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I woke up early, just to fall back asleep. I was awake now and I was contemplating cancelling on Stiles. I didn't have a reason to, not really. I just didn't feel up to being around people today, but maybe that was more reason that I should be. I wasn't sure. I just knew that isolating myself further probably wasn't healthy right now.

I gnawed at my lip, as I dragged myself out of bed. I have no idea what to wear and I don't want to ask Lydia. I feel like it'll end up being a bigger deal than it really should be, if I do. That's the last thing that I want. I don't want to impress Stiles, necessarily, I just don't want to feel like I'm hiding, even with my choice of clothes. I want to bury myself under a pile of blankets and never come out. I want to, but I won't. That isn't living – it's avoiding. I'm trying to face my demons, so I can work through them. The last thing I want is for them to get any worse.

I sighed as I talked myself up. I just need to take a quick shower and put on my big girl panties and handle this. It doesn't matter how badly I'm hurting, because the world won't stop for me. And I shouldn't expect it to. People go through worse things all the time. I just need to push through and carry on. Then, hopefully, one day everything will hurt less.

I stripped out of my pajamas and stepped into the shower. I turned on the water and let the cold water wash over me, as it slowly heated up. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to focus. The cold helped me snap out of my pity party long enough for me to take a deep breath and bathe. I felt calmer and my mind felt clear. I wish I understood why these overwhelming feelings of anguish came in waves.

I towel dried my hair, then pulled on a clean pair of jeans. They weren't comfortable, but I wanted to at least look like I was trying to be human. I can change into leggings, when I get home. I need to push myself to do the things that I used to. I know that it's okay to fall apart, but I can't fall apart all of the time. I will never survive this, if I do. I'm stronger than that. That's my mantra. I need to repeat it, until it's engraved in my brain.

I paired the dark-washed jeans with a charcoal grey sweater and combat boots. They were dark colors, but it wasn't all black, so it was progress. In theory, it'll be easier to keep my mind a brighter place, if I'm not cloaking myself in black every day. I doubt it will make much of a difference, but it can't hurt, right?

I stared at my reflection and went through the motions of concealing the dark circles under my eyes. I put on a bit of white eyeliner on my bottom waterline to make my eyes lighter and to feel more human. I put on a bit of mascara, lightly tinted lip balm and just enough blush to add some color to my otherwise washed out face. In the end, I looked vaguely human, again. It was a nice change. I sprayed some setting spray to lock my makeup in place, in case I got emotional and couldn't keep my tears at bay.

My phone buzzed and I knew it was Stiles. I put on my jacket and grabbed my bag, before checking the message.

'Getting ready to leave here. Pick you up in 5? That okay?

-Stiles'

I like that he asked me, before coming and he didn't just assume that I would be okay with him surprising me.

'Okay. See you then.

-Bonnie'

I texted him back, before leaving the sanctuary of my room. I repeated my mantra to myself, again, while I walked to the living room. I saw Lydia and she gave me a knowing glance. I'm sure that Stiles told her about our plans.

"Have fun and if he gets inappropriate, I'll make him regret it." She promised. I gave her a small smile, before I could stop myself. The more I interact with her, the more that I come to like her. I can easily see us being friends one day. Though, I'm not sure what I can offer that friendship.

A knock came from the door and I realized that he was early. I'm not surprised though. He doesn't seem like the type who would be late to something he initiated. I took a deep breath, before answering it. An easy grin broke across his face, when he saw me. I bit my lip and looked him over. He looks nice. He has one jeans, a grey Henley, and converse. We matched and it wasn't even intentional. The irony wasn't lost on me.

"Sorry I'm early. You look great." Stiles broke the ice. I let out a nervous laugh.

"It's fine. Thanks. So do you." I replied, getting increasingly nervous by the second.

"You ready to go?" He asked. I nodded. "Bye Lyds, I'll see you later." He told her.

"Bring her back in one piece. I expect you to be on your best behavior, Stiles." She called, as walked away.

"Yes, mom." He shot back with a smirk. I rolled my eyes. Just what did I get myself into? He surprised me, when he opened my door for me, and closed it, after I sat down in his Jeep. He's really trying. I wasn't expecting that. Then again, there are a lot of things that I don't expect lately. "How are you settling in?" He asked me, as he back to drive.

