what's the controls again?

do have any regrets in your life? like any mistake that in hindsight could been easily avoided if you thought of it more than 3 seconds? and after a couple of days, maybe even years, your mind suddenly bombard you with the solution of a problem that was long past. 

No? well i wasn't asking about you!!! that question was rhetorical anyway. there things that you need to shut up and show a little bit of kindness for, like shutting up when a child asked what happened to their kitten after you accidently run over the not very obvious cat in the middle of the road... okay maybe that's a bit extreme but still, you get what i'm saying right?

anyway i'm only getting worked up for no reason, i still don't know to where to even start... okay... okay. breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. okay i think i calmed down a bit now. where to start... hmmmm, O'i didn't aswer the first question didn't i? 

well i should probably say it first so it would make sense afterwards. okay~ i know, i think, the biggest regret was when i was pretty young. no i think it started at my birth, and followed until this very day. i had an epiphany when i discovered this mistake and regret after coming to terms with my current situation, i really cant help but laugh at myself. hahaha~man it was this obvious that anyone who spoke to me for even a second would realize this, they always knew. well whatever i'm probably going to die anyway so there was no point of actually talking about my regret.

this whole mess started because i kept begging my mom to buy the new MMORPG that released recently, although i wouldn't say my family is poor but i wouldn't deny that my family isn't very well off either, struggling with our financial problem is my father. you probably guest where is this going right? a child keep bothering their parents to buy something, but with the lack of money to spend something on leisurely things like video games, they scrabble to find something in substitute to appease their bother some child.

so they gave me something similar to the video game that i wanted in my birthday, well at least on the surface, first off all the packaging was rough and it have scratches all over, the disc itself had fingerprints on it although they were smudge but it was blatant that they tried to cover its inauthenticity. at this point i had my eyebrows raised exasperated with their audacious plan to fool me. with their faces filled with confidence it almost hurt me to tell them this, but it surprise me even more that they told me with their bold faces that they worked on this like they actually made it, although my father was an engineer he wasn't the kind that works on computers, and my mom... well at least you could guest why my grade is horrendously low... ha~

with their raised faces, i couldn't help but to be excited, my expectation when i first gazed upon the beaten up box was low, calling me disappointed would be an understatement but now, my parents are putting their pride on the line so i couldn't help but to admire their courage, although if this was a giant let down then it be more funny more than anything... booting up my old console it hummed in a low but feeble way as it struggle to start up with its dust lace surface and mechanical inside filled with rust it was a miracle that it even worked, sliding the disk in i held my breath, pouring my gaze on the screen that was connected to my console, at first nothing greeted me, the black screen that gazed back at me and only left me with an unexplainable feeling, disappointment and spite mixed with each other, maybe it was the best to make my parents leave so they wouldn't see my expression but i already expected this, and i only mock myself to actually believing something so unbelievable. leaving my mouth was a dejected sigh, not helping but put up a mocking smile to myself, although my reflection on the screen seems to be sneering at me. before i could call out to my parents the screen suddenly jolted up to life with it displaying a name of a game that was written on the cover of the box and the bottom of it words highlighted with gold that said "PLAY" 

needless to say i was shocked that the disk they gave me actually worked, i was seeping with rage not directed to my parents but the asshole who gave them the obvious rip off but i felt conflicted that their bragging wasn't faultless, right now they weren't lying nor being misleading, they were just saying the truth. this fact alone made me a little emotional. excitement and curiosity pumping in my veins, i quickly press the button on my controller to start. after i pressed start the screen suddenly went dark. for a second i thought it was my imagination the whole time and i was making my parents concern while i look on like a lunatic while blankly staring at the black screen in front of me but like a comforting assurance of a parent the screen was back to normal like nothing happened, a sigh left my mouth, i was so focus that i didn't even realize that i was holding my breath in, the screen now showed me another row of letters and above it said "PICK YOUR NAME" i laugh on the weird word choice while i thought of a name, pondering about this i finally picked one. 

moving the right stick to pick the letters that i wanted to type, the short period in between of each words that i pressed to confirm, and finally being able to complete the name that i desired. i hit confirm being satisfied with myself as i looked on with pride.

"Xx_darkwolf_of_shadow_xX" 

<USERNAME IS INVALID. CHOOSE THE RECOMMENDED NAME BY SYSTEM>

after the masterpiece of a username i made, now the "SYSTEM." is complaining about my perfect username~ha, like i'm actually talking to a person, but still i don't even know what's really wrong about this perfectly fine name, i refused it's recommendation and put the name that i originally picked. as expected the same warning pop.

<USERNAME IS INVALID. CHOOSE THE RECOMMENDED NAME BY SYSTEM>

now it showed me a list of uninteresting names that i couldn't be bother remembering, names of all kind to unoriginal to weirdly specific names were shown to me in a long list, scrolling down on the near infinite amount of names that filled my vision but none caught my interest, except for the last names that lay at the very bottom. 

those name were "azumi" and "akiri" those were the names of my mom and myself. it only weirded me out that those names were the only ones that was remotely similar to an actually name, hell they straight up put my name and mom's in the choices. all of the other names were weird and it was hard to even pronounce, but those name were the only one that is actually normal, my suspicion wasn't unfounded because the origins of this game was still a mystery to me. so what do i know it might even come from the dark web. so i scrutinized the possible origin of this game. when i was busy thinking about all this, my finger slip and hit confirmed without me choosing. the screen suddenly froze and blank out. a couple of suspenseful moments later the screen was filled red and a new warning showed itself.

