1 A Series of Unfortunate Events

Everybody wants superpowers. Some might act like they don't, but come on, we all know that those people are full of shit. I mean, who wouldn't be tempted by the idea of possessing superhuman strength, soaring through the skies with the ability to fly, or to be invisible?

It's undeniably appealing!

But whatever the desired superpower may be, there's always one key aspect that many tend to overlook when wishing for such abilities;

There's always a catch.

POW!

With a powerful uppercut, Gavin Degrassi was sent flying backward, crashing into the wall with a resounding thud, prompting a loud scream from his girlfriend, Alice.

"Oh my god! Gavin, baby!" She screamed loudly, concern evident in her voice as he rushed towards her fallen boyfriend in the classroom, her heels clicking with each hurried step.

"Ah, shit.." I muttered under my breath as I regained consciousness and found Gavin sprawled on the floor. Panic surged through me and I quickly glanced around the room, only to find that everyone else was frozen in shock, and I couldn't help but bite my lips.

I did it again.

"Hey, man.." I let out a sigh and began slowly approaching Gavin in a non-confrontational manner. I gestured a friendly wave at Gavin, who was still being assisted to his feet by his concerned girlfriend. "Listen, I'm sorry about that." Feeling the need to explain myself, I continued, "I just, I lost control and accidentally punched you. I apologize."

"Gah, fuck your apology.." Gavin's voice was strained as he wiped the dust off his face, his arm around his girlfriend for support. He pointed accusingly at me with his other arm, saying, ".... I told you, didn't I? You'll get what you fucking deser- deserve…."

This is bad, he can't even finish his sentence.

"Dude, did you hit your head somewhere?" I asked, obviously concerned for my classmate's well-being, but also because I didn't want to escalate this issue even further. "I think you did. You may have a concussion. You should go to the infirmary and get it checked out, just to be safe, you know?"

I have to make sure that this concussed idiot doesn't do anything dangerous.

"I don't have any… problem, bastar.." Gavin's words faltered, and his voice trailed off before he could finish the sentence. "I'll get you! You- you beat me up…"

"Babe?" Alice's worry was evident as she supported him. "Are you sure you're alright? Maybe we should head to the infirmary." She suggested.

Nice job, Alice. Maybe you really aren't an idiot like I thought you were.

"I checked my crystals this morning, and they warned that today wasn't a good day for you to get into a fight!" Alice cried, holding Gavin's shoulder tightly. "I should've told you, I'm sorry!"

Nevermind. I take that back.

"Just listen to your girlfriend, Gavin!" I urged, pointing towards Alice. However, Gavin seemed disoriented, acting as if he was drunk, and he waved his finger in the air, proclaiming, "You can't escape….. me!"

Whoosh!

In a sudden rush, Gavin charged forward, causing his girlfriend to stumble and fall on her ass, and as I watched this idiot run towards me in slow motion, I felt the urge to cry.

This fucker was going to get killed by me, and there was no way I could stop myself. I closed my eyes, as I felt my fate about to be sealed by the recklessness of one idiotic highschool bully.

Swish!

But for some reason, the gods showed mercy on me on that fateful day. For some inexplicable reason, Gavin, who was running towards me at full speed, slipped on his feet and fell down, his hands stretched forward and face first.

Luckily, the worst-case scenario didn't unfold back then. However, looking back on what followed, there are moments when I find myself wishing that the worst had occurred instead.

As Gavin fell, his hands grabbed onto my pants, and unfortunately for me, I hadn't worn my belt that day.

WHOOSH!

Gavin pulled my pants down all the way, along with my underwear, and he faceplanted on the floor with a loud noise, as my excalibur was now exposed to the entire classroom in all its ten inch glory.

"….."

Half a minute of silence ensued after the loud faceplant, but to me, it seemed like an eternity. In that seemingly endless moment, it felt as though I experienced all five stages of grief, embraced Buddhism, and even found enlightenment and inner peace.

