1 Una: Bago ang Katapusan

It would be only a month away bago ang graduation ng batch 2012 ng isang maliit na high school sa isang lungsod sa Cavite.

It was not even surprising sa lahat na medyo petiks na ang faculty sa mga supposed on-going classes nila. For instance, this particular section was supposed to be on their Filipino class. Kaso biglang pinatawag ang mga teacher ng graduating batch for a meeting kaya all fourth year students got the vacant time for themselves. No one minded, after all, unsupervised classes were what every high school student preferred anyway.

A young man was reading his classmates' entries sa slambook when a certain question had caught his attention. The word 'talent' looked particularly interesting that he repeatedly drew imaginary circles around it. He was contemplating what his talent might be, at ang unang pumasok sa isip niya ay ang pagsulat.

Umabot naman ako sa RSPC kahit paano, he reasoned out in his mind, defending his answer to that voice vehemently objecting.

He tried to ignore it and wondered if being good with memorisation would count?

Figuring it indeed was a hard question to ponder on, he attempted to let it go and proceeded to the next question:

"What do you fear the most?"

Though he really didn't care how would he answer this one. His mind was still invested talaga sa kung ano nga ba ang kanyang talent. He figured he should just answer the last question first para na rin sa kanyang peace of mind.

As Matt further busied himself, a pitchy, authoritative voice of a young woman had demanded his attention. He looked up from his seat and saw a classmate of his named Ivy. She didn't actually have her eyes on him sa paglapit niya since she was loudly teasing her another friend who was sitting on the opposite side of the room. When she turned her head back to him, she casually smiled at him, asking to hand over to her the slambook on his table. Apparently the last remaining portion na puwede pang sagutan was allotted for her by the owner, the other girl she was talking with named Sam. He just hummed in agreement as he handed it to her.

He took a quick mental note on how her smile never left her lips even when she finally turned to return to her seat, being as congenial as she had always been known for. Despite that, her eyes were not engaged to their conversation at all. She didn't really need to as it was just an irrelevant moment in her life anyway. Matt was then reminded of the same question from the slambook. At least now he didn't need to bother himself sa pagsagot nun.

The room suddenly turned silent nang dumating ang adviser ng klase na si Sir Matias and called ten students to follow him for a meeting. Based sa mga tinawag niya, it just made sense to assume na it would be related sa top students ng graduating batch. Tinapik nito ang kanyang seatmate na kasalukuyang natutulog to let him know about the instruction, si Claude. Sa may pinto'y nakabang na rin yung walo pa na tinawag bago sila lumabas nang sabay-sabay.

These ten students, including himself, were all male students. While everyone knew each other, Claude was the one he was the closest with. Admittedly, everyone would just gravitate on him being the funniest and the friendliest guy in class. He wouldn't even make fun of anyone's insecurities just to crack a joke kaya kahit nakikipag-asaran siya, nothing would be taken against him and everyone just treated him as the nicest and coolest guy who would fun to be with. Claude was seated right next to him since that first time their seats were arranged sa first year nila in high school kaya he would be the first of those who didn't initially know him to be fond at him.

Just as he guessed, it was indeed related sa final ranking ng top ten sa buong batch nila. Claude was the third honourable mention while he managed to be the first honorable mention. Claude was visibly excited. Before, he really didn't even mind these rankings. This year nga lang, he made it a point to get himself better grades. Claude convinced the both of them na kailangan nilang makapasok sa top ten dahil may pinamimigay ang local government nila na pera sa top ten ng mga public school sa naturang siyudad. Claude had always been intelligent kaya they knew they could help each other push themselves while still having fun. Both agreed though it was still silly thinking na pera talaga ang motivation nila to make it.

As for Matt, there was more than that. Claude never knew about this kasi he made it a point not to disclose something he always felt shameful to admit. He was rather thrilled making it there again when the past two years, he wasn't even on the top ten and was the consistent top 11. The first time he fell out from top ten on his second year, it was demoralising. He tried studying over summer break to make a come back on his third year. He tried focusing solely on studying. However, that was also the first time he heard the voices.

Nung third year na and Matt still failed to achieve his goal, it didn't hurt as much but it felt hopeless. He still did try his hardest, but wasn't expecting anymore. Luckily, he genuinely enjoyed studying so it wasn't as draining. But he knew he was barely hanging. And they were getting louder.

When their adviser finally announced who would be the class valedictorian and salutatorian, it didn't feel a victorious moment, if Matt would be real honest. He was utterly sad. He knew, however, that this is that kind of moment when he had to shut his mouth closed. He knew he shouldn't rob the other innocent guy of the triumph he must be feeling right now. All these emotional turmoil and self-assessment inside Matt just happened like a quick snap which allowed him to be in control of his somewhat loose mouth.

