Lillian-Some History Behind me

Well to start off with my biological father, Mike I don't really know much of him or remember much but I do remember one thing. I was like always at my grams even when I was younger because I loved her so much so one day when he still had some custody over me he came to pick me up and I was like 4 or 5 at the same, but I didn't want to leave Grammy's so I held onto a chair and he had to forcefully drag me out of her house with me still holding the chair. That's really all I want to put for that right now, I want to clear something up to I've tried to have some sort of relationship with my biological father but he stood me up and just didn't seem to have any interest in actually being a father to me. But the next person in my life was Corey and Corey was always dad to me even though I knew he wasn't my real dad he was still dad to me. I loved Corey so much and like when mom would be off at work I remember us going out for ice cream with the dogs, doing yard work together, and just in general having a bunch of fun! But then that fateful day came. I don't remember the date but I think I was about 6 or 7 and like my family had always painted the perfect picture. They never exposed me to their fighting, bad language etc. But that day I heard like yelling so I exited my room and went and sat in the hallway which was far away from their room so they didn't notice me listening. But they were fighting and screaming, calling each other names and just saying horrible stuff about each other. I walked from the corner and they didn't care they kept fighting. The next thing I remember is me going to like get something in the kitchen when Corey said "Lillian who is right?" He knew what he was trying to do because I was a total daddy's girl. But I just kind of stood there until my mother yelled at him telling him to leave me out of everything. The next thing that comes to mind is Corey running outside with mother's boxes trying to burn them while she chased him. Those boxes were full of things from my father and about him she wanted to keep them for when I wanted to know about my real father. I remember looking out our big window where we had so many happy memories together like watching squirrels with the dogs, or watching different seasons or just watching the sun set. I saw something much worse, my life crashing before my eyes. I just couldn't stop crying while hugging my dog, Romeo so tight not wanting to believe this was real. My grandparents came to pick me up like 5 minutes later my mother must have called them because they came and picked me up but I just couldn't stop crying. So they asked if I still wanted to go to school or if I just wanted to go home with them but I was a nerd back then so I chose school and I thought it'd help to see my friends. After school that day I remember mom taking me home and packing everything she had bought Corey because he wasn't going to let have the house. That day she left Buckley behind which caused him major issues today. He can't stand being left alone. But after that they tried to like I guess help me through what i saw? I don't really know what Gram and Mom were think but they one day invited Corey over without me knowing and surprised me with him but I was still scared of him after that so like a little kid I ran out to the backyard and hid under the trampoline. I don't know what happened to make me run again but I ran under that deck so he couldn't talk to me or see me. After that I didn't see Corey for like a week until mom had to work one day and gram couldn't watch me so I had to go with him. I remember asking him if we were still going to be a family he said " I 'm not sure" and just hugged me. After that like a month went by and I saw no Corey so when me and my mother went into our local gas station we saw him and my heart immediately sank. Mom made friendly conversation trying to show me it was ok to talk to him and shit but I didn't have the heart to talk to him or look at him even so I avoided him. A few years later It was coming close to my birthday and I don't know what boyfriend mom was with but I missed Corey so I wanted to invite him to my birthday so I went to our old house and gave him an invite he said he'd come but never showed and I haven't seen him since. I will continue with more of my history but I thought I'd give the basics. But from these incidents I unfortunately have developed a sad habit, anytime someone fights whether I want to or not I burst into tears and this fight just flashes into my head. I can't control it.