A Chance To Explain

It's 9pm. Lumabas si Terrenz ng kwarto para uminom ng tubig. Patungo na siya sa kusina nang matanaw niya si Red sa balkunahe. Bahagya niyang sinipat ito ngunit agad din nagpatuloy sa kusina. She took a glass saka binuksan ang ref to pour on a water. She drank it keeping the refrigerator ajar.

As she was drinking, nakita niya ang ilang bote ng beer sa shelvings ng ref. Napatingin siya roon then looked at the direction palabas ng balkunahe. She's some kind of thinking but somewhat hesitated. She drink again another glass of water. Then with a slight grin, she took two bottle of beer at lumabas ng balkunahe.

Napalingon si Red sa pinto nang maramdaman niyang tila bumukas iyon. He saw Terrenz came out holding two bottles of beer. She was slightly smiling. Iwinagayway nito sa kaniya ang isang bote saka inilahad para ibigay.

"It seemed that you can't sleep. I don't know if this will help, but let's try," anito as she handed her the bottle of beer. He grinned and reached for it. Kinuha din niya ang isa pang bote na hawak nito at siya na ang nagbukas para kay Terrenz. Terrenz sat beside her. Inabot niya pabalik ang bukas ng bote ng beer kay Terrenz.

"Cheers to the productive 2 months we just had," magiliw na turan nito. He smiled as he clink his bottle to hers. They drank at the same time.

"Ahhh, the refreshing bittersweet taste of beer," komento ni Terrenz after she drank. "Hindi ko na maalala kailan pa ko huling uminom ng alak. I was too occupied that I get to socialize less often."

"But you never liked the taste of alcohol even before. People always thoughts na malakas ka uminom because you were always with us and we usually hang out sa barbecuehan sa likod ng campus yet you never drink," sabi ni Red.

"Because you never let me too. Besides, hindi rin naman kayo nag-iinom. We were just there simply because of the barbecue," turan din ni Terrenz.

Napangiti lang din si Red as they reminisce the memories of their college years.

"Andun pa rin kaya yung barbecuehan na yun?" tanong ni Red.

"I think so. It is a legend. Kahit wala na si Auntie, her son continued the legacy," ani Terrenz.

"When was the last time you went back to our alma mater?"

Terrenz shrugs. "I don't know. Probably when I needed my Authenticated Transcript and Good Moral Certificate," she said jokingly. Natawa si Red sa sinabi niya.

"Hayyy..." buntong hininga ni Red. "It was the best years. One of the best memories that I got."

Terrenz smiled weakly sa sinabi ni Red. Napaiwas siya ng tingin rito saka yumuko. What Red said may probably somewhat true but not all of it. There are parts na somehow Terrenz wanted to forget. The memories that almost break her.

Napansin naman ni Red ang pagbabago ng mood ni Terrenz. He buckled up. He became insensitive about it. He didn't meant to ruin the mood. But then he realized, this could probably his chance to explain. To clarify why he left.

"Terrenz," he called her. Bahagya itong lumingon sa kaniya. "I know you don't want it. But pwede ba kong makiusap, just this once, please don't walk out on me? Pwede ko bang gamitin 'tong moment na 'to as my one chance to explain?"

Hindi nakahumang si Terrenz. She can't deny the fact na totoong iniiwasan niya ang pagkakataon na ito. She's trying not to trigger anything about their past. But she understands that somehow Red is trying to take his chance to atleast explain his side. Probably since they are now working together. Siguro para lang maging at ease ang sitwasyon nila. But Terrenz hated the drama. Anything that reminds her of their past is still painful to her. Their break up was so messy that she really wished to forget it.

Ngunit aminado din naman siya sa sariling wala pa talaga siyang closure. As if everything was kept hanging all these years. Malabo sa kaniya kung bakit ito biglang nawala. Kung bakit hindi siya binigyan man lang nito ng matinong eksplenasyon.

Hindi siya sumagot. But she gave Red the impression to proceed. She looked at him as if anticipating what he wished to say.

Sinalubong ni Red ang tingin niya. He wanted to keep the connection. He don't want to miss his chance. He knows that inorder for him to go back, he must let her remember. And he needed his chance to explain.

"Terrenz, I really don't how to make you believe. Alam ko paso na rin yung mga salitang I never really meant to hurt you. I guess it's really too late to tell you that. But I don't know how can I stressed it out any further or to be any more clearier than telling you I am really sorry for hurting you. Hindi ko gustong iwanan ka. But it's the only way I know I can protect you," Red said with utmost sincerity. "We were just young then. I am powerless. I cannot make my own decisions. All I can do was just to obey."