He definitely wouldn't deny to himself thought that he wanted him to be the valedictorian.

Matt turned his head to his left to see the other boys' reaction. It just dawned on him, they were actually all boys in there. It was a surprise when the list of top ten back on their first grading ng fourth year students where all boys. Most girls who often appeared on top ten lists from their previous years unexpectedly fell out of the list. After third grading though, it became apparent to them that they were definitely the lock-in for the overall top ten sa graduation.

Looking at them, it was obvious that some of them had another candidate in mind para sa class valedictorian. They probably all had the same person we hoped could get that. Kaso, deserved din naman nung actual valedictorian yung position niya since it was clear na siya ang may pinakamataas na grade.

Matt hoped to see at that guy's reaction sana, but natatakpan siya ng isa sa kanyang mga kaklase.

Aside from that announcement, nothing hugely significant happened after. It was just as uneventful back home. Wala din namang kaibigan si Matt within the vicinity na puwedeng matabayan o kaya'y tatambay sa amin. Claude lived on the far side of the adjacent barangay kaya nakakatamad din galain. Kaya just as his usual routine, para naman may mapagkaabalahan e nagpaalam siya sa kanyang nanay na pupunta muna sa computer shop. He intended to download some manga and anime na puwedeng panoorin at basahin sa kanilang laptop. O kaya nama'y yung mga bagong album at mga kanta. He thought it would be cool sana kung may LAN sila kaso he was reminded na hindi naman nila maa-afford iyon. They had prepaid broadband kaso magastos naman at mahina pa ang signal kaya hindi na rin niya iyon tinatiyaga at paminsan-minsa'y pupunta na lamang sa mga computer shop.

After paying for two hours of computer rental, Matt left the shop quite satisfied. Na-download na rin niya kasi ang lahat ng episodes ng Death Note at Gosick, which had been on his watchlist since nung isang araw when he ran out of time because of some school work for English. Nang marating niya ang street kungsaan kami nakatira, he suddenly got conscious nang napansin niya ang biglang bumukas iyong gate ng bahay na katapat mismo ng sa kanila. Turned out it was a different person deep inside he was hoping to come out.

I don't think bumalik na siya, he mumbled as he took a deep breath as he composed himself.

When he took a good look sa nasabing bahay, their newly-renovated housed forced him to shift his eyes toward their house's direction. It made him ask and wonder again what would've been their situation had they got better resources. Their house was just a bungalow na may wooden fences at mga halaman for its facade. They had not redesigned it since they first moved in so mukha pa rin itong model house.

They were not a poor family na halos walang matirhan. In fact, his father just secured their home under his name. Sabi niya, it would take them thirty years para malagay sa pangalan niya itong bahay. They could still afford three meals a day for a family of seven but it would be because their parents would go to such length to make sure na kakasya sa budget ang pagkain nila. It was undeniable na their resources were definitely limited to basic needs of a seven-person family.

Their schooling usually didn't cause further issues sa funds since all five of them siblings were studying sa public school. 20 pesos ang baon niya ngayong siya'y nasa 4th Year ng high school, kung sinusuwerte siya. Minsan ay sampu, sakto para makapag-tricycle papasok kapag na-late siya ng gising for his 5:30 AM class. Kaya madalas ay maaga siyang nabangon at naglalakad papasok para may naiipon siya na pang-renta sa computer shop.

Napailing na lamang siya sa kaniyang luho at saka ikinabit ang aking cellphone sa laptop upang i-transfer ang mga na-download niyang mga anime. Kaso upon seeing how slow the transfer speed was, he went out in the meantime out of frustration. Tumungo ito sa harap ng kanilang bahay para kunin ang kanyang mga sinampay.

Habang kinukuha niya ang kanyang mga damit, muli siyang sumulyap sa bahay sa harapan kanilang harapan. Nakailang silip siya sa gate nito, subconsciously wondering kung maaaninag ba na ba niya itong muli ngayong araw. Alam niyang umalis ito dahil kanina'y nagkasabay pa sila sa paglabas. Hindi niya masabi kung nakabalik na ba ito pero nang maaninag niya ang motor nito, he knew it right away.

He could only faintly hear Light say how the world has gotten rotten now from this current episode playing sa laptop sitting in front of him but obviously, his mind had already flown somewhere else. In almost all the romance cliche he kept dreaming to happen back then, siya lagi ang partner nito. Somehow, those daydreams made him think na perhaps he could actually have his own love story.

Honestly, matagal na siya may crush dito, mula pa noong lumipat sila sa lungsod na ito noong 2008. Ni hindi pa nga ito lungsod noon.