Now, I know what you're thinking….

A: Holy shit, what the fuck was all that about?

B: Really? Ten inches? You must be exaggerating.

Well, to know why I was fighting my high school bully and why I'm definitely not exaggerating about my little sheriff down there, I'm going to have to take you all the way back-

Three days ago.

I was strolling through the dimly lit alley behind the Roadshow Theatre late at night, sharing my thoughts about the edgy cool movie I had just watched through a phone call. "...No, I said I watched it for Gosling.." I emphasized, as I continued walking through the dark alleyway. "I told you, I did it for the memes.... What does it matter if I'm wearing pink clothes or not? How is that relevant?"

Whoosh!

All of a sudden, a figure emerged from the shadows and landed right in front of me, attempting to catch me off guard. However, their surprise tactic failed, as I remained composed and calm.

"GYYYAAAAAH!" I said calmly as the figure drew nearer. Realizing the urgency, I swiftly whispered into my phone, "I think I'm being robbed. Talk to you later….. Yeah, I'll buy the duritos….. yeah, and the popsi… What? Tuco bell? Are you serious, dude? You know how long I have to walk to get that? How about Damino-"

Swoosh!

The figure extended their hands, and as if my phone had a mind of its own, it suddenly flew out of my grip and soared towards the wall, shattering into pieces upon impact.

The mysterious figure levitated in the air, and to my surprise, I found myself completely immobilized, unable to move a muscle. My eyes were locked on the figure as they removed their hooded coat, revealing a strikingly handsome, blond, albeit slightly pale young man with piercing blue eyes. His gaze held a devious glint that sent shivers down my spine.

"Dude, I don't have any money. I'm like, super broke…"I explained to the young man, thinking he might be a mugger with a side gig as a magician. However, before I could say more, he appeared in front of me in an instant, his cold finger pressing against my lips, and whispered, "Shush, my child..."

I nodded slowly as the young man opened his mouth, releasing a wicked laugh. "Hahahahahah! Yes! That's it! Embrace your destiny and remain silent, young one!" His words carried an ominous tone.

Horror swept over me as I realized that this person wasn't mugging me. No, this was far, far, worse.

The hooded man declared with an evil chuckle, "I'm going to suck your body full of your fluids!" His wide-open mouth exposed his sharp teeth, and a wave of dread washed over me as I grasped what he meant. "Oh no.." I whispered softly, my eyes filled with fear. The man nodded with delight, proclaiming, "Oh, yes, my child! Rejoice my child, for you'll be part of something majestic!"

Panic surged through me as I desperately protested, "No, no, no… you can't! Not me!" I shook my head furiously, but the hooded man grasped my chin, rendering me immobile. He brought his face close to my neck, and a shiver ran down my spine as he took a disturbingly long sniff. "I am going to stick my mouth onto your flesh, and I will drain you of your fluids…." he whispered softly, sending chills down my spine. "... And I'll watch you quiver with pain as I wipe your fluids off my lips."

In a trembling voice, I pleaded, "No, no, no, you can't do this to me.." However, the man ignored my pleas and approached with his mouth near my neck, as the sharp teeth elongated even more. He licked his lips menacingly and declared, "Oh yes I will! I will drink your blood and drain your life, and you'll die at the hands of Richard Valentine, the mighty vampire lord!"

"No, no, you can't drink my bl- wait, blood? Hold on a minute, you mean to say you weren't talking about-" I tried to interrupt, but before I could finish, the hooded man sank his teeth deep into my neck, causing me to cry out in pain. "GYYYAAAAAH! MOMMY!"

The hooded man, Richard Valentine, pulled back his head, tilting it upward with a gasp of pleasure. "Haah! Fresh, untainted, natural blood!" he exclaimed. "How long has it been since I last savored this delight?"

He tightened his grip on my neck and whispered in my ear, "Consider yourself fortunate to be nourishing this mighty lord, boy! You've finally done something noble in your otherwise pathetic and useless life."

