Unnamed

This anger, this hatred, this pain... A pain, an anger, a hatred which has no path to go, whom am I going to bent my wrath?, no one!who am I going to hate?... no one. why do I feel so much pain? who's the caus of it?... That's right it's no other than my self!, since that day... I'm grown so distant and as time goes I've born with the ability of isolating my self.... I tried to pursue love! acknowledgement! And warmth from others but what I got in the end is distrust, disappointment, eyes full of pitty, eyes that only sees me as hopeless. I'm getting tired but I keep trying to reach my hand for someone's warmth to embrace but everytime I try there is only pain that awaits me in the end of this path. To encourage my self to live, I start making my own path,I made an oath to God that I will never shed my own blood with my own hands.

I even made Dearing promise to them.... The..... .....

Pomising things that I should never promised to some one that a living a human should have never made a promise with. promising something to the unknown? So ridiculous right, yes! Everyone will see me as a crazy person.

That's right, I made my own path where I can never go back again, I'm cursed to fallow this path, a promise that can never be broken. I'm the cause of all of this, I bound my self with this chains, I restrained my own. Now I realize... Why am I still chasing something that I long removed from my existence? why do I still trying to understand love? It's making me sick of everything. Why am I trying so hard to reach something I put out of my reach. Why did she appear in my life?why is it, that I desire her so much? why did I fall for her, when I never had in the past. She's is like a flower full of turn, by just looking at her gives me feelings that I had never felt before, Its rapturing me.

The thought that she loves me which made me tried to break out of the prison I built.

But that love is all just an illusion... Mylong desire and my craving for love that I digged deep within my soul. Is making me delusional. I see! So that's all just a faint wave from the love that I thrown deep in my abyss and it's trying root back to me, how laughable. Fxk just what the fxk am I, Im lost...

But again this voices of this beings keeps appearing in my mind.... They are neither good or bad.... they are telling things... their voices appeals my fallen senses. They are encouraging by giving a faulty understandings. I know this is not for me but for the arrogant promise I made to them.

I know that they are coaxing me but I'm hopeless and can't resist their voices. They made her my weakness, they are use her to fuel the hatred anger and pain within me.... I know... I knew it... I know... But I am just to hopeless against them there is nothing I can do.

Now that... I shall....

I shall

Never...

reach my hands for something I put away ever again.

I built a path that is full of hatred, anger and pain that fuels my promise to the unknowns.

I felt like I can no longer return from this path, I'm getting used of this pain, I felt okay being hated being disliked and being betrayed, I felt okay even if it's very painful, it's like the pain its self had incorporated in my soul as a part of me, my heart is so namb. have I gone crazy?.... Sometimes I see a path ahead of me that is only full of ruin. Screams and cries of agony and desperation coming to my ears from the distant time. Their screams it's like it's trying to tell me something.

but...

I just feel nothing, I only felt cold and voide within me.

Had I become a forbidden one that only seeks something that is full of ruin, destruction?, my promise for world unity, gave birth to a complete prejudice, my hatred for other beliefs had grown so much that I couldn't resist the arge of killing and destroying all None Christianity and none democracy. I only smells destruction on my path agony and pain.... But I am done for I have become a slave of my own prison... I deserve it I deserve to be called the villain the evil, I led my self to this path, and no matter what.... I will never feel sorry to anyone, I will never feel guilty for anyone, I will never apologize, and no one can stop me other than death. Hate me blame me curse me... Just do it I will take them all with open hand.... I only have one thing awaits me die as a failure or die as a mad man.