Chapter 69

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She was sick, and judging by their tone I'm pretty sure it's something serious. I've noticed the small changes in my mom's behavior for the past couple of weeks but I just assumed she was tired. If it wasn't anything too serious, my father wouldn't have broken down the way he did and they also wouldn't have tried so hard to make sure I didn't find out. And now I wish I hadn't eavesdropped because I can't stop thinking about it.. worrying that it might be something serious. 

And if that's not enough, there's the whole issue with Stevens. I always believed that it was all for fun, everything I did to him. I mean, it was different for him but I thought it was just normal teasing...casual messing around. So why have I been feeling so weird every time he's close to me. Even in the past there was that little nervousness, but just a tiny bit of it. These days however, I feel like I'm going completely crazy. And the teacher picked today of all days to return our tests. Normally I always perform a bit fairly, but this time I failed tremendously. And I'm pretty sure she'll call my parents, something that will only make them even more stressed out. 

I hate this feeling, as if nothing is going how it's suppose to. I'm confused and frustrated and all I want is to be able to concentrate on the present but I can't even do that because my mind has been overloaded with countless thoughts concerning countless things. And the worst thing is that I normally would go to Stevens when I feel like this, but now I feel like I can't. That will only make matters worse seeing as he's one of the reasons why I'm like this. I just wanna play with him without feeling that anxiousness...but now I can't even touch him and not feel like something isn't as it ought to be. During the second class, I tried to force myself to concentrate, but I couldn't. Out if all my concerns, the issue with my mom troubled me the most. I hoped that I was just reading too much into things and she was actually okay. And my father had reacted like that simply because he loved her a lot and didn't want her to be in any sort of pain despite how small. I refused to believe that it was anything awful. 

But then why was she so down, she seemed lost in her own thoughts. At times I walked up to her and she stared at me as if I was a complete stranger. I knew how my mom normally looked at me and that was NOT it. I gave up on the class and laid my head on my desk, and when I turned to the right it was to find Kyle frowning at me from where he was on the other side of class, then he raised his brows as if asking me what was wrong. I faked a small smile and shook my head. That concern was currently not helping. A few minutes later I decided to just excuse myself, and I considered where I'd go because I was definitely not going back to class. I passed by the washroom and decided to just go in there. Everyone else was in class so it was more peaceful. I took out the phone which I was not supposed to have and sat down against the wall next to the sinks. I thought playing a game would get my mind off things, which it did for a couple of minutes. Then I failed the game and I felt angrier than normal..I wanted to smash the phone against the wall for no apparent reason. And I'm pretty sure I would have done so if the door hadn't been opened. It was two students, they were a couple of grades higher than I was. I knew one of them since he was the hall monitor and I always thought he was too cocky. We'd had a run in once, he liked telling people to do things...I hated being told what to do. So it was only natural that we had gotten into a bit of an argument, but Kyle had been there and he had taken it upon himself to apologize on my behalf. The two had been laughing when they walked in, then the saw me and stopped, their expressions turned serious. I pretended I couldn't see them and turned my face to the side.

" Hey kid, you good?" The one I didn't know asked. He actually sounded concerned, so I looked at him and nodded. 

" Shouldn't you be in class or something?"

It was the cocky one. 

" Shouldn't YOU be in class?" I shot back. But I guess he wasn't really in a mood that day coz he simply shook his head and chose to ignore me. They went about their business, and I put my phone away before they saw it and it became another concern. 

" Hey! Did you see the car that Hope was dropped in?" The stranger asked when they were washing their hands. And the hall monitor gasped and nodded. 

" I mean, I heard they were rich but I never actually believed it until today. "

" Tell me about it, but maybe it's not theirs? "

" Of course it is, her dad was driving. "

" Wait...I thought her dad was the guy that usually picked her up everyday. You know, the one who's always in those fancy suits. "

I didn't even want to be listening in, but they were right there, there was no way for me to not pay attention to what they were saying. 

" Oh yeah, he's also her dad. "

The hall monitor turned off the faucet and run a hand through his hair, looking at his reflection in the mirror with a confused look on his face. 

" Like her step dad?" He asked and his friend chuckled and shook his head. 

" No dude, she has two dads. She doesn't talk about it much though, "

They were done with whatever they were doing and instead of leaving they just stood there and started chatting. 

" What do you mean she---oh!" the hall monitor suddenly seemed to understand. Then he shuddered and blew out a breath. 

" I'll never understand how that works, " he later on commented. Then he laughed and shook his head. Just being in the same room with him suddenly started to anger me. But I knew it was mostly because I had already been upset before they walked in. And now all that anger was starting to rise and that normally didn't end well. 

" What's there to understand?" his friend asked him. 

" Nah man! that's just crazy. "

" Come on, you should try being a bit more open minded. My sister has this friend, he's also gay. At first I was a bit uncomfortable around him but he turned out to be a really nice guy. "

" God! Do you even hear yourself?"

They started sort of debating. And it was only natural for me to think about Kyle. And for the very first time, I thought about myself as well. It felt more like he was judging us, nit just him. And if I hadn't been confused before then I definitely was now. I knew that it was only a matter of time before I did something I'd regret so I decided to just leave. I was even willing to go back to class. I stood and began walking out. 

" .. that's not what I mean, but I just think it's weird and stupid," 

I stopped, then I turned to face him even though he wasn't looking at me.

