fumbled around for a bit before slumping in resignation.

It was nowhere near cute, but…it was cute in its own way, yea…?

"Well, Kanami, my name is Ezra—'Ra' for short, apparently."

"O-oh, Ezra, i-it's a good name."

"You're complimenting me a lot. I'm embarrassed."

"Do you…not like it?"

She tilted her head.

"No, I like it. I'm just starting to get hard."

…What the fuck did I just say?

"'Hard'…?"

That…that wasn't what I meant to say. 

Why the hell did I say that?

"W-what's 'hard'…?"

Ah…I remember now.

That penalty.

I blurt out my true thoughts at random intervals while speaking.

I didn't really pay attention to it before, but…

"It's nothing. I was just saying it's hard trying to keep calm. You're…very cute, after all…"

—Her face became completely red.

This might really be a little troublesome.

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It's really no wonder my brethren keep glancing at me.

I'm simply treasure within a pile of trash.

That's no exaggeration.

The only one who barely paid me any attention was Mr. Protagonist-kun.

Who was too busy punching and kicking his invisible enemies.

I've never seen proper martial arts being performed with my own eyes, so this is a mind breaking experience.

I might make an 'Ahaego' face.

And the way he moves looks certified as well. All of his stat points were definitely pumped into combat.

Does he have a legendary class?

This bastard is certainly a master at this shit.

I'll refrain from talking to him for now.

We'll save that for later.

Anyways, after I had gotten acquainted with my little goblin fan girl, Kanami, she quickly left me alone so as not to bother me.

I don't know how I should feel being everyone's favorite idol.

Maybe I should dye my hair and go on a diet.

Now that I don't have any distractions, I'll move towards the back of the cave and do my workout.

Discreetly.

I don't want anyone staring at my 8 pack abs and large biceps.

Oh, and before I forget, I should check my personal information.

It's gone up since I've grown.

Status….

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[][—<<Personal >>—][]

True Name: [] [] [] [] [] [] []

Name: Ezra(Ra)

Rank: 1

Race: Goblin(New Species)

Gender: Male

Level: 1

Job-class: None

Subclass: None

[—[Stats]—]

Strength: 20(F+)

Endurance: 15(F+)

Agility: 30(F+)

Magic: 50(E-)

Intelligence: 55(E-)

Luck: 15(F+)

Free Stat Points: 0

[—[Personal Skills]—]

• [World Language] • 

[—[Inherent Skills]—]

Goblin: • [Unique] • [Dominance] • [Precocious] • [Rape] • [Cunning]

 • [Demon Tribe Factor] • [Night Vision] •

[][—<<——— >>—][]

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Yup, lots of good stuff here.

I'm pretty sure ordinary goblins are supposed to have an all-rounder build of solid F's or an F- for stats though.

I'm like a goblin on steroids.

That magic and intelligence stat especially.

You love to see it.

Alright, let's begin our first exercise.

Burpees.

I've decided to use my shitty stamina for those that would reward me the most DP and stat points initially.

Running for one hour is currently out of the question, so I'll do Mountain Climbers next.

"Ngh…."

I forgot how taxing this shit is.

I'm not even as strong as an ordinary human.

"Haaa...…!"

Squat down low, drop to the ground, do a push up, rise, jump—repeat.

"God—goddamnit…."

How did I do this in junior high….?

It makes no sense. None at all.

"….Argh...!"

I feel like I've been going at this for a while.

There shouldn't be that much left to do.

I hope there isn't much left to do.

[Exercise In Progress (19/100)]

Fuck my life.