2 Chapter 1: Amongst The Unsightly

[]—[ Day 1 ]—[]

Heavy…

My eyelids feel heavy. 

Is it raining outside or something?

I don't feel like getting up for some reason.

Wait…wait a minute, I'm starting to remember…

—My eyes gradually began to open, allowing a dim light to enter my field of vision.

Yea, that's right, I died not too long ago, and now…

"Oh…what a surprise, another special one…"

—However, my languid gaze was met with the sight of something extremely ugly. 

…Of fuck its hideous.

Wrinkly green skin, ears that ended at a slightly sharp point, and a long white goatee that stretched below my narrowed vision.

"Hmm…how about…"

Staring straight into my eyes, the creature, no, the old goblin hummed with interest, before reaching down toward me with a still-living-bug in its hideous hands.

Yo…What The Fuck.

Hold up, hold up, hold up, give me a moment.

Don't come near me with that thing.

Let's not do this right now, I'm really not in the mood to eat whatever the hell is in your hand.

Please stop.

"Ezra…that's your name—'Ra' for short. Mhmmm.…you must be quite blessed."

*PLOP*

He…shoved the bug right in my goddamn mouth.

Regardless of my will, h-he just did whatever he pleased with me.

I feel violated.

*CRUNCH—CRUNCH—CRUNCH*

And the fucked-up part about it is…it actually tastes pretty good.

Despite the stomach-turning sight of that thing, I didn't actually feel any physical aversion.

T-this…this blasphemous thing…how could I…

Ah…I've been indoctrinated.

I've truly become one of them now—a lovely, heart throbbing goblin.

Yup, that's me.

I can already feel my rape senses tingling.

"Yes, yes, eat up, you'll have to be strong to survive…"

The old goblin's lips slowly arched upward into an ugly, good-natured grin.

Then, he turned his head and looked beside me, presumably at another baby goblin of whom I currently couldn't see.

Well aren't you a pleasant bastard, huh.

I won't hold it against you this time but be prepared for prison treatment the next time you decide to shove your fingers into my mouth.

I…

…I will…turn…you…

…into pork roast…old…

…bastard.

….Fuck, I'm tired.

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[]—[ Day 2 ]—[]

Re:Monster

That's the world I've apparently been shoved into.

After spinning that boot-leg wheel of fortune in that dream-like state, I was rewarded(forced) with the opportunity(forced) to be reborn in this world, and honestly, the prospects didn't seem too bad.

…A lot of things are better than death, after all.

Now, I was fortunate enough to receive a randomized 'item box' at random, because everything's fucking random for some reason, so there's that.

Hehe.

I swear on that old goblins life if I don't get anything good, I'll start moaning to death.

I'm dead-ass serious too.

I have to fight and survive in this rape-den, and that in itself is enough to be rewarded.

I can hardly even remember anything about the plot either.

I haven't read the novel or manga in a year or so, but I'm pretty sure the main character of this world has a cancerous ability to absorb the skills and abilities of anything he eats.

Anything.

Including items.

The bastard can probably grow physically stronger too.

Why not, right?

No use crying over milk I didn't even spill in the first place, right?

…Right?

You know what, it doesn't matter.

I don't know much more than a few key events and some characters, so we'll have to improvise a bit.

Maybe I'll remember as we go on.

Don't count on it though.

Anyways…let's see, how do I open that piece of shit 'Item Box'—

—Oh…!

It's here, It's here…

In front of my little goblin eyes was a semi-transparent interface that materialized from-probably-hell.

[]—[Open Randomized Item Box]—[]

Simple and plain.

What's there to think about except rape.

…Please don't screw me over.

'O Goddess of Luck, Nee-sama, you know what to do.

Alright… 'open' the damn box.

As that thought crossed my mind, the words on the screen began shaking ever-so slightly, until it was lighting up with bright colors reminiscent of a rainbow.

I'm not even gonna get excited.

I already know how this usually plays out.

They like to trick you into getting all happy before handing you a bag of shit.

I won't believe it till you show me proof.

