2 Chp 2: Veritable Eye Vomit
Location: The Warp Realm of Brass and Blood (Outskirts)
Age: 10
Date: ERROR
Waking up is never fun but waking up with the world looking like a motion sickness commercial makes you kinda wish you could keep your eyes shut.
With the ground starting to look somewhat like the ground and staying still-ish 'Harry' stood up off the ground
He appeared to be around ten years of age at 4 ft 5 inches but with muscles and scars far beyond his years. Looking over to see Kaldor roasting whichever ungulate had been unlucky enough to come across them the day… before.
"Kaldor, what's cooking, is it edible".
"Course it is Welp, for me at least … but for you ... well it'll be an interesting experiment, we can see what happens in an hour", Kaldor said with a rumble a slight hint of humour breaking through his mostly monotone voice.
Kaldor was squatted down in a pitted crater, formed of a hard stone-like material, channelling a thin beam of warp fire, which he was using to roast a pink creature reminiscent of a deer, but one whose ancestral line departed from both evolution and logic many aeons ago.
Giving it a poke he said "Seems meaty enough my boy".
Taking a bite after having ripped some of the pink meat off Harry replied "Kaldor can you teach me how to do that".
"... I'm sorry kid, you're not well suited to pyromancy ... but there are other skills that will come to you more easily as you may have realised by now. However, our focus should be on getting you out of the warp. It's no place for a mortal and attempting to teach you anymore, whilst still in the warp would be like trying to cook in a room full of gas …. boom". said Kaldor to Adam ['Harry], pausing on the last word whilst acting out the motions of an explosive mushroom cloud with his hands.
Note: (AU Harry is named Adam, Kaldor would have no way of knowing Harry's given name and as such gave him one and gave him this one for a reason).
"How will we get out of here then, there's no end to this place," said Adam.
"There are ways", Kaldor responded mysteriously raising one finger, pausing as he turned towards Adam.
"Option one ...simply put is that you acquire control over a tremendous amount of warp energy and a truly massive amount, enough to form a portal into the materium".
Unfortunately, I hesitate to consider whether that will become possible. For you could find yourself at the end of your mortal lifespan long before you gain either the knowledge, power or control to pull it off.
"There's a reason chaos sorcerers rely on thousands of sacrifices attempting to do so".
"Even then let's say you managed, where you'll end up is anyone's guess, you could find yourself in space, thrust into the heart of a dying star or as is typical of the wiles of the warp thrust into a battle way above your pay grade".
"Are you not able to open a portal Kaldor?" asked Adam.
"Unfortunately not my boy, I am unable to return to or bring you with me for that matter to the materium for reasons, that will remain unknown to you for now", Kaldor forced a smile onto his face as Adams face dropped. Sickened to think that there was nothing he could do.
"Option two". Raising a second finger, "You find a natural weak point where the materium and the warp overlap; but like all these options there's a problem with this too".
"You're still stuck in a newly materialised demon world. At least here in the warp physical effects are limited for the most part and a human desire for sustenance is minimal. A demon world's atmosphere could be on fire, it could be filled with poisonous blooms and untold biological horrors, or it could be a world so icy cold even the atoms freeze, which could leave you as ashes, drowning on your stomach bile with your throat torn out or as an icy statute fated to wile away until the biting winds finally weather you away. Even if you got lucky, you would still be dumped somewhere close to the eye of terror, somewhere like the Askellon sector with the warp at your front and the hateful Xenos of the halo stars at your rear, waiting to be murdered by a chaos warband, roving pirates or any of a long list of species hostile to mankind".
"Eeeh, I don't want to have any of those things happen" said Adam looking down uncomfortably and then back up at Kaldor hopeful that the next option was better.
"Now here's option 3, we get really lucky and get summoned by a chaos sorcerer. Unfortunately, though ... that's not up to us I'm afraid, and as I'm sure you can guess also has its own challenge as it relies entirely on us accidentally being summoned and is at such the least likely of all these possibilities to occur" Kaldor paused for a moment.
"So, on to option 4, you're still paying attention boy" waving his hand in front of Adam's face, "We get a lift. That is we hitch a ride on a passing void ship, but to do that we would have to get stupendously lucky, jumping from part of the formless wastes into the warp shallows, hoping we hit something capable of transitioning to the materium on the way, praying we don't get noticed by a warp predator like furies or one of the endless nightmares sentients have conjured since the birth of this universe".
"You and all these options are insane", said Adam.
"Maybe I am, funny, that's the same thing Leman said, the old goat, bahahaha, I wonder where that mood killer is. But there's no sane options here kid, I kind of think it's by design" said Kaldor thoughtfully getting distracted.
"anddddd Option 5," asked Harry five minutes later, Kaldors mind having wandered off in thought for a few minutes.
'I'm screwed,' thought Adam, 'Kaldors got dementia'.
"Oh well that's easy you just have to storm through innumerable legions of one of the chaos gods …, reach their palace…, dash through one of the warp portals they use to send their demons through the web way and then rush through it with ever more demons from the other chaos gods join you. Without getting lost in the endless maze of the web making your way towards Terra…, reach the exit of our great Emperor's web way project, and survive a hail of friendly fire from titans and custodes at the eternity gate and then walk out the imperial palace's front door. Not definitively impossible I've done some of it before .... and well the last two parts, well you don't know until you try" said Kaldor nonchalantly drumming his fingers on his armour's tassets.
"I'll die" said Adam mouth agape, staring wide eyes.
"Countless stronger would too," said Kaldor slowly, "whichhhh is why we're going to attempt option 4".
