20 Desire to Live

"You have chosen your death, so this wish of yours is going to be fulfilled right now. You too will also going to that garbage."

Roy held Garrett up by the throat, and he was choking him. Even though Roy's stature was more diminutive than Garrett's, Roy still raised Garrett in the air.

Garrett was trying to free himself from Roy's grip, shaking his body in the air in pain, but Roy was not taking the name of leaving him.

Roy was speaking to Garrett as he raised him in the air.

"Why are you suffering now, you were saying that I will spend my whole life in killing me. You cannot kill me neither today nor in future. You had to die from my hands in the future too, so why not right now, this was your wish, isn't it?"

"…leave me, I will not…."

Garrett wanted to say something from his mouth, but Roy held Garrett's throat as if his voice had stopped coming out.

And Roy, even after seeing this, continued to press on his throat without hesitation. 

"You should be happy that you are going to that garbage. Where do you even care about anyone other than that garbage? After killing you, I will also kill the other filth that came with you."

When Roy mentioned the girl who had come with him, Garrett got a little nervous for a moment.

"..Beware, you will not do anything to Jia….Your fight is with me, do not bring Jia in the middle. She didn't do anything to you…." 

Garrett took as much life as he could, telling Roy not to do anything to Jia.

His words showed as if he cared for that girl very much.

And as soon as Roy heard Garrett, a mocking smile appeared on his face. 

"It is up to my will, I will do whatever I want. If I wish that I will kill that girl, then I will kill her. I didn't ask for your opinion. Why? What happened? Do you like that girl?" 

Roy was making fun of Garrett by telling him why he wanted to save the girl. Is it because of friendship, or is Garrett in love with her?

When asked by Roy, Garrett did not give a direct answer; he just started asking Roy not to do anything to her. 

"… you have nothing to do with this… you just can't do anything to her… I want to kill you, not Jia… she doesn't even know that I have come here to you…."

As soon as Roy heard Garrett's answer, the mocking smile on his face got more significant.

And he began to speak ahead of him. 

"I see, you are in love with that girl. I see, leave that thought, you didn't know how to love anyone. That girl was bowing down on the ground for your kind and pleading to save you, but you do not love anyone other than that garbage." 

When Roy mentioned Jia, who apologized to Roy by sitting on the ground, Garrett's face looked a little disappointed, even though Garrett was the reason for her to bow down.

"….you shut up…what do you know about me I....I like Jia…no I love her…I have treated her like family…You have no right to say all this…." 

Garrett was no longer hiding his feelings and began to tell from the front that he loved Jia and considered her like his family; he was no longer hesitant to express his thoughts to Roy.

When Garrett told Roy that he had no right to say all this, Roy paused for a moment.

And after stopping, he started asking Garrett a question. 

"Let it be, love is only a matter of the courageous, not of a coward like you. Do you even know what it means? What thing called love, even knows?"

When Roy asked this question, Garrett started answering it without hesitation.

"..You always keep the one you love close to you…and you never let him go away from you…. But from where will you get to know this thing? Do you know anything other than pride…." 

When Garrett answered this, a smile came out on Roy's face as if he was making fun of Garrett.

"That's why I call you a filth. Don't even know what the real meaning of love is? You have no right to be loved because you do not know how to love."

When Roy said this by mocking Garrett, Garrett got a little angry. 

"..If you know that much, then you tell me what is the meaning of this?...or you just know how to dictate over others."

When Garrett tells Roy that if he is laughing so much, then he should tell what love is called. He was laughing so much, so he must have known.

Roy paused a bit when Garrett asked. And as soon as he stopped, he started saying again.

"You have to know the meaning of love, don't you? So listen today, I, Roy Holt will tell you the meaning of it. It has only one meaning and no other meaning other than that, which is...freedom." 

****************** 

Amelia was walking toward the ground behind the Mansion with something in her hand. She looked a little worried, and her eyes were searching for someone here and there.

She was looking around with a bowl in her hand.

'The food was not cooked yet, only rice was made.' 

Food was being prepared in the Mansion, but if I had spent more time in the kitchen, Roy would have returned. I have to apologize to Roy, and I wouldn't feel right apologizing in front of anyone in the Mansion.

If I apologize in front of anyone, Roy may also get angry, so I cannot lose this opportunity with my hands. That's why I bought only rice which was prepared in the kitchen. 

Roy practices alone, so even if Roy scolds me, I will accept it and accept whatever punishment he gives me, but I will definitely apologize to Roy for my mistake.

And maybe after eating the food, his anger can be pacified a little.

'But I can't see where Roy is, has he gone back to the mansion?'

Amelia was looking for Roy here and there in a hurry.

