Chapter 51

KYLE'S POV

Austin was to me, that one person I desperately needed for the normal functioning of my mentality. It had been five years, and I vividly recall that throughout that entire time I had continuously always tried to assure myself he was nothing but a memory. And in doing so I ended up remembering him. 

I had often times secretly wondered what it would feel like to have him touch me in certain ways. And the reality was stronger than I ever could have imagined. I was losing it, and he was barely doing anything. But that little was almost too much and he clearly new it. I wanted more however. It was the most pure form of addiction. I knew I ought to stop him yet the desire for more prevented me from doing so. 

I kissed his neck. 

The actions were all bred by my natural instincts and I could not stop them. He sucked in a breath, then he smoothed his hand over my erection and a soft needy sound escaped.my lips. He knew I wanted more, and because it was Austin, he was more than prepared to give it to me. I was seated across his lap, which meant I could easily feel his own hardness, and unlike me, he didn't seem to have an issue with such things. His words so far had proven just as much. What we had was strangely odd. He liked me, I had always known that. It was a fact that was accompanied by a truckload of evidence. Yet hearing him actually admit it had caught me so off guard. And now my heart was persistently pounding with the insistence that he repeat those same words again. 

" There's so much I wanna do with you Kyle, " he whispered. Then he proceeded to kiss the top of my head before he wrapped both hands around my neck and pressed his forehead to mine. And when I felt as if he was too hesitant to do what he planned to, I leaned forward with th intention of kissing him. The courage came both from the dark and from th fact that I could feel how much he wanted me. And it was quite pleasurable to feel wanted by someone. I had never experienced that with anyone else the way I did with him. Austin made it clear in everything that he said and did. He wanted me to know that I mattered to him and he wasn't afraid of making it known. But the second I was close enough to kiss him he leaned back and I felt him shake his head. 

" It's still too dark Kyle. Not until I'm able to see you. "

He then patted my shoulder before reminding me that I still had school. And that was officially the end of whatever that had been. He was an expert at making me crave more. I always believed he ended everything so abruptly because he knew it would be stuck with me throughout the day. A lingering thought and memory that refused to fade. I took a while before I got off of him, because I was calculating the harm in switching on the light and letting him finally let go of his restrictions. I don't know why it was so difficult for me to be comfortable doing such things with him in the light. Turning around and being able to clearly see him was hard to comprehend. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I also delayed because that position felt too cozy and satisfying. I could stay there for hours on end. 

" I treasure you, you know that right?" He suddenly asked. His fingers gripping my hair, angling me to look up at him as if I could visibly see him. I nodded, realizing just how swift he was. Austin was just like a sly fox, he appeared out of nowhere after so much time yet he still managed to sneak his way back into my life like nothing had ever happened. And now, just like long ago, I was hooked on him and wouldn't be able to let him go. 

" I know, " I assured him, staying right where I was because I felt too lazy all of a sudden and lacked the will to do so. 

" I know this feels comforting Kyle, but you'll need to learn how to cope with the light. "

" What if I don't want to?" 

" Then we'll stagnate. This is exactly where we were five years ago. "

" We were eleven Austin! Don't make it sound like we had anything romantic going on. "

" Romantic or not, we definitely had something going on. "

I shook my head and completely let go of him, then I attempted to get off him but he kept me in place with the hand in my hair, it hurt when I moved. 

" I'll be late for school. "

" Pick my call later on, okay?" 

I told him that I would, then I waited for him to let go of me but he didn't. 

" Hug me. "

His tone was so different from when I said those words. I normally used them when I felt like I was at my lowest and he was the only one capable of making me feel alive again. But when he said them I sensed this hint of command which was impossible to ignore. And I did as instructed both because he wanted me to add because I needed the high itself. He made me feel warm. And despite being only a week older, he always overshowered me with the feeling of safety and protection. Which was something I had always craved even as a child. 

" I wish all my days started like this, " he commented when I drew back. I wished the same thing but wasn't going to admit it because he was crazy and could potentially end up knocking on my door every morning. 

" Want help with your shower? "

" Please stop. "

I finally got off him, standing up and looking down at him still seated on the couch. All I wanted to do was crawl back onto him and hold on even tighter, but I knew those were just my emotions talking and I ought to get away from him before I actually listened to them. 

" Hurry up and I'll walk you to school. "

" Your bike?" 

" I walked here. "

I assumed he had wanted to her kore time with me. And because I wanted the same thing, I headed for my bedroom to get ready. After I was done, he walked me to school and we talked as if nothing at all had happened. Like we had no memory of whatever had just transpired between us. Because that was who we were and I was okay with that. I had to call Max to tell him they'd meet me at school because I had something urgent to do there so I had gone earlier. I didn't like lying but it wasn't like I could tell them the truth either. Although I secretly wished that all my days could start like that as well. It had only been a few minutes yet I felt happy and at ease. He got me as far as the gate before he said he'd get going. He still refused to tell me where he was going and why, and ever since I saw him standing outside my door I had sensed that something was a bit off with him. But knowing Austin, he wouldn't share unless he felt like it. 

" Concentrate, okay? "

" Oh look who's talking. "

" What? One of us has to be smart, and it sure as hell isn't me. "

" You are smart, more than you'll ever know. "

Actually, ever since we were kids I had always believed that he intentionally chose not to pass. We had studied together a number of times, and whenever he really put his mind to it, he had always done extremely well. He just got bored too easily and lacked the motivation to pick up a book. It had nothing to do with him not believing in himself or not being able to understand things. I had assumed that would change over the course of the years but it had rather become much worse. His lack of interest in studies was on an entirely new plane. 

" Okay, I'll get going now, " he inclined his head to the path we'd just come from, smiling that cocky smile which was a drug in itself. 

I told him bye, shook my head when he stepped forward with the intentions of doing something crazy, and then I watched him as he winked at me before he walked away. 

That entire day felt straight up boring. 

It was crazy, before he arrived there, I had been doing just fine and everything had been normal. But now that he had shown up I was so used to knowing he was around somewhere. Being aware of his absence made everything uninteresting because I had nothing to look forward to. That vacant desk at the back of the class persistently reminded me that he wasn't at school. That he was someplace I didn't even know of and there was no way for me to reach him unless he reached me first. 

I was officially obsessed with him all over again.