And yet—

You're lying…

You have to be lying, there's no way I…

The result of this gacha roll was beyond expectations.

[]—[Item: System Creation; a personalized system created by the user]—[]

…There's no way I'm this lucky.

Ha…haha—hahahaHAHAHAHAHA!

Oi, Oi, Oi, would you look at this~

All of my lousy gambling finally paid off, you sons of bitches, look at me now…!

Haaa, but the feeling of something suddenly popping up like—'Of course you aren't this lucky, now take this bag of shit'—was extremely ominous, yet also strangely within expectation.

Yea…let's not do that.

Looking at the screen, I wordlessly expressed my intentions, to which it responded by immediately proceeding to the next step.

[]—[Commencing Item Synchronization]—[]

[5%]

[15%]

[30%]

[75%]

[99%.....]

[]—[Commencing System Calibration]—[]

[...]

[...]

[]—[Commencing System Configuration]—[]

[...]

[...]

[]—[....System Construction]—[]

[]—[.....System Organization]—[]

[]—[.....System Design]—[]

….?

What's going on here?

It explicitly stated that I'd create and personalize the system, so why does it sound like my job is being stolen from me?

That's not very cool, sweetheart…

I wouldn't have been bothered if it didn't say that it was a personalized system created by me, but the fact that it did say that means I'm currently being slighted.

Damn, what's with everyone doing whatever they want to me nowadays.

I feel like a Japanese isekai protagonist.

A tried and true doormat.

I really can't get used to it.

[]—[System Personalization Complete]—[]

It was finally completed.

Haaa.....!

Thank you. I won't even complain anymore, alright?

I won't talk about the fact that you just walked all over me.

It's fine. We're good.

Then, the screen faded to darkness for a few seconds before reappearing with a few words.

[]—[Fantasies & Desires System]—[]

The name of my new system apparently.

…I didn't even get to name it myself.

Ridiculous.

Just blatantly disrespectful.

I stiffly raised my little baby hand into the air, observing my light green skin and sharp black nails that rested upon each of my fingers.

Folding four of them inward, I was left with only my middle finger extended.

A proper greeting.

In situations like these, you can't just do nothing.

If you do nothing every time, you'll eventually find such treatment acceptable.

That's not good.

But damn is this screen taking so long to load.

Why does it feel like I'm loading up a video game…

However, after a few more seconds, the system screen eventually changed to something I'm more familiar with.

***

[][—————][]

<<Personal>>

<<Quest>>

<<Shop>>

<<Customization>>

<<Companion>>

<<Travel>>

DP: 0

[][—————][]

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Well would you look at that….

An interesting thing I'd stumbled across.

According to the information that just entered my mind from butt-fuck-nowhere, it seems that this system truly was created by me, as its every function was based on my subconscious desires.

Its foundation was built on my personal wants and needs, hence the colorful naming scheme.

Although I didn't manually construct it from the ground up, this is, in all actuality, my system.

Very nice, yes, very nice indeed.

Damn, I'm getting kinda excited right now.

Too bad I can't jack off.

*Shuffle—Shuffle*

Various sounds of movement could be heard around me.

Sounds that I had been ignoring the whole time in favor of my random item draw was now successfully grabbing hold of my attention.

I probably would've been better off forgetting about them though…

Well, to begin with, judging by the surrounding rough and jagged terrain, I was pre—uh…presumably—I think that's how you say it—in the middle of a cave.

A natural cave with no signs of artificial tampering.

It was dark, but it didn't seem to hinder my vision at all. Short stalactites hung high from above, and thankfully, there was no excess moisture dripping down.

The somewhat slimy feeling covering my body gave no room for any comfort, nor did the hard soil on my back, but that's a minor issue.

Alright, let's explore a little more.

I struggled to turn my head and ended up leaning over slightly with my entire body, which still allowed me to catch a glimpse of…a bunch of ugly children-sized creatures with green skin and sharp ears. 

…Wowzers.

This has now reached legendary levels of gross.

I could see about 30 of them, with 20 being the size of a human baby, while the others were the same size as a human child.

The latter were most certainly adults though.

