Chapter 67

He pulled me along with him onto the bed, only lying down when I did the same, then he brought the covers over us and blew out a long breath of relief. It was the first time he was in my room. The simple realization felt intimate. Almost as intimate as his arms wrapped around my waist from behind. As his breath against my ear.

He pulled me closer to him and I willingly went, and I wanted to be able to look into his face, but that would mean switching on the lights. 

" I thought about this exact thing over and over last night, " he confessed. And I didn't tell him that I had done the same thing. Imagined how it would feel to be that close to him in a place I was so comfortable being in. It wasn't even like the nook at school, because even though that place was private, it wasn't as private as my bedroom where we were completely sure no one would walk in unannounced. 

" Did you think about my proposal?" 

The expectancy and anticipation in his voice made me smile, but I shook my head and told him no. 

" Why not?" 

" It's only been a few hours since you asked, I told you to give me some time. "

" Waiting is exhausting. Why should I wait when I know you'll just say yes in the end? "

" Better put that ego under control. "

" It's called confidence baby, " 

I cleared my throat, not knowing why him calling me that affected me so damn much. And after a short silence he sighed and slipped both hands underneath my shirt, but then he removed them just as fast and let go of me completely. 

" What if we do a trial run?" He asked me and I wanted to know what exactly he meant.

" What?"

" Let's date for one week, if you don't like it then we can go back to being..." he chuckled, lacking the proper word to use because we were definitely not friends. It would be hypocritical to say that we were. 

" How do you come up with these things?" 

" Just agree. You won't even have to do anything, "

" You said you were sleepy, where's the sleep gone to?"

He let the subject go. But he managed to make me consider it all the more. I truly wondered what it would feel like to be with him in that sense, whether it would ruin things or if everything would be the same. I thought the latter was most likely, he had said this himself and it was the complete truth, we were like an actual couple.

I felt his hand on my arms, gently rubbing up and down, then he stopped before slowing his pace, using his fingertips to trace over my skin in a languid and slow manner that made me acknowledge the fact that getting butterflies in your stomach could be an actual thing. He did it repeatedly, then he stopped and wrapped his arms around me again. 

" You should quit scratching your arms so hard, " he said afterwards. He tried to make it sound as casual as possible so that I wouldn't overreact, but I instinctively found myself holding my upper arm and squeezing my eyes shut, wondering how I could have forgotten about that. Perhaps sometimes I went too far, it wasn't something I did knowingly, but it left marks which would be a little hard to explain to others. But Austin always knew how to approach it without making me too uncomfortable. He never dwelt on it much, only making a comment or two, but through those slight comments I could always feel his concern for me and his wish for me to be more careful. And it was also the fact that he could so boldly remark on it that I lived most. He never pretended not to notice even though I wished he would. 

I turned to gave him, despite the slight darkness, the new position felt even closer. I hadn't yet opened up the windows so there was this illusion that it was still extremely dark outside. And it was quiet as well. I heard him swallow, then I felt the top.of his nose against mine in a move he had consciously made. Returning his arms to where they had initially been, he tucked his head into the crook of my neck. 

" How the hell is this still not enough?" 

The fact that he sounded truly disturbed was what amused me most. But he was right, it was close. And I felt comforted and a little satisfied, I also liked the feel of him and the slight lingering scent that was a part of him....but it just didn't feel like enough. But despite him having asked, we both knew the response. I knew for a fat that he was thinking the same thing I was. And it was up to him to voice it because there was no way I was going to do so. Which he did, he didn't use words though. He rather held onto the hem of my shirt and tugged. 

" Take it off?" 

It was sweet how he asked. Like his intentions were to make me feel safe about thr idea of doing so. There was a sort of innocence to his words that was a complete turn on. 

What Austin and I needed was physical touch, and to us, that meant having access to as much skin as possible. It was something I feared I wanted even more than he did, if only he knew. So I decide to be smart about it and kill two birds with one stone. 

" Why do I have to be the one to take mine off?

I wanted more, and that was one way to guarantee that I got it. I knew how his mind functioned, he'd want to show how not a big deal that was and would eventually end up doing what I suspected. 

" Fine! I'll do all the work here, " he mumbled just loud enough for me to hear, then I heard him as he sat up..and a few movements later, he laid back down and instantly felt the difference. My stupid hormones rose to life and started filling my head with the most inappropriate thoughts. The most innocent one of them all was reaching out and touching him. Something I didn't stop.myself from doing because it was actually impossible. There was absolutely no way I was going to pretend I wasn't curious and just let such a chance fly by as I watched. That room was the safest place, and Austin understood me. He understood us. I reminded myself that whatever happened in there wouldn't leave those walls. It would remain with us, a memory wed pretend not to recall even though it flashed in our minds repeatedly. Blinking like a siren and almost as loud as one. Demanding our attention. 

It was just us, there was no need to worry or to hold back.That small reassurance to myself was all I needed to completely let go of the mental restraints and inhibitions. Austin would not be doing all the work when we shared the same feelings. When I wanted him with the same depth he wanted me if not more. I had been unfair for long enough. 

