1 Broken heart and confused mind

Ashi (P.O.V)

Sprawling on the rimy verglas, gazing towards the apex moon and twinkling stars, I sink into the adorable scene of that place absorbing the mesmerizing beauty in front of my eyes. The frozen wind is blowing gently making me shiver slightly. It touches my soul deeply and recites his memories secretly in my ear. However, the sky is dark, yet one can see the path in the moonlight. Not sure why, but everything seems blue as if all has veiled itself with his shroud. No one is here to give an ear to my melancholy thoughts but the wan moon and gloomy sky. I have been looking for a peaceful place to stay but it feels like this too is crowded with a dreary atmosphere.

All of a sudden, amid my thoughts, the moon reflects his face. The face I saw last time, the face I adored once. My eyes that have been holding back my tears for so long free them to roll down my cheeks. I am unable to endure it anymore. I am already exhausted. My heart is broken and my mind is filled with questions and confusion. I don't have any strength left to face his memories so I shut my eyes off to soothe my struggle.

It was then, with the flow of frozen wind comes a warm sweet and accustomed wind which I have already tasted before. I can feel him. I touch his chest just over mine supported with his iron but gentle hands. His heart is thumbing fastly and his warm breath is blowing my hairs off my face. My eyes get a sudden urge to have a glance at him. It is such a relief to caress him with love in my eyes.

He is staring back in my eyes with blank expressions like that of players in a poker game.

I can't read what he is mulling about but certainly, I can see the reflection of my eyes in his eyes which are full of love, regret and questions.

"Ashi, my love! look what you have done to yourself. please don't punish me by hurting yourself. If you want to punish someone then please punish me, slap me or scold me but don't do this. " he cries staring into my eyes which have now filled with tears.

"Don't call me your love and it is up to me what I do or not. why does it matter to you? I am not punishing anyone but I am not gonna give you another chance to break my heart. It's enough. Can you please leave me alone? I do not want anyone anymore in my life. Do you get it?" I try to kick my feelings out".

"Despite all this, why the hell do I not know who you are actually? I am dying to know where on this earth do you exist. Why have you created all this suspense in our life? It's not a story. " I retort shaking my head vigorously and moving my hands childishly.

I couldn't notice when I hit him with one of my hands. He is hurt by my lousy attitude rather than my hands. Yet I am determined that I will not just forgive him at any cost. What if I get all my answers. I doubt my determination what if he clears everything between us and whatever they rubbish. Then what? Would I be able to forgive him for all I went through these days?

To calm me down, his gentle hands same as before touch my cheeks lovingly. He wipes off my tears. If he did so the other months, I would love it but not now. This time they arouse only loathe for him. I dodge his hands off my face and push him back making him fall to the ground. Before he could do anything, I force myself upon him so that he can't flee from me. He is frozen at his place by my sudden action. My tears fall on his anguished face again. This time I plead him for I can't afford to lose him.

"Can you please answer me ?" I beg him "I am tired of giving false hopes to my heart, making fool of my mind and ignoring my worried parents who now think I m suffering of....."

"Do you rely on me or not? what's about you? you don't know me or have you forgotten how much I love you. Do you? Was the bond of our love so weak that you have believed people instead of me? He says in one breathe before I could complete what I get to say.

There is no need to confront this. We, both already know each other's feelings. So I free him out of my grip and let my body rest beside him. I have nothing to speak any further so I choose to stay silent and let him clear all from his side.

He knows what is going on in my head so he breaks the silence between us after giving a long sigh.

" look! you will get all the answers by yourself " He tilts my head to make me face him . " you just need to recall everything again. Everything means every moment and no summary, please. you know, I would love to give ears to our romantic story " He smirks.

"what !? seriously ? where on this earth does he get all this courage to let out a joke in such a serious situation? I am getting mad and look at him, he is so careless. I shot him a sharp glare to make him realise his nescience of timing and he gets me as well.

He coughs to pretend like nothing. Well, it's not his flaw. Even that's what made me fall for him. His innocence and careless behaviour match well his handsome face and flexible physique.

"But it didn't start with you Alif, you already know it. don't you? Moreover, I don't remember everything. " I remind him looking in his direction.

" I do know. It's okay " he rubs his eyebrows with his index fingertips. " I wanna know from the very beginning. I am not afraid of listening to the part of your life when someone else was doing my job to make you happy. I thank him but he is not needed anymore. well, leave it, you begin and yes you can cut or edit any scene if you don't remember. I know you are a good narrator. " He encourages with a smile but I can sense jealousy in his tone. It almost makes me chuckle but somehow I control myself.

"I see! you are jealous. Ahh! I love your jealousy." I pinch his nose to tease him.

"hahaha! very funny." he shrugs off my hand.

"Okay! let's start." Now I relax my mind and shut my eyes off. After a sigh, I go back to memory lane when it all started.