Haa…lord, please grant me a merciful death.

If I happen to look like that when I grow up, I might actually just slay myself for the sake of all living beings.

I'm not exaggerating.

You'd have to see it in person to understand, but I'm not sure I'd even wish that on my worst enemies.

…Now I see why goblins don't sweat the small stuff and just take it by force.

Hell, looking like that, I wouldn't either. Unwilling or not, some woman would have to bear my ugly child. These genes need to be passed down so that I don't suffer alone.

I finally understand.

The way of a goblin, just pitiful creatures…

They were starved for love, so they smothered any human woman they could find in their affection.

It all makes sense.

I…I now know my true purpose.

I must guide them. I must lead them onto a better path, and make them understand that there are more efficient ways of taking things by force.

Their ways were flawed from the start, but there is always room for growth.

Why settle for 5 women when you could have 100, right?

Mmmm… My fellow brethren…the time has come.

Indeed.

Salvation has arrived.

I'm here now.

For the sake of this righteous cause, I must make full use of my abilities.

This wonderful gift that I have been given, haaa…yes, I know.

The burden of saving my people, I shall carry it.

The kingdom of glory shall be erected by my own hands, and the flames of purification will encompass the lands in which we walk.

This is my divine mission, I…Pft…! Shit—I almost broke character for a moment.

Anyways, as I was saying. This is something I must do, and anyone who dares stand in the way shall face my holy rod of judgment. 

For that is all that awaits heretics.

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Damn…

I couldn't sleep.

I mean, how could I?

The arrival of my new system had me up as though I had just snorted a line of coke.

And so, with all this free time on my hands, I perused through its functions.

—Damn, I think that's the first time I used that word, 'perused'. Hello, your friendly neighborhood Karen speaking…....!

…Now, about the system.

The first slot, <<Personal >>, was the most basic function you could find. It gave information on my stats, skills, level, etc.

Self-explanatory. Just personal information like it said.

But a few surprising features were the addition of an avatar where I could actually see myself as though I were a character in a game, and an inventory space that actually wasn't infinite.

My 'character' or 'avatar' had equipment slots that would let me, you know, put on special gear and shit like that.

At the same time, my inventory only had the storage space of 8 tatami mats, so there's that.

But one last thing that I found important enough to mention was the 'Job-class' and 'Subclass' feature.

Yup, yup, mhm. 

My shit is premium.

Chad, Alpha, Sigma energy.

Someone should kill me for saying that…

Alright, I'm getting tired of explaining this to myself, so I'll summarize it in a few essays.

The shop function lets you…shop.

Crazy, right?

The <<quest >> function gives a lot of quests(optional by the way).

Hurraaaaay…

The <<customization >> function lets me customize, enhance, and evolve things.

The <<companion >> function lets me assist people who are important to me and vice versa. It also allows me to see a quantified level—yes, I'm indeed intelligent—of favorability from people.

That was a thick, voluptuous win in my book.

Just imagine being able to know who you can trust at a single glance. Even if that amounted to absolutely no one, it was still useful, right?

Hehe, haha… haaa….

Who needs friends when you have Mr. Hand right by your side, am I not correct?

Anyways, let's move on before depression kicks in.

Now about that traveling function.

You would never guess what it does, like, never ever.

Not in a million years.

Alright, alright, I'll tell you.

It…it lets me travel.

…Can I get a moment of silence please.

A bomb has been dropped.

A war has been initiated.

These pagans don't even know what hit 'em. 

I'll give you a few seconds to recover before we move on.

One…tw—

Okay, I've already lost my patience.

Moving on.

From what I can see, I must be a pretty lucky bastard.

Not just considering the questionable system I'd just received, but my own physical appearance as well.

Since I could see a perfect replica of myself in my status window, I'm naturally aware of what I look like now.

And let me tell you, I'm at least not in the mood to subjugate myself and sell my parts off to an adventurer's guild.

The quality isn't bad.

No, compared to my fellow brethren, I'm luxury goods.

It's…it's as though I were born for this.

Is this what they call fate…?

—It seems, I was born to be the King of Goblins.