Chapter 14

Despite the many years that had passed without him seeing or even talking to my mom, the news affected him. He swallowed and shook his head, then he placed his hand on his chest and blew out a breath. I faced away from him once more, pressing another random key. And for a while we stayed in that silence,I let him digest the news, knowing I had just made him feel worse than he had already been feeling and wondering what I could do to make him feel better, but then I heard his soft footsteps as he approached me. His hand on my shoulder for support as he sat down next to me. 

He uniformly ran his fingers across the keys and withdrew.

" When?" He asked afterwards. He had never been good at hiding his emotions, I felt his pain. And a singular glance at his face had me noticing it written everywhere on his features. 

" About five months after you left, it's been a while now. "

He suddenly looked at me with the most accusing stare. 

" Why didn't you call? You ought to have fucking called!"

" I did. "

He narrowed his gaze and shook his head. 

" Your mom hang up, I tried three more times but she said you wanted nothing to do with me, that I should quit disturbing you....and so I did. "

He muttered a curse. Then he played what sounded very much like an angry tune.

" She never told me!"

" I guessed as much. " 

" I'm so sorry. "

I shrugged it off. 

" Shit happens Stevens, that's just how this little world works. "

I had been devastated those first few months, I think I cried so much the tears dried up. And so I resulted to anger because in needed to feel something as strong as that pain. I had no idea that the anger would end up molding itself into my veins, that it would refuse to leave me. 

" Would you have come if you found out earlier?" 

When I looked at him it was evident he was still processing the news, trying to get his mind to believe that it was the truth. I hated that look on him. 

" You know I would, " 

I nodded at the response, a slow nod which implied I wasn't completely sure about what he said, that there was still some fragmented of doubt layering my thoughts. I risked moving a little closer, he had, as usual kept his distance. The space separating us on the bench wasn't large, but to me it seemed like it was. He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes when I did so, then he proceeded to play a small piece I had heard from him over and over again when we had been young. One I had begged him to stop playing back then because the number of times I had heard it was too much. But as he played it this time I found myself wishing to listen to it over and over again. 

" You doubt me, " he suddenly said while playing. 

" What?"

" You think I wouldn't have come if I learnt about what happened...."

I looked around the store, noticing all the albums that had been neatly organized and wanting to go and check them out, I didn't know much about music but I was still curious. 

" I loved your mom, she cared about me. "

" I know you did. "

For some reason I didn't want to keep talking about that. Perhaps I wasn't as over it as I had thought. And because I didn't want that line of conversation to stretch, I changed it. 

" What happened? You're still upset. "

The most telling trait was his entire demeanor. Whenever he was mad or upset all I had to do was get close enough to read his actions and his responses. There was still something on his mind and I wanted him to trust me enough to share whatever it was. 

" How's your mom?" I asked. He suddenly grit his teeth and pressed the keys even harder, with more force than was required. Then he basically acted as if I hadn't asked him anything. I watched the movements of his hands. How these veins would clearly appear on his skin, and I wanted to roll up his sleeves and trail them until they completely disappeared. 

" What're you doing here Austin?" 

The tiredness of his tone implied he was mentally exhausted and wasn't in a mood to argue, all he wanted was to be somewhere he could freely vent and let loose all his frustration. I wanted him to use me if necessary. It wouldn't have been the first time. I would have gladly volunteered to take up that role. 

" I'm here to see you. "

" Why?"

" Because I want to. Because my mind won't rest until I see you. "

He shook his head, so I reached for his hand and placed mine on it, then I interlocked my fingers with his and retracted them from the piano keys. Placing them on his lap. It was always so fascinating how his breathing would noticeably hitch, how he'd blink and immediately glance away...how he'd try to get his mind to react how it was supposed to rather than how it felt like reacting. 

" Let go, " he whispered, his eyes fixed on our hands. Narrowed as if he were staring at a phenomenon that was past his intellectual understanding. 

" What if I don't want to?"

" Stop that!"

" Stop what?"

" You know what, I'm not playing whatever game this is. I'm not trying to go back to the past so stop dragging me back there. "

I gave him a subtle smile, then I let go of his hand and he seemed a little surprised. But that shocked look was replaced with a weary one as he watched me reach for his cheek. I traced my fingertips down his smooth skin... trailing them down to his neck, then I went to his chest and playfully teased my way down. He tensed and immediately tried to reach for my hand, but I held it with my free one and dared him to maintain the eye contact he was so strongly opposed to. His left hand was still free, but he didn't use it. He rather sat there and watched as I played with the hem of his shirt, then I raised it slightly and dipped my hand inside, finding the warm skin of his stomach and placing my palm flat on it. It was all too familiar....I wondered whether he was  recalling the same thing as me.