Napansin niyang madalas itong lumabas at tumungo sa computer shop lalo't uso noon ang mga kumpulan dahil sa mga online game. Madalas ay tanghali siya umaalis sa kanila at gabi na nakakabalik. Before Matt barely even noticed kapag sabay silang lumalabas ng kani-kanilang mga bahay. Hanggang sa subconsciously e sinusundan na niya ito sa tingin kapag paalis na siya sa kanila o kung pabalik na. Being a mahiyain though, he never dared befriending him. For four years mula nang makilala niya ito, they never even got to have an actual conversation with each other. Ni hindi nga niya agad nalaman ang name nito kung hindi pa dahil sa pang-aasar ng mga tambay sa kanila.

Papunta siya noon sa bakery nang bigla niyang napansin na papabalik na ito sa kanila. He specifically took note na magkakasalubong sila sa pangatlong bahay mula sa kanya. Subalit bigla itong huminto sa bakery na katabi nang tawagin ng mga kabarkada niya. Bagama't napansin niya ito, nagpanggap lang siya na walang pakialam. Out of nowhere, nang marating niya na ang bakery ay bigla siyang tinawag ng isang lalaki. "Uy Matt. Si Keith o, pogi yan!"

Napatitig lamang siya sa kanila nang sandali at nagpatay malisya. Uminit ang ulo ni Matt sa inasta ng nasabing lalaki pero pinilit nitong pakalmahin ang sarili. Nang iabot sa kanya ng tindero yung tasty na pinabibili ng kanyang nanay, nagpatuloy lang siya sa paglalakad nang walang imik.

It was an unnecessary attention and it felt uncomfortable. Na-conscious si Matt kasi ramdam niya na nakatingin din ito sa kanya. He even swore he saw a little embarrassed smile as if nahiya din siya sa nangyari.

Matt was pissed.

It'd be a lie though if he deny making sure to take note of that name, Keith.

Hindi rin alam ni Matt kung paano nalaman ng halos lahat ng tao dito sa kanila ang kanyang pangalan. Siguro'y dahil sa mga kapatid niyang mga gala at palatambay din. Sa dalang niyang tumambay sa labas e ni hindi niya nakikilala ang mga tao na hindi kaibigan ng nanay niya dito sa kanila.

The following week, inayos lang ng klaseng kinabibilangan ni Matt ang kanilang mga clearance bilang kanilang huling requirement bago ang graduation. It was quite tedious ngayon compared to last year where their advisor would just vouch for the entire class since they are the "star section". Obviously, that didn't happened this year and they weren't entirely sure why. Kaya since last week e nakatambay ang halos lahat ng mga fourth year student waiting for these teachers to finally get the will and energy to entertain their students' request na pumirma na sa mga clearance nila.

Matt's classmates seemed to not mind na nakatambay lang sila doon. Their room was twice as alive as it usually would be. Sa row sa gilid ng kanyang upuan ay may kumpulan ng mga mahilig magbasa ng mga novel. Sa tanda niya'y Percy Jackson ang kasalukuyang binabasa ng nasabing grupo. Bakante naman ang upuan ng iba pang mga kalalakihang nasa harapan niya dahil mukhang mas trip ng mga ito na tumambay sa labas ng room– kahit pa literal na katabi lamang nila ang Faculty's Office. May dalawa pang grupo sa likod ni Matt na sigurado siyang may pinagkakaabalahan din but he didn't bother trying to turn around para lang ma-check nga ang kaniyang hula.

Sa halip ay sumulyap siya sa natutulog na si Claude sa tabi nito. Napabuntong-hininga na lamang si Matt. Kating-kati na itong umuwi kung hindi lamang siya masyadong paranoid sa posibleng mga maganap had he actually tried na ipasuyo na lang sa iba yung kanyang clearance. Then he started ranting in his head:

What if ma-misplace nila yung clearance ko? What if mawala nila after mapirmahan? Masungit pa naman yung ibang teacher. What if they intentionally "misplaced" my p–.

The horrors had replayed on his head over and over since yesterday and only this morning earlier had he finally given in and decided na he really should just get his ass moving. He had seen all these frustrations coming tho. They really were just waiting na mag-10:30 am na nga nang makauwi na sila. Isang linggo na ang lumipas and it was already Wednesday pero may apat pang teachers nila ang hindi pa napirma sa clearance. And guess what, Matt as he rolled his eyes, today ang submission.

Mangangalumbaba sana si Matt sa kanyang armchair nang may biglang sumulpot na mga libro sa kanyang desk. "Heto na yung mga reviewer na hiniram ko." Ngunit dahil wala na talaga siya sa huwisyo ay tuluyan na nga niyang binagsak ang kanyang mukha sa mga nasabing libro. Tiningala ni Matt ang dumating na kaklase, si Arthur, saka tumango lamang bilang tugon. Itataboy na rin sana niya ito nang hiningi nito ang kanyang clearance. Para daw isang pirmahan na lang sa apat na mga teacher nila. Sa wakas, komento nito sa isip sabay abot ng nasabing papel kay Arthur, na siya din na class president ng aming section. Muling napabuntong-hininga si Matt. Sa loob ng dalawang linggo'y ngayon lang ulit siya lalabas ng classroom na magaan ang pakiramdam.

