1 Trepidation

Fear.

'I could give several definitions of that word whenever. But right now, the only thing that I could come up with was that it was making my insides churn.'

Szeina gripped the strap of the seatbelt securely holding her steady inside the moving vehicle.

An old sonata which could be traced back from the 70s belted out from the music player of the car. Blue light was blinking at the tip of the small stick attached to it.

Catching sight of the pair of eccentric blue eyes that stared at her in the rearview mirror, Szeina made her lips move and offered a smile to the woman next to her.

The woman next to Szeina could easily be mistaken as her older sister. No one would assume that she was even married if not for the visible evidence on her left ring finger.

With her newly pixie-cut hair, brown highlights were visible on top of her head. It made the heart shape of her face stand out.

Szeina, on the other hand, had to dye her hair to black and didn't bother to ponytail it. It cascaded down from her shoulders to her back.

"Everything's going to be fine, love." 

Hearing the woman with her say those words, Szeina wanted to believe that too. 

She wanted to believe that everything would be fine.

But that would be a lie.

Nothing was fine.

Nothing will ever be fine for her. 

Not in this lifetime.

"No, Gran." She blatantly countered the woman's claim in the driver's seat. This resulted in the latter giving her a quick glance.

Szeina went on to finish her sentence then. Prolonging the waiting period would only allow Granola, whom she called Gran, to voice out what she was truly feeling.

"It's going to be messy and… I would surely be out of place," Szeina paused for a brief time to consider what she was to say.

"But despite that, I can manage." 

"That," Granola started, she let her gaze linger on Szeina, "was a long shot, darling."

Turning away, Szeina felt the last bit of energy leaving her completely. 

The bones in her body turned to jelly, and all she wanted to do was end the day with a promise never to come out of hiding ever again.

Various cars of different kinds zoomed past. The sonata playing in the music player came to a stop. 

Sirens and the blast of the air-conditioning infiltrated Szeina's hearing. She fancied looking at the outside and tried not to think of what was to come.

The drive to her new school was taking a while.

"Stop worrying about the little things, Szeina. The past is irrevocable. But you live in the present. Hence, you can still shape your future. You hold the pen on how your destiny should be written."

Szeina turned to Granola once again. A smile was on her lips and somehow, she found comfort in that.

"You can still shape your future, love. Nothing is set in stone unless you allow it to be."

Instead of formulating a reply, Szeina merely smiled. The rest of the drive plunged the two women into comfortable silence.

Before long, Granola was maneuvering the Mercedes into the parking lot of Alwreck High. They printed its name in bold letters on the arch entrance of the school.

Several other cars were there, and Szeina's heartbeat escalated. She could visualize her heart jumping right out of her chest at that instance.

When the Mercedes skidded to a halt, Granola reached out for Szeina's hands and had her look at her.

"Your past doesn't define who you are, Szeina or who you will be."

"I know, Gran."

Granola held Szeina's hand for a little while before she gave her cheeks a gentle pat and let her go.

"You are on to a new start. Show them the Szeina that Drew and I adore. Do not be afraid to let them see and experience who you really are. Be kind but not vulnerable. Remember, you are loved."

Breaking out a sincere smile ever since she woke up earlier, Szeina shook her head. Slowly, she pressed the release button of the seatbelt and secured her sling bag.

"Too cheesy, Gran," Szeina playfully grimaced. "I wish Neyan was here."

Granola patted Szeina's hand and shook her head.

"Oh, don't tell him I said that. He will never forgive me."

The two shared a brief laugh while Szeina prepared to hop out of the car.

"Have a great start, love. Don't forget to nail this day because tomorrow holds so many promises."

Rolling her eyes, Szeina opened the door. She tried her best to plaster on another sincere smile before stepping out.

Holding the car door open, she looked at Granola and bore what she hoped to be a joyful expression, pulling her lips in a broad grin.

"I will try to keep that in mind."

"You should. You got this!" Granola half yelled and half whispered.

Szeina could not hold the bubble of laughter that burst forth. She finally closed the door and bade Granola goodbye.

Sounding the horn twice, Szeina watched the Mercedes easing out of the parking lot and sped away.

"You got this." She mimicked, sputtering out a lie to get her started.

--

'Keep the faith. The most amazing things in life happen right at the moment you're about to give up hope.'

-Author, Unknown

Szeina found herself scrutinizing the quote boldly encrypted on a wooden frame situated right at the top of the Principal's high ponytail.

She was sitting upright in the swivel chair. The grey suit she had on was crisply clean.

Framed photos showcasing smiling people either holding a trophy or wearing a medal were displayed on the wall behind the Principal.

Accordingly, a table with trophies varying in shapes and sizes accompanied the framed photos.

"It's a pleasure to have you here in Alwreck High…" the Principal stopped short and looked at the piece of paper on top of her desk.

On reflex, Szeina interrupted her before she could get her name wrong.

"Szeina." She managed a small smile to the Principal. 

"It's a lovely name. I'm Principal Dawson. Aren't you excited about your first day?"

"Ecstatic," Szeina claimed.

However, if Principal Dawson was to read her mind and see right through her, she'd know that Szeina was far from ecstatic.

"I like your choice of words. Now, being a transfer, I know this might not be easy for you. But I trust you can catch up just fine. Your record from Shantel Academy is exemplary."

Shantel Academy.

The anxiety and fear she felt earlier came back upon hearing the name of her former school. 

But, defiantly, Szeina held her emotions in check. 

The last thing she needed right now was a flashback of the events that gradually led her to this. 

To Alwreck High.