Nangunot ang noo ni Terrenz. Hindi niya maintindihan kung ano ang tinutukoy ni Red. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang kinalaman niya sa ibig sabihin nitong he was powerless. But she did not ask further.

Red looked up in the sky. Napatingin din si Terrenz dun. It was darker tonight. There were no stars and the moon is nowhere in sight. Tila pa yata nagbabadya ng pag-ulan. Even the wind is chillier tonight.

"But I have to admit, I am not yet ok," anito saka humarap ulit sa kaniya. "Yet I am taking my chances. Betting my last straw."

Napangunot noo lalo pang si Terrenz. Mas malabo sa kaniya ang huling sinabi ni Red. He said he wanted to explain, yet lalo lang siyang nalito sa mga matatalinhagang sinabi nito.

"You look more confused than ever," nakangiting turan ni Red.

Tumaas ang isang kilay ni Terrenz. Shifting her reaction from confusion to sarcasm. "You said you wanted to explain, I don't get the part where that is."

Red let out a soft chuckle. "Gusto ko lang sabihin na hindi ko gustong mawala na lang basta in the past. It was the hardest part of my life before. And I have tried everything to get you back," diretsong sabi nito.

Natigilan si Terrenz. She was lost for words. Wala ng mas lilinaw pa sa sinabi ni Red. It was straight forward indeed. But everything he said was in past tense. Ibig bang sabihin hindi na ganun ang scenario ngayon?

"B-but I waited for you..." she voiced out. If he tried everything, gano ba kahirap na balikan siya? She never moved. Ni hindi siya nagpalit ng number for the last five years. Kahit pa sabihing she's still in waiting, she never moved on that quick.

Red look at her seriously. Ngunit tila wala itong masabi. He knows what he did to Terrenz was really painful. At kahit hindi aminin ng dalaga, he knows that Terrenz is still subtly waiting.

Napayuko si Terrenz. She somewhat buckle up. Tama ng narinig niya ang explanation ni Red kahit pa malabo pa rin iyon sa kaniya. Iisipin na lang niya that Red might have fallen out of love on her. And that would be enough for her to really moved on this time. She reached for the beer and nilagok iyon almost finishing it up. When she's done drinking, akma na siyang tatayo at iiwan si Red. But Red reached for her hand and stopped her from leaving. Napalingon siya sa paghawak ni Red sa kamay niya.

"I'm not done yet. You gave me this chance. I have to make the most of it," anito na nakatingin ng diretso sa mata niya. Hindi nito binitawan ang kamay niya.

"R-red..." she uttered. Napalunok pa siya. Sinalubong niya ang tingin nito.

"I still have a confession to make," Red continued. "Alam ko, it took time for you to forget me. And I really don't expect for you to love me back that fast. But, I am taking my chances,"

"R-red, g-gusto ko ng m-magpahin-" she tried to get away.

"I still love you, Terrenz," Red said na hindi pinansin ang pag-iwas ni Terrenz.

Lalong natigilan si Terrenz. Ngunit di niya inalis ang tingin kay Red. She's trying to figure out how sincere Red is sa sinabi nito. It was clear in his eyes how true his words were. His stares shows his inner self. Hindi makakailang Red still had deep feelings for her.

But can she just simply accept it back? She spent 5 years getting over him. No, waiting for him as she hadn't got over yet.

"Can you say something? I can breathe if you don't say something," ani Red.

Tumaas ulit ang isang kilay ni Terrenz. Sarcastic face returned. "Ikaw pa hindi makahinga. You're confessing something na hindi madaling tanggapin ulit. Ikaw pa may ganang kabahan," turan niya na walang preno. The typical tactless Terrenz.

Hindi napigil ni Red ang matawa. He remember the first time he confessed to Terrenz. She had the same reaction.

"Don't laugh," ani Terrenz. Probably the alcohol is somewhat kicking in. "Hindi ko sure kung seryoso ka sa mga sinasabi mo if you laugh."

"I have never been more serious," nagtaas pa ito ng kamay na tila nanunumpa kahit natatawa. "Cross my heart."

Inirapan ito ni Terrenz.

"I don't expect you to say yes now. But let me win you back. Hayaan mo kong ligawan ka ulit."

Terrenz expression soften. She can accept that. She could think things thru. And discover once again how true his feelings for Red is and how inlove Red was to her.

'I think I can live with that...'she said to herself.