"I've got everything unpacked. Lydia's family has been really accommodating, so I can't really complain." I answered. He nodded and I could see the gears working on overdrive in his head. He seems to internalize a lot, too. I doubt that much goes unseen by Stiles. He's awfully perceptive.

"Are you regretting coming out with me?" He asked, again, catching me off guard.

"A little, but not because of you. I really didn't want to leave my room today, but I can't seal myself away from human interaction forever. I probably needed to get out of the house. So, thank you, for that." I told him, honestly. He nodded, like he understood. It's weird. A lot of people claim to understand so much, especially when it comes to other people's feelings, but with Stiles it seems like he legitimately does.

"I get it. I can relate. Well, if it's any consolation, I'm glad you came out. And I'm not regretting asking you, at all." He teased, trying to lighten the mood. A blush kept on my cheeks and I tried to will it away.

"I'm glad." I breathed, trying not to draw more attention to myself.

"Why Beacon Hills?" He asked, ignoring my pink face.

"Carol was coming this way and Deaton was friends with my Grams, back in the day. It seemed as good a place as any, and I needed to be anywhere that wasn't Mystic Falls." I gave him the short version of the story. He nodded and seemed to accept my answer, but I have a feeling that he'll keep asking me questions, until he gets an explanation that he's really satisfied with.

"Won't your friend and family miss you?" He pried, again. I couldn't help watching him, while he worked through the information I gave him.

"My dad works out of town, so he's almost always a way. My mom spilt and Grams died. My friends were preoccupied with other things. I'm not the only one grieving." I said, simply.

"And you didn't feel like you were important enough to ask for their help with your pain?" He guessed. "You don't have to answer that. I really do get it, ya know? I'm normally the one who gets asked for help, but never really gets helped. It's hard and it gets old, but how do you say no, when the people you love the most need you?" He asked, rhetorically. I felt inclined to answer him, anyway.

"I had to leave, so I could say no. I did say no. I didn't bring Jeremy back. The way that magic works, for a spell like that… for a witch to perform a spell like that… If I brought Jeremy back, I would have to die and take his place. I would trade my life for his and I just couldn't. I might be a lot of things, but I'm not ready to die. I've fought so hard, through so much, to be here and I couldn't give that up. Even if I brought him back, there would have still been danger to face and I would have been resented for not being alive to help clean up their mess. I couldn't keep giving, when all I had left was myself. My Grams died for them. My mom split, when I was a kid, to protect me from all of that. I've lost friends because of it. I couldn't justify someone else's life being more important than mine or their happiness taking precedence. I couldn't keep doing it, because it was killing me." I lamented. I knew that I would probably regret being so open with him, but it was too late to change it now.

"Jeremy was the boyfriend?" He asked. I nodded. "How long have you been cleaning up after them?" He asked, quietly.

"Too long. I should have never started. If my Grams hadn't helped me with that spell the first year that the vampires came to town, she would still be alive, but I would have died trying to do it, anyway. The spell was too much. The magic it needed was too great. I knew that if I didn't help them, then I would always have it on my conscience and I didn't think I would be able to live with myself. You know? It took me a long time to put my foot down and stop. I got into dark magic, which isn't something you should dabble in, unless you really want to lose yourself. I didn't. I just needed a reason to keep going and it gave me that. It made me feel powerful, when I normally felt powerless. I couldn't stay living in Mystic Falls and thrive, when it had been sucking the life out of me. I knew that my friends wouldn't understand my decision, but I made it, anyway. I don't want to talk about it, anymore." I finished.

"No, yeah, sorry. You don't have to. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. That sounds hard and horrible. You have to know that you're so strong for making it through all of that. You know that, right?" He pressed. I shrugged and opted not to say anything. My nose was burning and I had a lump in my throat. I wasn't going to cry in front of him. I just needed a minute to compose myself. He reached over to my hand and gave me a little squeeze. I gasped in surprise and looked away from him, but I didn't move my hand.

We ate in a comfortable silence. I was still hung up on the fact that he held my hand. He touched me and I still couldn't read as much of his aura, as I normally could with people. It was confusing, but not uncomfortable.

"I grew up here. I was born and raised. I've never lived anywhere else. My dad is the sheriff. I'm sure you'll meet him before too long. He has this annoying habit of needing to know all of my friends. I'm the resident human of the gang. Deaton said I'm a spark. Whatever that means. He's annoyingly cryptic." He explained a bit more about himself. I laughed.