After that two dreadful weeks for clearance, the school finally started preparing for the graduation ceremony itself. They were mostly chilling since formation lang naman ang inayos for that day kaya nang bigyan sila ng break ng organizers ay hindi pa sila masyadong drained. Nagkataon pang tirik ang araw kaya may ilang areas sa field ang bilad sa arawan. Ngunit dahil star section ang klase ni Matt, malapit lamang stage ang kanilang puwesto na nagkataon ding nasa lilim. Madali nila itong na-okupa for their break.

Nakaupo si Matt sa hagdanan ng stage kasama si Claude at ang ilan pa sa mga kaklase nila habang kumukuha ng mga picture nilang grupo. Ang kanyang cellphone ay gamit din ni Claude sa pagkuha ng mga picture dahil puno na raw ang memory card ng sarili nitong cellphone. Ipapa-upload na naman niya sa akin sa Facebook yang mga yan, naiiling nitong komento sa sarili matapos niya itong makitang sumama sa iba pa nilang kaklase upang bumili ng ice candy sa labas ng campus.

Nanatili lamang si Matt sa kanyang kinauupuan dahil ubos na rin naman na ang baon niya para sumama sa kanila. Tinamad na rin itong tumayo't mas nakaka-tempt ang lilim ng stage kesa sa init ng araw sa may tindahan na bibilhan nila ng pagkain.

"Matt, di ba nagtake ka din ng PUPCET? Alam mo na ba when will they release the result?"

As he heard the question, tumingalan si Matt and saw Arthur towering him as he made a room for himself beside Matt at umupo din sa tabi nito. "Today daw," sagot niya dito as he retreated his vision pabalik sa nakaunat niyang mga binti.

"You're not sure?" Usisa nito. Bumilis bigla ang tibok ng puso ni Matt, now also unsure if he got that information correct. He motioned his head toward Arthur again just to find him already had his inquiring eyes on him. He had to look somewhere else. Dahan-dahan niyang hinagilap ang kanyang cellphone sa bulsa ng kanyang pantalon. When he felt nothing aside from his pen, he felt his heart to have skipped a beat for a second.

Nasaan na ang cellphone ko?!

Matt gave up looking for it on his trousers and intended to look for his phone on his bag instead. Nang aabutin na sana niya ang kanyang bag, he felt Arthur's left arm across my shoulders. "Hey. Oo nga, ngayon nila ni-release ang result," he confirmed as he flashed his phone to my face. "Still as panicky, huh?"

Umalis ako sa pagkakaakbay ni Arthur to finally reach for my bag. "Epal ka pa rin, as usual?" Matt could only roll his eyes when he heard the other guy chuckled at him.

"Nakita mo na yung result nung sa'yo?" Arthur asked as he retreated his phone back to his trousers. Facing my direction, he rested his body sa hagdan with both his elbows user as his balance. Matt just leaned sa poste ng stage also facing the other guy next to him as he answered, "hindi pa. Mamaya na lang pag-uwi."

Soon followed them this awkward silence, or at least for Matt. Arthur appeared just as chill, smirking as he tapped his foot as if contemplating what he had to do next. Kaso this didn't stop Matt from thinking whether he should make them continue talking. Maybe he could also ask kung nakita na rin ba niya yung test result nung sa kanya. It was tempting to ask but it did feel wrong asking something like that so he shove the question back behind his head. Matt then heard a teacher, Ms. Sandoval, looking for the valedictorian and the salutatorian. He already saw James, their valedictorian, walking toward the same teacher but it seemed as if the other member of the pair didn't hear the call.

Kaya tinapik nito si Arthur. "Art, I think hinahanap ni Ms. Sandoval kayong valedictorian at salutatorian. Naroon na si James," sabay turo nito sa direksyong nung dalawa.

Arthur was immediately on alert kayo napatayo na ito't inayos ang sarili. "Thanks, Matt. Mamaya na lang ulit," muling ngiti nito bago kumaripas ng takbo sa kaparehong direksyon.

Now alone, Matt was left to wonder if he had some kind of superhuman hearing he didn't know of. He didn't have to know that information but he still managed to overhear na tungkol sa mga speech nila ang reason kaya sila tinawag. As they walked away, Matt was convinced maybe superpowers were real. Momentarily baffled upon his own ridiculous conclusion, he was reminded of that scene of Ryuk mocking Light when the latter asked why it had to be hin who had to pick up that death note.

Ryuk mocked Light for that nonsense.