Invading My Thoughts

I climbed back up to the studio. I have to do something to divert my attention. But when I sat down in front of the piano, all I could do is stare ahead, my mind blank.

I stood up and went into my room. I took out a jacket from my closet and headed down to the garage.

"I'm going out for a while Otto. I might not eat dinner at home," I said on the phone after I settled myself inside the car.

"May I know where you are going at this time Sir?" he inquired.

"I just want to be out for a drive. I'll be back shortly," I answered him.

"Okay Sir. We will be preparing your dinner just in case. Also, do not use the new car. The fuel won't last if you are going for a long drive."

The new car?

"We have a new car?"

"Yes. Your father bought it for you months ago."

"But can I still drive it to the city? I will refill the gas myself."

I'm guessing I am now in the new car that he is talking about. The dashboard looks new.

"The gas is still plenty for a drive to the city Sir. Please be careful on the road."

"Okay. Thanks Otto."

I turned the key on the ignition and the car thrummed to life. I warmed the engine for a while then drove out of the gate into the dusk.

The solitude and the soft thrumming of the car brought me back to thoughts of Ms. McCrae.

Perhaps, she will occupy my mind for the next few days or so until I fully digested the information I heard. It's surreal.

Can I protect her somehow? I want to. I know she came to me without expectations. But knowing her situation, I can't help but feel responsible for her.

I wonder what kind of person her father is. I believe no father would do such thing without a good reason. But still… good reason or not, how can he do it? What about her mother? Why was she unable to protect her daughter? Even if it is a crucial decision for their company, she cannot let him sacrifice their daughter.

How did their lives, her life turn out that way?

I let out a big sigh.

I want to ask her questions but I have to pretend that I don't know anything. What a frustrating thought.

I was already driving into the heart of the city without realizing it. This season makes the street lively with colorful lights and people are bustling despite the cold. Seeing the people going to and fro made me think of my family and how we gather at home during this holiday, cozy and warm. If I go to our Nursultan home at this time, they would be shocked to see me and I would need to answer questions that I don't want to answer.

I drove to the residential part of the city anyway and passed by our house. I circled our quite neighborhood before deciding to go back to Üy Dalasí. I was at the outskirt of the city when I felt my stomach rumble. I looked at my watch. 5 minutes past 7 o'clock. It's a good time for dinner.

Suddenly, it struck me. I have not refueled the car!

I looked at the gas meter. It is on the red.

I fumbled for my phone to call Otto but dread washed over me when I saw that there's no reception anymore. I'm in a remote location. I can't go back since I already drove for about an hour.. maybe longer. Üy Dalasí is closer for sure.

I wonder if the gas can last until I can see at least a speck of Üy Dalasí.

I rapped against the steering wheel, anxious.

My thoughts were all over the place to remember about the gas.

I gripped the wheel hard as I drove through the dark, snowy road. The car can't stop here. It's too far and too cold to walk.

The trees became much thicker as I drove on and I felt relieved. I know where I am now. As long as I can get out of the woods, I would be able to see the Üy Dalasí. Though the distance from the edge of the clearing is still a bit far, it is manageable.

My heart burst in relief when I finally got out to the clearing. I let out a breath and grinned like crazy, tapping the wheel in excitement.

But the happiness did not last long. I was a few meters away from the edge of the clearing when the engine gave a low rumble and stopped. I let out a sigh and not out of relief.

I'm going to freeze. My jacket is not warm enough and I'm only wearing one shirt. There's no hope of having reception out here so calling for help is not an option. I guess I have to start walking now if I don't want to freeze to death.

I turned on the flashlight of my phone and got out of the car. My jaw clenched with the biting wind. I held up my phone to light the way, took a deep breath, and started to run. The distance from the car to Üy Dalasí is at least 2 kilometers. It is manageable... Or rather I need to manage despite this frigid cold if I want to see another day.

I ran with all the speed and strength I could muster and only slowed down to a walk when my chest started to hurt. I'm glad I'm out here in the clearing. There's no need to be mindful about fallen branches or some other kind of roadblocks.

I heaved a deep breath after a couple of minutes and started running again. The Üy Dalasí is beginning to take shape in the distance. I kept on running until I can see the veranda of Ms. McCrae's room. Her lights are on. I can't make out the other veranda since the lights are off in my room. I stopped again, my chest painful. I walked for a bit and started running again when I felt the cold start seeping through my bones.

I pressed the doorbell on the small gate frantically and minutes later, Otto opened up for me. He looked at me, stunned.

"I'm sorry Otto but I need to get to the house," I said and I sprinted pass him.

Leila and Ms. McCrae were standing by the door in the porch and I almost toppled them over.

"My goodness child, what happened!" Leila exclaimed as she grabbed me in the arm. Ms. McCrae got the other arm and the two of them braked my speed.

"Let's talk inside Leila. Uh no. Please get me a towel first and a sweater."

She let go of my arm and so did Ms. McCrae.

Leila turned into the house and rushed her way up the stairs.

"I'm sorry but can you turn around for a minute? I need to strip off my sweaty shirt," I said to Ms. McCrae when we got inside.

  She obeyed in split second.

I took off my jacket.

"May I know what had happened Sir?" I heard her asked.

"Mr. Nikolaev. What happened to the car?"

I stopped lifting up my shirt by my midriff and looked to the direction of the voice. Otto had walked into the house and is looking at me with a stern expression. I pushed back down the hem of my shirt.

"I forgot to refuel it," I answered him with a thin, embarrassed smile.

"Where did you leave it?"

Otto can look a little scary when he's angry.

"By the edge of the clearing. I'm sorry Otto. I was too preoccupied with my thoughts," I answered, looking at the floor.

"It's alright. You are safe and that's the most important. Have you eaten?"

I looked up with a smile. I felt relieved that he is worried about me and not the car.

"Uhm, not yet."

"Have a change of clothes and eat Sir. You are coming with me after you are done," he told me before turning to go.

"Where are we going?" I called after him.

"To get the car," he responded without looking back.

Ah. He is also worried about the car. Of course. It's new.

With Otto gone, I became conscious again of the cold sweat on my back. I resumed with taking off my shirt. Leila came just in time and she placed the towel on my shoulder.

"Thank you Leila," I told her, wiping the sweat off my body.

She clicked her tongue with a shake of her head and handed me a new sweater.

"Come and eat in the kitchen," she told me and went on her way.

Ms. McCrae is still standing next to me, facing away. I scoffed in amusement. She's still here.

"Have you eaten Ms. McCrae?" I asked her as I put on my sweater.

"Uh not yet Sir," she answered, turning around to face me.

"Why? Let's eat together then," I told her and walked off first.

She followed after me.

"I was waiting for you Sir," she answered my question.

I frowned. She should have eaten ahead and rest early. She had not taken rest from her long travel all day.

"Are you upset with me Sir? In any way?"

My brows shot up. Why would she think that?

Ah. Was it because I left??

"No. I just had a lot on my mind. I should have joined you for tea first before going."

"I'm glad," I heard her mutter.

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