"That sounds promising." I jested. Of course, that's my luck. When is anyone ever forthcoming? Never.

"The pack isn't so bad. Derek is broody and his uncle, Peter, is sassy and egotistical. Isaac is shy, but a good guy. Danny –"

"Peter Hale?" I interrupted him. His eyebrows rose at my question.

"Yeah, how did you know?" He replied.

"I met him yesterday. I was walking through the woods to clear my head and help me recharge and he introduce himself." I shrugged, picked up a fry and eating it.

"I'm sure he was friendly and not creepy at all." He said, sarcastically. I snorted at his tone. "Danny is also human. He's basically pack and dating Isaac. Erica is intense, but means well… normally. Boyd is the strong silent type. He's pretty much everywhere Erica is, since they're dating. Ethan and Aiden are twins and trying to become pack, but not? Aiden is dating Lydia and Ethan has his eyes on Danny. I think he's crushing on Isaac, too, but I'm not really sure. I'm just glad I'm not part of that love triangle." He told me about the rest of the pack. I nodded, trying to retain all of the information he just gave me. "Sorry. I know that I'm throwing a lot of information at you." He apologized. I focused on my food and cursed inwardly for being so easy to read.

"It's okay." I told him. He smirked, like he was suppressing a laugh, but didn't say anything. "You guaranteed no awkward silences, so I'm definitely not complaining. I don't mind all the talking."

"Just remember that you said that." He teased.

Void Stiles' POV

Bonnie actually showed up and I was in disbelief. I knew that she was on edge and that I had purposefully triggered her painful memories. She was putting on a good front, but she was hurting and I was thriving on it. If she's this strong, while she feels like she's dying, I can only imagine how strong she is, while she isn't grieving.

I have no doubt that her relationship with that boy was mediocre, at best. She's been overlooked, used, and taken advantage of. If her friends felt comfortable doing it, I'm sure that her boyfriend did, too. She's strong, but not in the way that she would normally stand up for herself. She told me that she left, so that she could put herself first. There had to be a lot that happened to push her to that breaking point. I know that she only gave me the abridged version. Just feeling her energy and feeding off of her anger, I can tell that she's a force to be reckoned with. I'm not even seeing her at her full potential.

I wanted her. The more time I spend with her, the more I want to keep her. I want to possess her essence, but it's more than that. The two of us together could thrive. She's powerful in ways that I'm not and I need her to teach me. Little by little, I want to corrupt her and ruin her for anything else.

"Why did you ask me here? I mean, really ask me, not some bullshit answer." She asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked her over and thought about how to word it, before I answered her. Fuck, she looks delicious.

"I've never met anyone like you before. We never get anyone new in town. I don't know how to explain it. I just felt drawn to you, as lame as that sounds. So, I figured I would ask you to coffee and the worst that would happen would be you saying no." I explained, shrugging to make my spiel seem more legitimate. There was truth to my answer, but it wasn't all of the truth. She's perceptive enough that I need to watch myself around her. The one advantage I have, is that she never met Stiles, before I took over. She does pick up on subtle changes to body language, or speech, I have noticed that. I just have to stay consistent and keep her on edge, a little. The hint of mystery will keep her drawn in. She's attracted to me and finds me fascinating. I can definitely say the same. Now, I've just got to reel her in.

Bonnie's POV

By the time we finished lunch, I had decided that I liked Stiles' company. I still couldn't put my finger on what it is about him that throws me off, but it's been a while since I've been one on one with a guy and it wasn't a little weird. Even with Jeremy, it was awkward. It didn't help that he started spending a lot of his time talking with Anna's and Vicki's ghosts. I still don't know what to make of that. Our relationship wasn't perfect and probably should've ended well before his death. I just couldn't let him go. He was one of the only normal parts of my life. I craved that normalcy, like it was my life line.

I don't crave normalcy anymore. Now, it just feels like a lie. I'm not normal – why would my life be? I'm just tired of vampires butting into everything and killing everyone in their wake. I'm tired of sacrificing everything and feeling like I won't survive my grief.

I know that I'll make it through this, but damn is it hard. I truly believe that Beacon Hills was the fresh start that I needed. New friends can't hurt, right? Is that what Stiles will be? Is that all he will be? Is that what I want him to be?