" You're weird and stupid, " I said just loud enough for him to hear. I really shouldn't have, but I did. More than half the time, I acted out of impulse, and whenever I didn't it was always because Kyle was with me and he took on the role of being the voice of reason between us. 

" Excuse me?" The boy stepped forward, his eyes narrowed in pure threat. And his friend was looking at me as if wondering why I had even said that in the first place. 

" You heard me, "

I realized that I not only wished for him to start up a fight, I wanted him to. Maybe that would have helped me to release the pent up anger I was harbouring inside. I was slowly reaching my limit so it was better if I just got it over with and chose a target, and I had officially chosen him. 

" Say that one more time, "

" Why? Forgotten already?...you really are stupid. "

He tried to lunge for me but his friend held him back, then he looked at me and asked me why I was looking for trouble before gesturing to the door and asking me to just leave. He seemed like a sensible person and he clearly didn't appreciate unnecessary drama, but that's exactly what I wanted. The guy demanded that his friend let him go, but he just held onto him tighter. 

" You should let him go, he's pretending to be a tough got after all. let's see just how strong he really is. "

He was older, taller and larger than I was, so when it came to strength I had nothing against him. I was certain that he would be able to beat me up, but whenever I acted like that I had a tendency of saying things without thinking them through. 

" Just leave! " the sensible one commanded.

" Let me go Troy! I'll teach him not to mess around with me!"

" You heard him Troy, let him go. "

" Will you just go! Now!" Troy shouted, and then he realized I had no intentions of doing as asked so he decided to just drag his friend out instead. 

I stood in silence and watched since there was nothing else I could do. But the second the got to the door, Kyle walked in. He looked around. At the two students, at me..and I suppose he was able to figure out that something was off. But he simply ignored it and walked over to where I was.

" What's wrong? You were taking so long to get back to class.." he began but then stopped and slowly glanced back, realizing the two guys were still standing there. He looked at me again with weary eyes. 

" Austin?" 

It was a concerned whisper. Like he knew I had something wrong and he wanted me to explain it without him having to ask. His eyes told everything I needed to know. I stated at the two, watched as Troy tried to get his friend to walk through the door, but the guy planted his feet on the ground and refused to do so. 

" Oh I get it now, " he then stated, a lot of humor in his tone. His friend sighed defeatedly and let go of him, then he stepped back and placed a hand on his waist as if he knew what his friend meant and was secretly hoping that things didn't go there. 

" I've always had a feeling about you two, but at least now I know for sure I was right. "

Kyle wrapped his hand around my upper arm and shifted to face the two. Then he stayed quiet because he still didn't know what to say or do.

" Brendan let's just go, he's a kid, " Troy advised. And somehow this time I found myself wishing that he'd actually do as told. Only because Kyle was there and I suddenly felt uncomfortable. Especially with his hand holding my arm. That closeness was urging me to just hold onto him, trying to convince me that if I did then I'd feel a lot better. But I had tried that the previous day and my heart had pounded almost dangerously, and the thoughts that flooded my mind had been too new for me. Maybe that's why I had kissed him  when he had been sick. It had nothing to do with curiosity, I had genuinely wanted to do so. 

" I mean, it's not like I was talking about you. So why would it bother you unless you're what I think you are?" Brendan asked. Troy repeatedly asked him to drop it, saying there was no need to make it a big deal. That we could all just go our separate ways and pretend nothing had happened. 

" Austin what's going on?" Kyle asked me in a hushed voice, his eyes shifting between me and the two students. 

" Be reasonable, they're younger so anything you do will ultimately be regarded as bullying. "

" What reason do I have to bully their gay asses?!"

" Let's go then, "

Kyle turned to me with wide eyes, then he instantly let go of my arm and moved a step away. Then we watched as the two walked out, the silence that followed was extremely loud. Painful even. 

" What's up with you? And what did he mean by that?" 

" Forget about it. "

I also started walking out, but Kyle walked ahead of me and blocked my path. 

" Where are you going?"

" Away from here! So please just..." I rounded on him and opened up the door, then I walked out, I needed to be out of those hallways, somewhere open so I could breathe. The bell rang and students started piling out of the classes but I ignored them and walked on. My goal being the exit. I think that was actually the first time I walked away from him instead of going in search of him. 

" Hey! " he called out behind me, and my desire to stop and assure him I was fine was overwhelming, but so was my need to maintain some distance between us before I went completely insane. 

He stopped calling me out, but I could still feel him behind me. And the second I walked out of the exit I went down a couple of stairs and sat. Wishing he'd give me some space but not knowing how to ask him to do so. I knew him, I knew there was no way he was going to just leave me there while I was like that. A fact which he confirmed when he came over and sat next to me. I could feel his eyes prying into me, trying to figure out what the problem was but unable to do so. 

" You've been acting like this since yesterday, " was the first thing he said. 

" Did I do something wrong? I feel like you're mad at me for some reason. "

I immediately shook my head, not wanting him to ever think like that again. I had never been angry at him. Even the thought of it was crazy. 

" That guy, he said that...." I turned to him and he immediately looked away. Knowing I understood what he was referring to without him having to say it out loud. 

" Why would he say that? "

It seemed to really be eating him up, but he had chosen the absolute wrong time to bring the issue up.