Chapter 164

He was tired and sleepy,and I felt guilty for having made him wake up. He'd once told me that somehow he always sensed whenever I wasn't around anymore. He had to wake up early the following day as well so it was best if we went back to bed first. I could tell him everything once we were there. 

" Just tell me now, I'm already here, " he reasoned when I suggested we head back to the room. But it was too cold there, and he had that weird tendency of absorbing the cold like some sponge. In a few minutes his entire body was definitely going to be freezing. 

" Let's just go before you start shaking. Or I can carry you if you want. "

" No please, I don't trust you that much, "

I chuckled and let him stand. His movements lazy and dragged and his eyes still partly closed. He staggered a bit once he was on his feet but I was right there. 

" Why do you always look drunk when you're sleepy?" I asked. We were basically whispering even though it was just us two in the house. It was just really quiet and it felt as if the slightest sound was going to be heard miles away. At least that was my reason for being so hushed. With Kyle I was sure it was just the drowsiness that was bothering him. If he closed his eyes entirely and let out a deep breath he'd probably just end up falling asleep in an instant. And I couldn't help but wonder whether it would be possible to ever convince him to quit his job so he could focus more on his studies and himself. I had been trying to find a way to ask him but as unreal as it might sound, I was scared of his reaction. There were chances of him being upset and I didn't want that to happen. 

But that was a problem for another day, currently my greatest concern was figuring out a way to explain to him that Chris had killed someone. Hopefully he wasn't going to get as freaked out as I imagined he would. I stood behind him and led him to the room by both shoulders, fearing that he might bump into a wall if I let him steer himself. 

And when we got to bed he swiftly got into the covers, then he put his hand up when I was about to do the same and asked me to wait.

" I'm thirsty, " he dragged out. There was water right next to him but he obviously didn't want to use any more of his physical effort to reach over and grab it. And I knew a thing or two about how demanding he could be when he was in such a state. I walked around to his side, then I helped him to sit up after grabbing the glass. 

" Anything else you want? "

He shook his head and I was finally able to get into bed. For a second I thought he had forgotten his earlier question, but he asked me to go ahead and tell me what was wrong and I felt like shouting. 

" Did you do something wrong? Just tell me if you did and I won't get mad. "

That was sweet, in a hurtful kind of way. I inched closer and held onto him tightly, kissing his jawline and feeling slightly relieved since he was facing away from me and I didn't have to see his immediate reaction to the information. 

" Actually, I was planning on telling you tomorrow but since you insist so much..."

I took too long thinking of how to tell him.

" I won't be able to sleep until you tell me. And I need my sleep. "

" Just promise me you'll be calm, "

" You did something, didn't you?"

" I didn't....but Chris did. "

I felt the change in his entire form. There were no sudden movements, he rather stayed exactly where he was, but his spine did stiffen and turn rigid. I stole a glance at him and found his eyes entirely closed, frowning, I called out his name to confirm whether he was still awake. 

" What did he do?" 

" Stevens...he killed someone. That guy he beat up is dead. "

I also couldn't believe that I had just uttered those words. They came out shaky and filled me with that sick feeling once again. And I held onto Kyle much righter because he was the only one capable of making me feel calm. I didn't like that feeling, it was dark and awful. And every time those thoughts flooded into my head I was left feeling disturbed and icky. Like a truly bad person. 

Judging from the expression Kyle wore when he turned around to face me, he had been horrified and about to ask me to either repeat that statement or expound on the issue. But the second his turquoise eyes met mine, his features softened a bit and then he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He didn't say anything, instead he rested his head on my chest and wrapped a hand around my wrist. 

" That's sad, " he whispered before I felt him press his lips to my chest. His voice was heavy. There were so many emotions he was concealing behind them and I had a feeling he was doing so because of me. 

" If I had known I wouldn't have helped -"

" It's not your fault, you're not to blame for anything so get those wrong thoughts out of your head first. "

" What am I gonna do Kyle? " 

" We'll figure it out tomorrow, okay? This isn't your mess to deal with alone so we'll just have to think things through and sort them out well. "

I didn't even know what to say. But I felt grateful that I had him with me. Somehow, I felt much better now that he knew, and Kyle was good at solving problems. If he said he was going to help me out then it was because he would. 

" You feel awful, don't you?" He asked and I nodded. 

" At least that means you have a conscience, something Chris lacks. There's absolutely no comparison there so don't try to form one. " 

I was never going to understand how he could know me so well, he was so skilled when it came to making me feel better. And the best part was that he barely had to put any effort because he was just Kyle. And from his tone I gathered that even though the matter had shocked him, it wasn't to the extent where he'd become unhinged over it. Or perhaps he had been about to but had realized how shaken I was and decided to just hold it all in and be there for me instead. He'd never know how much I needed to hear those words from him. I believed them more when he was the one saying them. 

" You have to try and her some sleep, even if you don't want to. "

I said okay, my heart asking me whether there was some other deeper way to claim Kyle. A completely permanent way that would last a lifetime... perhaps more. I still felt a bit bumped out over those five years we had spent apart. Because if he had been with me through them everything would have always been much simpler. It was why I got so pissed off whenever anyone tried to take him away from me. I didn't care whether I came across as an overly possessive and hardheaded boyfriend, if it meant keeping away threats then I could even be seen as much worse. 

" I'm here, " he whispered, then he told me he loved me and I felt his breathing as it evened out. 

I always insisted on being the one to take care of him but I loved knowing that he could watch over me as well. And even after he fell completely quiet he gently started to smooth his fingertips over my skin. Meaning he was sacrificing his own sleep inorder to help me ease up a bit. I somehow ended up falling asleep. My last thoughts weren't even about Chris but rather about him. 

I just wanted everything to go back to how it used to be. Clearly I never knew the true depths of Chris's anger, I had no idea of how deep it ran. He had beat up Phil mainly because of the offensive names the guy had called him. Which meant he probably had some legit psychopathic tendencies. No way was I going to let him anywhere near Kyle. And even though Kyle had assured me that I was nothing like Chris, I knew that when it came to his safety and well-being, I was capable of absolutely anything. 

Some minutes before I completely dozed off I was sure I heard my phone buzz, indicating a text. But there's no way I was going to bother checking it. If it was something urgent I assumed the person would have called instead. Plus I was pretty much already asleep at that point.