I shifted without warning and covered his body with my own.

" Whoa!" He exclaimed , then he went completely silent and immobile. I was just doing what felt like. What I wanted to do. 

I placed my palm flat on his stomach. I found his bellybutton and traced my finger around it playfully, there was a little shudder from but nothing too major. And when I moved my hand up his skin, he tensed, but he also held onto my shoulders to keep me in place, like he feared I was going to eventually rethink everything and put it to a stop. I heard the soft sound he made when I smoothed my hand over his chest, and it fueled me to go on. That barely audible sound made me yearn to hear him breathlessly call out my name. What would it feel like I wondered. 

I was getting closer to the edge with each move I made, each tiny action had me craving more. I was craving so much more. That was Austin. I loved him. I felt all sorts of complex emotions when it came to him, but one thing that even I couldn't deny was the fact that I genuinely wanted him. I had never really allowed myself to think like that. I always stopped those thoughts and images from forming in my head, but it was a little hard to do that when he was literally lying beneath me with his arms around my neck. And as if I hadn't been powerless enough, he pulled me slightly down and kissed me. His thumb stroked my cheek, and I was as willing to let him in as I'd ever been. I liked how he took control and left me wanting more. The kiss itself wasn't like the others we had shared, this one seemed to have a secret to tell me. As if he was using it to let me know that there was so much we were yet to do, so much we could do if only I let him. I liked the taste of him, the light intensity of the action and how it pulled me into an entirely new plane of existence where I questioned my own choices. And I wanted to feel out as much of him, which explained why my hands roamed everywhere. 

Everywhere...

His breathing turned fast and hard, his hand gripping my hair while the other played around with the hem of my own shirt. Wanting to take it off but being afraid of putting everything to an end if he did so. Which was a very crazy presumption because there was no way I'd do such a thing in that state. I kissed my way down his neck, along his collarbone..and when I grazed my teeth across his nipple he almost ripped my hair out. His hand had already pushed my shirt up, but he hadn't tried to take it completely off. 

" Still not enough, is it?" I asked him in a faint whisper because I knew he'd understand. 

" Fix it. " 

The two words were uttered in the voice of someone one pain. And because I figured I had tortured him enough, I sat back on my heels and took my shirt off, and it wasn't until I could feel his skin against mine that I felt like I was actually closer to him. That was the first time it felt as if I was actually satisfied with the physical interaction. I couldn't understand why I was the one in control. I wanted it to be him, but how was I going to tell him that I wanted him to do whatever he felt like and I wasn't going to object. Well.. perhaps not anything, you couldn't give him too much control because he was bound to take things a bit too far. I stopped, my ear pressed against his chest because his heartbeat was that wild for me and I liked it. But I could tell he was wondering why I had stopped and desperately wanted me to go on. 

" You asked me to leave it all to you, " I huskily reminded him. And judging from how fast his reaction was, I guessed he had been waiting for that very opportunity all his life. Within seconds I was on my back, my hands pinned above me with one of his hands while the other toured my body. And despite knowing it would have made me uncomfortable, I really wanted to know why it would feel like to go that extra step. 

It was all too ironic, he'd just joked about not going over there for such a reason yet there we were. Although it was only natural, we were two people who strongly felt for each and we had smartly decided to go over to my room and test the limits of our endurance. 

Turns out we didn't have any endurance at all. It hadn't even been ten minutes since we got in there yet we were already making out like it was all that we wanted to do. To be honest, thinking that people were watching had always been my biggest issue, so what the hell was I supposed to do when I finally got him in a place where I was sure no one could see? 

" You can stop me, you know that right Stevens?" 

I hated how truly disturbed he sounded when asking me that, and a little disappointed because he truly feared I was going to stop him and run off. But where would I even  run? off to? And how could I want to stop something so meaningful, something that gave me life and a reason to go in. 

" I don't wanna stop you... just don't.." I meant to warn him not to take things too far. There was a limit despite how shady and hard to find it was. The bottom line was that it existed, I wasn't forbidding him from doing those things because I didn't want to. I deep, deep down I really really did, but I just needed more time to get used to everything first. And in the meantime..

" I know, I won't, " he promised me. I like that he caught on without me needing to say too much. He understood exactly what I meant. When he leaned back down he was softer and paid more attention. And I felt weird because even though I had just stopped him, I was silently urging him on. I wasn't making it clear enough where I wanted him to stop or how far I wanted him to go because it seemed as if I had no issue with everything he did. 

" I get your limitations Kyle, but don't hold back because of them," he advised me. And I could even respond straight because he sucked my ear into his mouth. 

I was never going to understand how such a small action managed to make me go so crazy....so unbelievably needy. And when I touched the skin of his back that feeling only  intensified. He had made me feel that way countless times, but on that specific occasion there was more to it. Maybe  because I was more daring, maybe because I had decided to ignore those invincible cjains that existed more in my mind than anywhere else. And I just wanted to be able to look into those grey eyes of his, but I decided to settle for things as they were. I knew that the slightest change could possibly steal that feeling of comfort I was currently experiencing. So I just pulled him closer and used my body to urge him on since words were lost to me.