1 Did anything happen?

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like at any moment your heart would stop beating and you'll faint to the ground? Let's rephrase that actually: Have you ever been so mortified that you wished the ground would open up and swallow your entire existence?

I mean we have all been in situations like these but the chances are that mine is much worse than yours. My entire body was shaking profusely and note down that it wasn't because of the cold breeze of December flowing outside with full intensity.

I was seething with uncontrollable rage and I swear to God I would have murdered anyone who dared to glance my way. Today's prank was the final nail in the coffin. My patience mentally slapped me and told me to grow a spine and deal with these bunch of retarded individuals who had zero sense of remorse for anyone other than their privileged friends. I bet they had never seen true hard work. I mean the majority of their days must have been spent deciding whether to go to the Maldives or the Philippines for winter vacations.

Bitter? Maybe. I think I do have a right to be salty and bitter when I never asked to be born in a place where my mother had schizophrenia and my father just couldn't keep a check on his anger. Don't get me wrong I loved my mother to such a great extent and I also at times asked God why she had to go through such a terrible disease but as time passed I told myself that it was a test.

I had to make sense of the suffering otherwise I would have jumped off the cliff. I mean, isn't faith the only thing that keeps us going? How else can you bear the loss of your loved ones if you do not have the faith that this pain and agony is temporary and there is an eternal home waiting for you?

I mean I do not understand when people say that they do not need religion to make sense of the suffering. That is what I call true stupidity and arrogance, call me judgemental and see if i give two shits about it.

"Did you even hear what I just told you, Khansa?" Ajwad's silky voice brought me back to reality.

I instantly closed my eyes and whispered like a fool, "Did they go away?" I was talking about none other than the pack of deluded students of our college who didn't have anything better to do other than stooping to a very low level.

I just could not stand people with zero manners and a watered down sense of humour. Today was a classic shit show. It's not a secret in my class that I have ADHD and severe GAD which makes it a huge task for me to function like normal people. In our Literature class, Ms. Gloria asked us to speak in front of the class about a specific topic. The one which I got was "Communication is necessary". Irony at its best, I mean I couldn't communicate to save my face and the word communication made my skin crawl.

Everyone gave really excellent presentations and I felt I was the odd one out amongst these people. I just got up and mustered up the courage to not let my jittery emotions get the best of me.

Long story short, to say it was a mess would be an understatement. I got tongue tied in front of everyone and managed to ramble out words like, "Hi, today uh-- I'll be presenting" and I forgot what my topic was. I mean this was the height of my dumb behaviour. The giggles and cackles were about to break out when all of a sudden my brain decided to throw the topic on the fore front of mind.

"COMMUNICATION IS NECESSARY" I practically shouted like a lunatic and the class went deadly silent. I think I do not have to give you all the details what happened after that.

My teacher gave me a disappointing glare as if she expected better from me. After my presentation, i felt like everyone was talking about me and judging me but I only heard a few snide remarks before the class went back to normal.

Ajwad, my best friend gave me a sympathetic smile and said, " You did really well and trust me you are improving" this was his typical way to cheer up my mood but I was not going to get in his trap of "positive thinking". It only suited him and Esha. Speaking of, Esha was my only friend other than Ajwad who I trusted with all my might.

They were my really good friends but I never depended on them. Don't get me wrong, having friends was nice and cool but I needed my solitude too. I had to figure out the purpose of my life. I had questions, really complex questions that required a lot of contemplation and discovery. I considered everything a distraction in this world. Sometimes, I developed the urge to say such bitter words to them so they wouldn't think twice before breaking their friendship from me but then I would just come to my senses and put that ugly thought at the back of my head.

So yeah, where was I? After the class ended Ajwad and I decided to go outside Esha's class. Her section was different than ours and she wanted to keep it that way so we didn't insist her any further. I knew it was very irritating when people tried to force their decisions upon you.

"Khansa, don't look back" I was scrolling through my mobile phone while we were waiting for our friend when Ajwad whisper yelled in my ears with a solemn expression on his face.

I mean is he for real? I never listen to what I am told. That's just how I am. So I looked back dramatically and you wouldn't believe what I just saw. My locker had a huge "LOSER" written on it with the colour black.

Good Lord, what were they? 12 years old? I mean we were studying really complex subjects like literature and calculus which required a lot of mental analysis and they couldn't sift through their pea sized brains to pull out a prank worth enjoying.

I don't take delight in arguing otherwise I would've showed them what a real prank looks like. So I like a good girl averted my gaze from them in a very indifferent manner and looked at Ajwad in a very carefree manner as if that didn't bother me and to be very honest it didn't.

He just smiled as if what they did was his fault. What did I do to deseve such angelic friends.

Out of nowhere I heard a shrill voice, "COMMUNICATION IS NECESSARY" and oh boy was I flustered. So yes, that's the situation that I told you in the beginning where I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

A mixture of boys and girls from my class that I was very sure were from rich backgrounds were chanting this with mocking expressions etched on their faces.

To be honest, I did get embarrassed but their childishness also made me furious like it was not too late for them to like grow the hell up. Bullying as profession would suit them actually. Rich, check? Arrogant?, check, Immature? check.

"Yes yes, they have gone" Ajwad reassured me with a calming voice. I sighed with relief not because I was scared of them but dealing with them drained a lot of my energy.

I just wanted to leave everything so I could go on a search for meaning where there were no people. Just me, my books and my solitude.

"Sorry guys, I got late because Mr. Hamza was assigning us our groups" Esha joined us and chimed in with an apologetic expression.

I was about to reply when she took in Ajwad's expression, "What? did anything happen?" she asked confusedly.