Chapter 32

" I can't believe they grounded me for real!" Kira complained for probably the hundredth time that day. Classes were finally over, and unlike usual, she wasn't in the normal chirpy and excited mood I was used to. Apparently, she had been caught sneaking back into her house the previous night. She had been invited to a party or something of the sort and the idea of not attending had bothered her so much she opted to wait till her entire family fell asleep before she sneaked out. 

Through the front door. The genius had even switched on the lights during her unmatched sneaking. But what had really pissed her off was the fact that her little brother had been the one to tell on her. He had seen her sneak out and had waited for almost an hour before he went and told their parents that she wasn't in her room. That he had wanted her to escort him to the kitchen for a snack but she wasn't there. The boy was around eight, and they hated each other's guts. He'd even admitted to telling on her straight to her face just to anger her even more. And because of that she spent the entire day in a horrid mood. 

" Stupid Cameron!" She snapped again. Then she started telling us how her parents had tried to get her to hand in her phone but she had refused. So she was in for two whole months of being grounded. 

" I feel like my life is over!"

" If you want I can come over and we could hang out...your mom likes me, " Max offered. From his tone and expression, I was able to tell that he expected her to refuse. And he was prepare to accept it, but his eyes widened and he turned to her with a look of shock when she basically begged him to do so. 

We walked down the crowded hallway, and I was only half paying attention to them. I shook my head when Kira invited me to hangout with them as well. Max reminded her that I had to work. But I had actually refused partly because Max would have been disappointed and partly because of HIM. Because even though I was trying to show him how uninterested I was, deep down all I really wanted was a little more of his company, of his voice...I just wanted a little more of him.

And it was thoughts like that which made me wonder whether I had really ever hated Austin. Thinking about it, I realized it had been more of hurt. He had been the first person to make me feel that sort of first hand anguish. I always thought that physical pain was my weakness, but that had been changed after he pained me. And now I felt more obsessed than I had been back then. I didn't want to but I kept secretly looking around, hoping to spot him somewhere because openly going to search for him wasn't an option. 

I knew he knew I liked him. The honest truth was that I had somehow always known. But there was a certain type of thrill to pretending. Openly pretending that too. Lying to each other's faces because it always made things more interesting. Because I lacked the courage and he liked the fun. 

But he was getting past that restriction. For instance, there's all the things he had told me that day. The fact that he had openly declare I was his. That courage! That fucking courage was going to be the end of me. I both loved and hated it. I wanted him to stop being so courageous, yet I didn't. 

" Dude! " Max tapped my shoulder. I turned to find them both staring at me with curious looks. 

" What?" 

I stared from one to the other. Wondering what I had done. Then Kira told me they'd been calling out my name but I wasn't even listening.

" What're you thinking about?" She asked. And the look in both their eyes suggested they thought it was about my mom. Every time I over thought it was either because she had done something crazy or she was missing. But this time it had absolutely nothing to do with her. And I couldn't tell them that because I was going to confuse them and conflict myself. They had asked me whether I was gay and I had openly refused...I didn't believe myself to be. 

I didn't look at other boys with that longing look, I didn't imagine myself with them. I didn't crush on them because I though they were cute or anything of that sort. But I didn't think about girls either. I had no interest in them and never would. I knew that for certain. 

I had only one type. Beautiful, a little arrogant, stubborn, and he went by the name of Austin O'Grady. He was the only person in the history of people I had ever crossed paths with who made me feel that 'certain type of way'.

But I doubted whether it was the same for him.

" I was just wondering where my mom could be, " I lied. Kira sighed and shook her head.

" Not again! How long will you keep up with this?" 

My mom was actually at home if my guess was correct. I'd left her passed out in the living room with no clue of when she had returned. Kira had always bluntly suggested that I drop her at rehab and go on with my life without having to worry about her every second that passed. But I couldn't do that. You couldn't force someone to change if they didn't want to. And my mom only smiled and laughed when she was drunk. I always suspected she had her reasons for being that way but I lacked the courage to start up that conversation. We weren't that close, we didn't have that sort of relationship where we could openly speak with each other about our feelings. 

" She'll show up eventually, she always does, " Max told me because Kira was busy talking about how unfair it was for my mom to be like that and all those things. I faked a smile and nodded. We exited the large exit and walked out into the slightly sunny weather. It was that period on time when the sun was in the early stages of setting. It glowed with this soft yellow light that made you believe it was safe to look up and straight at it. Only for you to do so and end up regretting it. 

The sun and Austin had something in common. Beautiful things that attracted, that made you cherish them and offered you warmth and comfort when you needed it, but then when you least expected it they hurt you in places that took time to heal. 

" I'd walk you to work but I'm grounded! Because of --"

" Yeah yeah, we know why. " I cut in because if I heard that statement one more time I was gonna go insane. She rolled her eyes and shrugged. 

" And I'd walk you but I literally just promised to keep Kira company, " Max defended himself. And I would have assured them it was okay had I not spotted him. 

The casual flair. That 'I-know-I'm-hot-so-don't-stare look' It was something I ought to have despised but it actually intrigued me. He was leaning against a pillar just a couple feet away from us. He smirked when he saw me, then he stood up straight and I watched with hidden interest as his eyes flickered from Kira to Max before he started walking towards us.

" I don't think we have to feel guilty about not accompanying you anymore, " Kira muttered under her breath. Whispering in a manner that suggested she wanted me to hear her but was pretending otherwise. 

He got to where we were and I swallowed, images of what I had almost let happen earlier came flashing back. I couldn't be trusted to be around him and not do or say something I'd regret. 

" Let's go. " It wasn't a request. I clearly took note of the command in his deep voice. He stared at Max from underneath his lashes with a sort of warning glare. Max huffed and shook his head before looking past me and at Kira.

" Let's go?" 

Kira absentmindedly nodded. Her focus on Austin because she was witty and was more than capable of staring at him until he looked back. Eventually he did, and I watched as he narrowed his eyes at her. I feared he might say something disrespectful like I'd heard him say to countless other girls. I always felt like asking him to apologize but that wouldn't have led anywhere so I let him be. 

And I was about to just interrupt him before he spoke and say goodbye to them when he reached out and caught strands of her red hair between his fingers. Staring at them with keen focus before he let go

" It's pretty, " was all he said before he grabbed my hand and started leading me towards the stairs. I tried pulling my hand away but he wouldn't let go. 

" There are people-"

" There are always people Stevens. Even when you can't see them you're always thinking about them. I'm not you. "

I noticed the glances. Everywhere I dared to turn people were either looking or tapping their friends so that they could join in. 

I started to feel that nervousness, that fear. And that anger towards Austin for being so blind to what I felt about all that.