"Gah... What're you, my mom?" I managed to utter weakly. My words slurred, and a sense of drowsiness washed over me as I felt my consciousness slipping away.

"Don't worry about anything and go to sleep.." Richard whispered softly, his words soothing yet chilling. He then opened his mouth, bringing his teeth closer to my neck once again. "Forever."

As this was happening, two men stood on the balcony of their apartment, directly above the alleyway where Richard and I were.

"George, what's that in your hand?" the bearded man asked, pointing at the sharp-ended cross in George's grasp. George replied, "Oh, this is a silver cross my grandfather used for, um, apparently hunting vampires."

"What?!" The bearded man's eyes widened in surprise. George shrugged and said, "Yeah, grandpa was a bit crazy, but this cross is the only thing I have to remember him by."

Nodding in understanding, the bearded man shifted his attention as the doorbell rang, and the two men turned to look in the direction of the sound.

"That's probably Shelby and the rest," he said, making his way towards the door. "I'll get the beer bottles," George volunteered.

Carefully, George set the cross on the balcony railing and remarked, "I really hope that it doesn't fall and accidentally stab some unsuspecting person who also happens to be a vampire."

"Don't be silly. What are the odds of that ever happening?" the bearded man chuckled, and both men burst into laughter. "Hahahahahah!"

They returned to the room afterwards, closing the balcony door behind them. And as they did so, the cross sitting on the railing shifted slightly before tumbling down onto the alleyway below.

Whoosh!

The cross cleaved through the air, its sharp end aimed downward. It struck the top of Richard's head with precision, piercing through his skull just as he was about to sink his teeth into my neck once again.

"AHHHHH!" He let out a piercing scream, and he pushed me aside, attempting to grab the cross and pull it out. However, as soon as his hands made contact with the cross, they started to burn, prompting another agonizing cry, "GAHHHH! Silver! The one thing I'm allergic to! What are the odds?"

WHOOSH!

He bolted out of the alleyway and onto the street, leaving a disoriented me near a garbage container.

"Shit! I can't fly! My powers are gone!" Richard gritted his teeth, continuing to run with determination. He jumped into the road and attempted to leap into the air, hoping his powers would return, but to no avail.

BAM!

In an instant, a speeding car collided with him. The impact sent him soaring through the air before crashing onto the ground, leaving his body motionless.

Through my blurry vision, I witnessed the entire incident from a distance, and right after that, everything went dark as I blacked out.

When I regained consciousness, I found myself lying on my bed in my room. A little disoriented and feeling somewhat hungover, I looked around, trying to make sense of the situation. Eventually, I got up and stretched my arms to shake off the grogginess.

"What on earth happened last night..." I attempted to recollect the events that led to my blackout, and memories slowly started surfacing in my mind. A frown of suspicion crept onto my face as I wondered, "Did all of that really happen?"

The surreal events left me questioning the reliability of my own mind. "There's no way vampires can be real," I murmured, pacing back and forth, trying to convince myself that I hadn't been bitten by one. "And how on earth did I get back home, if I was stranded alone in an alleyway?"

Naturally, it didn't add up. I tried to convince myself that I must have simply drank too much beer with my friends last night, and they probably helped me sneak back home. That seemed like the most logical explanation, didn't it?

"Felix? Are you up?" my thoughts were interrupted by my mother's voice, and I replied, "Yeah, mom."

I moved towards the door and reached for the doorknob, when all of a sudden..

Clank!

The sound of metal being crushed.

"Gyah!" I gasped, stepping back in shock as I saw the doorknob deformed and squished. My breath became heavy, and I couldn't help but glance back and forth between my hands and the distorted doorknob, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

"Felix? Are you okay?" My mother's concerned voice reached my ears, and I shouted in response, "Yeah, I'm... I'm fine, mom."

With my heart still racing, I turned my attention back to the deformed doorknob and swallowed down the saliva.

Yup, it's going to be alright… I hope.