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Try as I might, I can't stop thinking about Stiles. It scared me. He shouldn't affect me like this. It doesn't make any sense. I don't know what I want. I don't know when just being alive will stop hurting, but I know that I want Stiles. I also know that it's probably a terrible idea. I know that mentally, emotionally I'm not ready for anything serious. I'm not good at keeping this casual. I know that I'm overthinking this and I can't stop myself. What's wrong with me?

My phone chimed and I knew without looking that it was Stiles. I was infatuated with him and it confused me. In some ways, he doesn't make me feel like myself. I'm not used to the side of me that surfaces, while I'm around him. I think that scares me more than anything.

I bit my lip, as I checked my phone.

'I know I'm probably not supposed to actually tell you this, but I can't stop thinking about you. I figured I'd lose macho points admitting it, but I'm cool with that.

-S'

I read the message three times, without responding. So, he feels the same way? That makes me wanna avoid him even more, but I know that I shouldn't. I'm a certified mess and the last thing that I should be doing is dragging someone else into that mess with me, but here I am, getting Stiles tangled into whatever the fuck this is. I know that it's selfish of me to want him, while I'm trying to work through my grief and figure out who I am after all of this, but I do. I don't want to feel guilty about wanting Stiles. It's so unbelievably nice to feel wanted. I can't remember the last time I felt genuinely wanted, without any strings attached.

'You won't lose any macho points with me, if that helps.

-B'

I sent it, before I could overthink it. I didn't say anything about the fact that he was thinking about me. Or the fact that I haven't been able to stop thinking about him, either. I don't think I'm ready to tell him that. I'm not ready for what that might mean. How am I even having feelings for someone this soon? It's a whirlwind of confusion. I never felt this strongly for Jeremy, even, and he held a special place in my heart.

My phone went off and I was tempted to just ignore it and look at it later. But I knew the curiosity would eat at me.

'It definitely helps. It might help more if I knew that you were thinking about me, too. ;)

-S'

'Shit. Sorry. Was that too forward? I feel like it was pushy. Just tell me to back off, if this gets to be too much. I know that things are still fresh with you. Sorry, again, I'm not trying to keep bringing it up… And now I'm just rambling. I like you. It's out there. I can't take it back. But we don't have to do anything. I'm not trying to rush you. We can be friends. You don't even have to spend time with you. Things will always be at your pace.

-S'

I didn't even know what to say to his follow-up text. He always seems to know what's going on in my head and say what I wish he wouldn't. How does he always do that? Thinking of Jeremy and dwelling on his death rips me open and makes me wish that I had died with him. I hate feeling that way, because I know that my will to live is strong. I want to live. I don't want to die. I didn't want my depression to drag me under or to be pulled into Expression, again. I was stronger than that, at least, I was trying to be.

Depression is like an awful friend, who is always breathing down your neck and draining all of your energy. She waits until you feel like you almost function again, and then delivers a swift kick in your gut, while reminding you that you're worthless. Then, anxiety shows up and you forget how to breathe. And it takes all of your effort just to pull your ass out of bed and take a shower. Anything else, just seems like you may as well climb Mt. Everest. All of this, while you're just trying to keep your head above water and not drown in the sea of overwhelming emotions you're always in.

I walked over to my window and opened it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I focused on nature's scent. I chanted softly and tried to calm myself. I pulled on the earth around me and grounded myself. At this rate, I'll need to take another trip to the Nemeton sooner than later.

I knew that I couldn't ignore Stiles forever. I really don't want him to keep blowing up my phone.

'I'll tell you if I'm not comfortable with something or if it feels like it's too soon for me. No offense to you, but I really don't want to talk about Jeremy with you. I can handle it on my own. Talking about it still hurts me. I can handle it in doses and I'm just trying to not be overwhelmed with life right now. Friends are good with me. Anything beyond that, I'm not ready for. Today was nice. If it happened again, I would probably be okay with that… But I'm not looking to jump into anything. I don't want to mislead you. I need to get some air and clear my head. I'll get back to you, later.

-B'

I turned off my phone and threw my hair up in a haphazard bun. I grabbed a couple of healing crystals and changed into a pair of leggings, before putting my boots back on. I bit my lip as I slipped a dagger into my shoe. I don't think I'll need it. I know my magic is reliable, but this is a new place and I don't know what all the dangers are.

I made my way through town and walked back to the woods. I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. I breathed in nature and let it overwhelm me. It helped drown out everything else. I relished it. I felt connected and I didn't feel so alone. I sat my crystals next to me, as I sat on the Nemeton. I closed my eyes and began to meditate. I already felt better. I don't know what it is, but something about this place brings me peace. There's more than that here. I can feel the little sparks of darkness, but there's overwhelming light, too. Mostly, I just feel immense power. It gives me something to cling to. I crave serenity… That and the power.

Void Stiles' POV

Despite my doubts and pushing, Bonnie continues to surprise me, by continuing to open up to me. She's closed off about so much, maybe that's why it takes me by surprise that she's been so open with me. She admitted that is open to dating me, which is making it far too easy, not that I'm complaining. Her anguish and power are delicious. Every time I see her, I just want her that much more. She's everything I could possibly want and I've been craving her for days. She will be mine. I'll accept nothing less.

It wasn't hard to trail her back to the Nemeton. She's easy enough to read. She craves her routine. It helps her keep her grip on reality. It's fascinating, really, learning what makes her tick.

She laid back on the Nemeton and she glowed. Power surrounded her and she just soaked it up. She attracts power, whether she realizes it or not, not just from the Nemeton. It's why Peter just couldn't keep to himself her first night in Beacon Hills. I can still taste her on my lips and I wanted more. We're going to be explosive and I'm ready for it. It's only a matter of time, before she's as twisted as I am. If luck is on my side, it'll be sooner than later.