'Please, God, don't let Roy go to the Mansion. Please, let me introduce Roy here so I can apologize to him.'

Amelia was being looked here and there, but Roy could not be found.

When Amelia went a little inside the ground, she started seeing someone.

'Thank God, Roy is here.' 

Seeing that person from a distance, Amelia took a sigh of relief and started moving closer to him.

When Amelia looked a little closer, she found that there was not one person but two people, and one was holding the other in the air by the throat.

And as soon as Amelia's eyes went towards them, she was surprised. There Roy held Garrett in the air by the throat.

Seeing this, her senses were blown away. 

'This is the same boy Mr Daniel was talking about, why has Roy raised him up? Is he fighting.....I should stop Roy lest he may hurt him. Roy's anger is very dangerous, I should leave early before anything untoward happens.' 

With the bowl in her hand, Amelia started running quickly towards Roy.

And just as Amelia was about to run close to Roy, she stopped where she was standing after listening to Roy's words.

"Love means freedom."

Hearing this, Amelia's feet stayed in one place, and she started listening to Roy's words.

************** 

"..Freedom?....what do you mean?.."

Garrett had absolutely no idea what Roy meant to say. When Garrett asked this question, Roy went on to explain.

"Weak hearted person like yours, in the name of love, they shy away from sending someone away from them so that they may not go away from you. You fools don't understand that what is gone was not yours at all. And you are the one who makes that garbage, a garbage." 

If you ask me what the meaning of love is, my only answer is that freedom is the only meaning of love. Even though I have never been in love, but apart from this, I do not understand any other definition of it.

If you do not let anyone away from you and keep him always with you, then that is not called love; it is imprisonment, and who likes to be imprisoned?

I remember when I was around five or six years old, I used to go to the park with my grandfather. One day, a man was selling parrots, which were very beautiful. 

I told Grandfather that I wanted those parrots, and Grandfather bought all those parrots for me.

I only wanted one parrot, but when my grandfather bought all the parrots, my happiness knew no bounds. I was a kid then and hence started jumping with joy.

I started telling grandfather when I caught all those parrots with the cage.

{Grandfather, I will love these parrots very much and will fulfill their every wish.}

When I said this in happiness, Grandpa asked me with a smile

{"Will you really love them that much? It is not that easy to love; it is not for everyone. Are you courageous enough to handle love?"

"Absolutely Grandpa, I am the most courageous. I will love them with all my heart."

"Well, if you are so courageous, then prove that you will love them very much. Give proof of your love to all of them that how much you love them." 

"Grandpa, how is that? How will I tell them that how much I love them. Grandpa, you tell me some way."

"Kazuo, if you really love them, then get them out of the cage and let them go free. Being imprisoned in a cage is no proof of love, is it?"

"But Grandpa, we have bought them. How can we leave them? I didn't like your method." 

When that five-year-old child stubbornly did not understand his grandfather's words, his grandfather bowed one of his legs, came to his height, and placed his hand on his head.

And as soon as he kept his hand, he started explaining to that child.

"Kazuo, now what I am going to explain to you, always remember that, never forget in your life understand?"

When his grandfather started saying that, that child looked at his grandfather and his grandfather began to explain to him.

"Love means freedom. The one whom you keep with you always, do not let him go anywhere, then that is not a love, it is a prison." 

The child was looking at his grandfather as soon as he told him, and his grandfather started lovingly explaining to him.

"Kazuo, we also not like being in the same room a little bit. If we also want to go out of a room and roam outside, then they will not feel like getting out of the cage? If you love them, prove it by setting them free." 

The child started looking at his grandfather. He did not agree with his grandfather's words, but he was looking at his grandfather.

After he looked at him, his grandfather smiled and nodded softly yes.

After looking at his grandfather, the child, despite being a little sad, obeyed his grandfather and started freeing those parrots one by one by taking them out of the cage.

And seeing this, his grandfather smiled and started praising him. 

"Very well, now I also agree that Kazu really loves them very much. He's actually too courageous. I am proud of you."

As soon as those parrots opened the cage one by one, they would fly away in the air. And seeing those parrots flying, it seemed that since when they are really looking for their freedom.

They started roaming here and there by flying in the sky. 

Seeing all of them, the child who freed them from the cage also started feeling a little happy, and not knowing that, a smile started coming on his face.}

I learned from that moment that if the meaning of love has to be said, then there can be nothing other than freedom.

"She was dead, but you still carried her around for a long time. Where you should have sent her off yourself, you kept her with you until she was completely garbage. So who made her garbage? Me or you yourself." 

Roy's words were hurting in Garrett's heart because even if Roy's words were sharp but he was not speaking wrong. Did Garrett not keep his grandmother with him even after she died?