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" Play that song again and I'll strangle you! " I seriously warned him. I regretted the day he discovered his love for the piano. And now my mom keeps giving him these lessons, I feel like he's more excited about the piano than the fact that he gets to hang out with me after school. Chuckling, he tells me that he'll play whatever he feels like playing. I watch as he wrings his hands, the odd action interests me every time. Then he turns around to face me and he has this cheeky look on his face. I'm standing a few steps away from him, a bowl of ice cream in my hand as I wait for him to finish messing around with the piano, we have a game to play! 

My mom wasn't even around yet he still insisted on practicing. 

" Your mom said you weren't allowed to have that till after you are your supper, " he said in reference to my ice cream. I shrugged. I was ten, I could do whatever I felt like doing.

" Are you planning on telling on me?" 

I knew he wouldn't, so I didn't mind that he didn't reply, but then he turned around and started playing the same song I had been hearing for the past two weeks straight and I couldn't handle it. I groaned and stepped away from him. Hoping he'd be done with it quick. Placing the bowl on the little glass table next to my mom's favorite couch, I lazily sat on it and waited. But after he was done, he started playing it over again. 

I stood and glared at him even though he couldn't see me, and my first thought had been to shout at him but another thought came to mind. Something that would really get him upset. Yesterday he had made me promise to stop messing around with him the way I ways did, all I had done was wrap my hands around him from behind and refuse to let go. It had been a joke, we were at school and he had actually gotten a little mad. I still don't get why he acts that way. But he knows me well enough to know that I hadn't been serious about never messing with him again. I slowly walked over to him, then I placed my hands on his shoulders and leaned in. 

The music came to an instant stop and he tried to shrug me off but I rather reached for his hands on the piano keys and wrapped mine around his wrists. 

" Come on! Stop it already!" He complained. I laughed, not letting go even when he tried to push him away. I knew how to mess with him without crossing the line. All I had to do was push him to the edge, but then I would never let him fall. Whenever he fell off that edge he turned into someone else. 

" I'll tell your mom you ate the ice cream!"

" Go ahead,I don't care. "

" Why do you keep doing this?"

" Because you don't like it. "

He turned around and looked at me, silently warning me to quit it. I had been laughing but the laughter dried in my throat. Was that anger? It seemed somewhat like anger...but not entirely. It also looked like something else. I didn't know what though, he tried to wriggle free, I let go of his wrists but quickly wrapped my arms around his shoulders before he got away. 

" Austin enough!"

" I'm not even doing anything, "

When he tried to stand and failed he turned to me again. That look was even more intense. I wasn't even sure whether it was because he had passed the edge anymore. He blinked, once...twice...three times before he instantly looked away and closed his eyes. I looked at the tip of his ear, how it had turned red and I assumed it was because of the anger. And because I didn't want him getting completely mad again, I decided to let go. But first I teased him one last time by playfully giving him a peck on his cheek and backing off. His hand went up touched the side of his place where the kiss had been placed, then he slowly turned to me with wide eyes and the most confused expression. He didn't get close to me after that, each time he saw me approaching him he'd step back and warn me off. I'd laugh, knowing I'd managed to piss him off. Until my young mind started to overthink things and I decided to pay attention to details. His details to be exact. 

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I think for a while there he had been too confused to react, and so instead he had ended up just staring at me. Not my eyes though, he'd stare at the space between them, or at my hair...sometimes I'd catch his gaze as it fell to my lips. 

I smirked, then I trailed a line along the waistband of his jeans and he immediately stood and backed off. 

" What the fuck Austin!" He looked slightly horrified. Running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. I shifted, sitting while facing him. and leaning back against the piano. Then I gazed at him from underneath my lashes and kept my smile at bay.

" You can't keep doing shit like that, "

" Like what?"

Shaking his head, he went back to his books and sat at an angle that ensured he could see every move I attempted to make. Then he opened up his books and audibly blew out a sharp breath. He was uneasy, and he almost sighed in relief when a customer walked in and gave him an excuse to distract himself. I stood while he was tending to the customer and went to where his books were, I had to be somewhere in the next half hour, it was something I couldn't miss. But I had my bike and I knew it wouldn't take that long to get there. The customer must have not found whatever he was searching for because he left without buying anything. Kyle waited till he was out of the exit before he walked back to the counter, but he didn't come over to my side, he stayed on the buyer's side and pulled his books towards him.