< INVALID RESPONSE. PICKING NAME SUITABLE TO THE VESSEL>

i was confused, and i tried smashing some random buttons as the screen froze again. but nothing worked, while i was scratching my head trying to unfreeze my console, the display scrolled down each name and one by one invalidated their "suitability of the vessel" each name being crossed out with a red line that didn't complete the "suitability". at this point i don't know why but i had a bad feeling while the display screen is rapidly crossing names. looking around my eyes meet the cable that attached to the wall plug. i smiled and chided myself mentally for not realizing sooner. when my arm is about to yank the cord, a sound dinged in the silent room as the display screen glowed green and words flashed itself on top.

<VALITATED NAME. NAME OF VESSEL.>

NAME: <akiri >

SEX: <male >

SPECIOUS: <human >

TITLE: <the first> 

 <the book author>

 <primordial of man> 

ABILITIES:<none >

RESISTANCE:<none >

RESONANCE:<none >

while i blankly stared at the incoherent words that the screen displayed, my hand had already unplug the console but it still kept going even after the source was cut off, i could only stay and stared at it while i wait for the inevitable, but... nothing happened... i know this isn't necessary a bad thing but i was pretty let down. my shoulder slumped down i could only stared exasperated, and like mocking me the screen was unchanged... my feet slowly and painstakingly moved inch by inch away from the screen, at the time i thought it was the wisest choice but now... 

as i was about to turn to the door i heard an conspicuous sound behind me, my hand that was supposed to reach out suddenly stopped on its own. forcing all my might but it was impossible to even move a centimeter of my hand, i felt my teeth grinding on its own but i was to concentrated to move my hands to even notice any sound, except for one...

" fufufu~ what a pathetic display, i do say. "

a mocking woman was behind me, even after locking the door and windows, there was no other way of someone actually getting inside my room except for...

" i do say, im slightly disappointed even after considering the vessel was a human. you still let me down. you humans are really gifted in failing, even you're existence is unsightly, i do admit. "

those words coiled around me like snakes, her every word was malicious and filled with contempt, making me freeze and stand like a statue, every hair stood on its end as she continued her one sided monologue. 

" hmmm, so what are going to do? are you really going to keep standing there like a statue? or are you waiting for armageddon. maybe you were to over joyed to be grace with such a divine presence, i might say but maybe you were not that pitiful at first. "

i couldn't even respond to her tongue lashing, only being forced to listed to her torrent of words. if i could i would already did it, but her voice and demeaner was keeping me on edge so i decided to ignore her and focus my attention to moving the stopped hand. trying not to look conspicuous i tried getting control over my hand but it stayed still like a statue, but when i was about to cuss myself because of my paralyzed body she sighed...

" i'm quiet pleased i do say, but my great self has times where she couldn't waste valuable time to chat with some loathsome existence, although their isn't much you could do i might guest. "

her breath tickled my neck and her scent was something... although my memory was foggy but i can't forget her milky like scent mixed with some sweet medicine, it embraced me wholeheartedly with its warm feeling, i could probably kept on sniffing at that heavenly scent for days but the only thing that's preventing me from actually doing that is the origin of this smell was something inhuman. from that alone made it more evident that she wasn't a normal person. 

" i guest there isn't much time i suppose, even if you accepted or not you will still be drag into this i might admit. "

as she said those words, my body suddenly was able to move like nothing happened, moving my limbs to check their condition i sighed in relief as none of my body was affected negatively. my body tensing, a bucket of sweat poured down my back, gulping down the saliva in my throat. slowly twisting my neck behind me while i closed my eyes, needles prickled my skin and made me want to scratch them, needless to say it was quiet pathetic but it was the only thing i could manage myself trying to overcome the fear in my stomach, psyching myself, the eyelids that was tightly shut was forced by me, being greeted with my room, my jaw was hanging low as i took everything, even the console was off and it displayed a black screen without those colorful letters. it was surprisingly empty, looking around for the woman but she wasn't there. it look the same as after i plugged my console. a feeling of lost was apparent, although i couldn't pin point why. 

finally being able to go back to my parents, i didn't pause as i open the door, turning the knob the door opened on it's own. while i stare at it blankly, the door opened slowly. my eyes was greeted by the outside...

the messy living room that was supposed to be there was instead replaced by a field of grass, the green blades swayed with the wind, smell of insects and freshly cut grass permeated the whole room. the cool breeze made me regret not wearing any heavier clothes or at least a second set of clothes to fend off the coldness, but right now, the only thing that i wanted the most was one question.

"what the actually fuck is happening?!?"

refusing the things in front of me as my real living room, i tried to close the door again but my hand missed the knob (well at least what i first thought)

looking back again the door that was supposed to be there was gone, it vanished without a trace, like it never existed. i wanted to look back franticly but the feeling in between my toes was evident enough but i still wanted to confirm it with my own eyes. there were thousand's of butterflies that was about to burst out of my stomach as i gawked behind me. leaving my jaw slack opened while i listlessly observed the blade of grass dancing with the wind, i couldn't comprehend, no i didn't even want to understand what's happening. this was just a horrible dream, a very long and drawn out fever dream. and like laughing at my delusional hope, a blue translucent blob of slime wiggled in front of me.