Didn't Garrett himself make his grandmother's condition like a garbage?

Roy's words made Garrett feel ashamed of what he had done. And he was not even looking into Roy's eyes.

But Roy continued to speak without caring about his feelings. 

"Say you loved that garbage. Loved or was fulfilling your only wish that you should not be alone anywhere. What is this love? If it is your love then I pity the girl that you love her."

Roy's sharp words were going to rip Garrett's heart. Because Garrett seemed to be like that in every aspect that Roy had said. Garrett was not speaking in the middle of Roy's talk but was listening while looking down at the ground.

He was beginning to understand his mistakes. 

"I laugh thinking, whom you say that I treat all of them like family, you did not even care about them and went to die at my hands. If that garbage were there, she would have really proud of you. Seeing these antics of yours, you have really made that garbage happy. You deserve praise."

Roy's words were hurting Garrett's heart in such a way that even his tears had come. He looked into Roy's eyes with tears filled with tears.

Garrett seemed to be in great pain.

"… so tell me what should I do?… what should I do, tell me... I do not understand what to live for….. what is the purpose of my life… only you tell me what should I do…."

Garrett was pleading with Roy with his moist eyes about what he should do now. He tells him what is right. What is the purpose of his life?

He was so broken that he even started asking Roy what to do next.

Roy did not change his expression even after seeing Garrett's condition, and without showing any mercy, he started speaking further. 

"Live life for the one whom you consider a member of your family. Find a reason to live better than find a reason to die. Live for the one you love. And if even then your mind is not ready to live, then I will end your story here so that this question does not even arise."

Roy started pressing Garrett's throat hard; this time, the pressure on Roy's wrist was too much.

"Answer what you have chosen, whether you want to live or want to die. Answer me. If you don't answer, I will kill you right here." 

Garrett was not saying anything and was trying to weaken Roy's grip by grabbing his hand but to no avail.

Roy was mercilessly strangling him.

"Answer what is your decision, wants to die or live?"

Garrett's breathing was also about to stop when something very slowly came out of Garrett's mouth.

"…..I will live...." 

Due to his words not reaching Roy's ears, Roy strengthened his grip.

"I can't hear what you said. Speak louder that I can also hear your verdict."

As Roy's grip became stronger, Garrett screamed with all his life as he could.

"….I will live..."

"Whom will you live for, speak well. I didn't hear."

"…I will live for Jia…."

"Is this your decision? Will you ever regret this decision again? Answer it!"

"…I will not…I want to live…..I will live for the sake of Jia and….for myself. I want to live….." 

As soon as Garrett said these words, Roy took his hand off her neck, and Garrett fell to the ground.

"So as you wish. I spare your life, go happily; I do not give this opportunity to everyone.

Garrett was holding his throat with both his hands on the ground and breathing. His breathing and his heartbeat were also going very fast. He still could not believe that he was alive.

Roy left Garrett on the ground and started going to the other side; on the other side, Roy put his sword back in the sheath. And he began to go near the tree where his coat was kept.

He took off his coat from the tree and placed it on his shoulder. And holding it on his shoulder, he looked at Garrett for a moment.

Garrett was breathing fast.

After seeing him, Roy started walking out of the ground. And just when he was about to leave, he stopped there.

"Listen to my word carefully."

As soon as Roy's voice came, Garrett started looking at Roy; he was still breathing heavily, but still, he started looking at Roy.

Roy began to fulfill his point without looking back.

"There is no magic that can bring the dead back to life. Put this thing in your small brain.....and if you ever wish that you don't want to live in future then come to Holt Mansion, there I will fulfill this wish of yours." 

As soon as Roy said this, he started going out from the ground. And hearing this from Roy, both of Garrett's hands turned towards the ground. And as soon as he was on the ground, his tears started flowing.

Garrett wept loudly, and Roy continued on without looking back at Garrett.

Roy did not look back even for a moment and kept on moving forward.

************ 

There was not only Garrett crying on the ground. There was someone else who had tears coming from her eyes.

Amelia was crying, sitting on the ground behind a stone; she listened to all Roy talk about what Roy said. How Roy explained to Garrett.

Amelia was also in tears after hearing every word of Roy. She started cursing herself more after listening to each and every word of Roy that she could not be able to understand Roy.

Amelia was sitting on the ground, looking down. 

'I was mad that misunderstood Roy. Could not see the goodness of Roy. Amelia you really were a very stupid idiot who failed to see that. You are really pathetic.'

Amelia also sat there for some time and started wiping her tears, but new tears began flowing again.

Amelia sat there for a few moments until her tears stopped.

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