Chapter 153

I must have underestimated the negative impact that subject had on Kyle. And I blamed myself, because although my intentions had been good, he suddenly became too wound up.

 And they started coming back, all those memories of him hiding out in an empty classroom to cry, or that time he had locked himself in my washroom and I had to think of a way to calm him down. From the first time we talked, I had gotten a vague picture of how his mum was. Even while we had been left behind by the bus on that site, his main fear had been his mum's reaction. Because she had, in her own way, made his life a complete hell. And it was better if I stopped thinking of all those things because then I'd also have to recall the bruises he had never wanted me to bring up. 

It wasn't just about her drinking, there was so much more. 

" I really don't wanna talk to her, " 

His voice broke and I heard him sniffle back a cry. And then he shook his head to reinforce what he had said. 

There were very few things I couldn't stand, and seeing him cry catapulted to the very top of that list. It was just one of those things that drained me of my energy. And even though my mind knew the reason behind his state, it still demanded that someone pay. 

I sat up on my knees behind him, my arms wrapped around him as I wondered why I couldn't do just one thing right. I had been trying to do something good yet I only ended up making him feel awful. Sometimes I forgot just how truly sensitive Kyle was, he had changed so much since we were young that the image I used to have of him was replaced by a newer version. But deep down he was the same reserved and soft soul. And my first priority, just like back then, was to protect him from everything. Because it's how he viewed me, I had always been able to tell. He had always give me this special look that implied he found me safe and comforting. 

He tried to scratch his arms again but I warned him against it. I detested that habit with extreme passion, he always took it way too far. I knew he couldn't help it but all he did was hurt himself, I'd seen the effects with my own eyes and there's no way I was letting him carry through with it. 

" I know she's trying, and I swear I've also tried to just let it all go but I can't. It's too fucking hard!" 

You knew it was something serious if Kyle cursed. And I could feel the bitter pain in his words, I could also tell that he was still silently crying and I hated myself for it.

" It's okay, let's just forget about it then. "

" Is she really not doing great?" 

" Don't worry about it, just calm down. "

" You talked to her though, is she upset or does she think--" 

" No no no, don't overthink. She's completely fine, she just misses you but it's nothing serious. "

" If I don't call her I'll seem like the bad guy, won't I?" 

" You have and will never be the bad guy. "

I was holding onto him as tightly as I could,but that cursed contact was just insufficient. It was lacking entirely. I needed more....Kyle needed so much more! I thought of what I could do to get him closer, and my eyes fell on one of the chairs at the dressing table. I started making my way off the bed, and he went still, like my sudden departure had physically affected him somehow. And as soon as I did the scratching started once more.

" Kyle quit it! " 

It seemed almost like a mental action that he had no control over. He stopped, locking his hands together and looking away, but I held his upper arm and began leading him away. 

" Come on, " 

He followed me without hesitation, quickly wiping away the tears that had made their way down his cheeks. And I was glad that he had done so because I didn't care to see them. Over the past days I had come to understand his mum and the state she was in, but seeing Kyle so worked up just made me as angry as I used to be back in the day. He wasn't perfect, I knew that, but I considered him to be fine just as he was. Because he was exactly what I needed. And if he was hurt then I immediately became hurt as well, but my kind of hurt manifested itself as anger rather than anything else. 

We got to the chair and I sat down. He stood next to me, and at first he was a bit confused, but then the realization suddenly dawned on him and I was able to see it on his features .

" You remember, right?" I softly asked. He gave me this little smile before nodding. Then he settled himself on my lap, his legs on either side of me. Then he tightly wrapped his arms around my neck and tucked his head into the crook of it. It was 'our thing', and I didn't say a word when he slipped my jacket off me and dipped his hands under my shirt to lie on my back. 

What I was asking him to do wasn't easy, it was actually harder than I was making it sound like. I didn't know whether she was directly to blame or not but his mum was in one way or another, the reason behind most if not all of Kyle's worries. She was the reason he had thought it necessary to always study so damn hard...too hard! And because of her he had to overwork himself like crazy. He was just sixteen, there was absolutely no need for him to be working till so late if she was around. 

I let my eyes fall to his upper arms, he was wearing a long sleeved shirt, like always, and I pretended that I wanted to roll up the sleeve, but he just shook his head and wrapped the arm even tighter around me. A plan to make me stop. 

" Thought you stopped that, " 

He'd know what I was referring to without me having to make it so clear. He smoothly rubbed his hands over my skin, then he leaned back and kissed the corner of my lips before returning to his previous position.  

" I love you, " he said.

" You can't keep doing that, I love you too but you just can't, okay? " 

He didn't respond, I felt him trailing patterns on my back momentarily closed my eyes. 

" Stevens -"

" I won't. I'll try not to, "

I didn't want him to just try, I wanted him to actually do it, but I knew it wasn't as easy as I thought so I just forced myself to be satisfied with it. There was a knock on the door, and before I could even respond it was unlocked and my dad peeped in. Naturally, Kyle sort of panicked and grew completely uncomfortable, but when he attempted to stand and step aside I refused to let him. 

" We'll be right there, " I told my dad, looking away from him and focusing on Kyle. 

For a few seconds my dad just stood there, then he cleared his throat and said okay before he left. But even after he was gone Kyle still seemed to regret his existence. We had kissed in front of my dad, I didn't really consider it to be a big deal, but Kyle still acted like it was a lot. 

" Khloe wanted you to stay for dinner, they're not taking no for an answer and neither am I. "

" But it's late enough as it is. "

" You normally get off work much later than this, and my dad volunteered to drive you back home so it's no issue at all. "

" But it sounds like an extra hustle for him--"

" Stay over. " 

He stopped and looked at me, then he chuckled and shook his head. I was really glad to see him happy again. I could however sense his response from miles away but I was intent on making him agree. 

" Don't pretend, we both know you want to. Would you really rather go back home... alone, instead of just staying here with me?"

" We've basically spent this past entire week-"

" Just stay! I've gotten way too used to holding you while I sleep. You're like my own life-sized stuffed animal. "

" Wow, how very flattering, " 

I laughed at the sarcastic remark, but I didn't need to say anything else because my victory was already clear. And he could have tried to hide it all he wanted, but I knew he had really been hoping to stay with me as well. It didn't matter whether we were at my place or his, as long as we were both there then it was all good. He stayed in place for a little longer after my dad left, but then he finally stood up and waited for me to do the same. I missed him immediately after he stood, it was almost as if our hugs had an addictive effect.